Unexpected love

It seems that I always end my year with watching movies. Last year I ended the year watching 3 Idiots, an Indian movie about life and ambitions. Well, this year, I just finished watching two movies back to back, both American entitled Just Go It (which was hilarious, Adam Sandler and Jennifer Anniston were damn funny!!!) and Life As We Know It (Holly and Messer had to take care of orphaned Sophie).

Both movies ended with the discovery of true love out of the ordinary life. They were forced to foster their true unexpected love due to extenuating circumstances.

I am ending this year failing my KPI to find love. It may have been a blessing in disguise. It is in year 2012 that I would be focusing to find true love and propose someone into marriage.

Btw, I did not manage to see neither MA nor FST. Perhaps next year. Here I come, babes!!

A day and a night before 2012

Tomorrow would be the last day of 2011. I would like to take this moment to reflect on things I have done this year.

I went to Singapore for the very first time in my life. Twice. Once during the Chinese New Year which was in February and the second one in November. One with my own money for holiday and the other was fully paid by my boss Mr LOOKS, well of course through the company. Singapore is different from Malaysia. Somehow it is more structured, organized and modern from KL.

I got a nephew. A girl. Born just few days before my birthday. I guessed she was my birthday gift for the year. Her name means The Clever Princess. I went to Muar on the very day she was born. In fact, I was the first to see her among the other family members.

I was rotated within the department. In fact there were movements inside the division. Some are promoted and some moved laterally.

I sent a simple letter on 1.1.11 to NJZ which she was touched. Then a postcard while I was in Singapore. I sent a postcard too to my family but it failed to arrive. She tried to send me postcard, but it never arrived. I tried to send her another small note, but it also never arrived. Then she came back in May but I didn't get to talk to her. I was frustrated since she never wanted to return my calls. Hence she lost me while I was at Langkawi. Again, the Langkawi trip was under the courtesy of Mr LOOKS.

I dated long long lost friend AA, it was the once and only time I got to see her. After that she refused to answer nor return my calls. I lost my hope thus she lost me at the second set of attempts to reach her. I let her go to her wonderland.

I did however managed to meet and date MA, she is young and fun. She has high expectation for her future. She will continue her studies next year to a rather far far land. She has the potential to be my one and only wife. Time will tell.

I managed to take four classes last semester. It made me really really busy. I had no weekends. Then my family came for school holidays. My schedule was so tight that my only interactions is with my family, my co-workers and my classmates, not my other friends. I failed to show up to various events which fall on weekends. My MBA is almost over. I am left with one more class to take. Estimated completion date is sometime in March. Then the graduation ceremony will be held sometime in October. I am now eyeing for another Masters Degree in the UK. Chevening just opened up the application for sponsorship.

A day before my last final exam, I danced on the same stage as Atilia and her band after being interviewed by Linda Onn. I believed that I performed poorly on the final exam as my mind wandered still on the event of the other night.

It was during the last semester that I got rather close with FST. She sat next to me in almost all the classes that she had with me. I tested her and I believed that she had crush on me. I am going to call her tomorrow, which I had indicated earlier to her, to arrange for a meet up. It has been really a while since we meet. Tomorrow too, I may be seeing MA again at a wedding of our mutual friends. I had promised Eddy to go with him. I'll call him first then FST to arrange for the meetings.

Many of my friends got married. I lost count. And I am becoming lazier to give a damn about showing up for the weddings. I am yet to find someone to marry next year. MA is unavailable since she will be going to further her study. FST may be available. I will see how compatible we are when I meet her tomorrow or Sundays. I need to make a call, fast.

My beautiful mind

There are times when I feel strongly about doing something but when the time comes for implementing it, I am reluctant. Perhaps I am thinking too much, objecting ideas that were once brilliant. Mind play. My mind is beautiful. It is as if there are many people inside my head. One people would suggest me do something, but then there are many more objecting it. However there are times when the majority agreed on suggestions. Perhaps this is what we called the conscious mind.

The conscious mind acts like an ideal working government. There are oppositions as well as backbenchers who support the initial suggestion made by the prime minister. Then there are debates on the initial ideas, until a decision is made on whether the suggestion would be approved or rejected. The body will then act accordingly.

Impressive those who can make decision so quickly, such as footballers, badminton players and other athletes who competes with other people. They are in my opinion the most brilliant people in the world. It is as if their CPU i.e. brain processing speed is much faster than others.

Looking at another perspective, professors and other geniuses of the same department, are also brilliant in their mind. They have the stamina to focus and think at a problem for so long until they find the solutions. Amazing.

Always looking for new challenges

Would it be very bad to pretend asleep when you're not. To pretend that you're not home when people are calling your name outside. But I am trying to abstain food as hard as I can. Perception is what matters most. If you can create the atmosphere of feel good. There shouldn't be practically a calamity of coming back to earth.

I always fall into the trap of judging a book by its cover. I have learnt that some books with interesting cover may not be interesting at all. Likewise, some books which seems dusty, uninteresting are actually very captivating with knowledge beyond boundaries. I am trying to be open minded now, approaching all types of books, reading them and trying to know them personally. Only then will I be able to make knowledgeable decision about things which are in reality the most important thing in my life.

There are many choices when buying a car. The best thing to do is to test drive them all. Some dealers are friendly and will take the extra mile to make you feel good. Some are just blatantly stupid to ignore you while they know that we are potential buyers!

The experiment starts now

I am making an experiment to see the behaviour of people towards beauty. Can beauty alone attracts people, man especially? Well, the hypothesis is that we will see few request in the coming days. How will they get connected? Through words of mouth of course.

First day of Ramadan in Year 2011

Hello world. It has been really a while since I fast. To really really fast is not to eat and drink from dawn to dusk. For a muslim, the dawn is marked by the azan (the call for prayer) of subuh prayer. It is not obligatory but strongly encouraged to eat just before the dawn and stop 10 minutes before the azan, sort of like a breakfast to prepare the body for the journey ahead. Then, the dusk, when the breaking of fast is permitted when the azan for maghrib is being called. Depending on where you are in the world, the duration of fasting may vary from place to place. As such, at any time of the day in the world, azan can be heard somewhere in the world, due to timing difference from one place to another.

Today, in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, the beginning of fasting, as mentioned is during the azan of subuh, which happened today at 5.51 am. And the breaking of fast will be during the azan of maghrib which will occur at 7.30 pm. Therefore, today I will be fasting for 13 hours and 45 minutes, since I stop eating before dawn, at 5.45 am, i.e. few minutes before the azan of subuh. The practice to eat before dawn that I am encourage to do is called "sahur". While the practice of breaking the fast is called iftar. Many of the unfamiliar terms mentioned is in Arabic words, with slightly different spelling as compared to other writings.

It is almost half past six in the evening. I am alone at the back of the office waiting for iftar. I am planning to break the fast at the nearby mosque which at times like this prepare food for people like me. I am not feeling hungry typing. Just now when everyone was here, it has been a mixed feeling. Talking and laughing has resulted in slight realization of hungriness and thirstiness.

I am one man without anyone waiting for me at home at this moment. My parents is overseas while my sister is 3 hours drive from here. She is married with one daugther. I am always with one mission to find a wife, for the rest of my life.

eventful week? perhaps

the week has not ended but yet so many events i'd like to remember

1-went to the match msia vs singapore at bukit jalil last night. msia lost in aggregate while scoring 1-1.

2-last Wednesday when there are so few people at the office, went to a mini date with zeeeha. sth i've been always dreaming of. we went to jalan hang jebat.

3-tonight resting

4-tomorrow will eat lunch and run at night. shapely run.

5-sunday for first taraweeh.

BERSIH Yet so dirty

when the people of Thailand decided to go protesting by wearing yellow and red t-shirts, they collided and many stupid things happened. people got killed and many more were injured.

Yesterday, 9 July. some Malaysians were trying to emulate what had happened in Thailand. Luckily, the police was quick to act. They managed to contain the two groups or else the unthinkable would happened. The yellow shirts were the BERSIH group while the red shirts were the PATRIOT led by Khairy Jamaluddin (KJ). Why would he advocate such an act of having another group wearing the red shirts? The simple logic is that when two groups of different ideology collided, in the tension of so many people, marching down the street, under the scorching sun, the two groups will bite each other off! And KJ being as stupid as he is, organized a coalition wearing red shirt to tell the world that there those who are against the yellow group, BERSIH.

I am against BERSIH. There are many people who are not with BERSIH. I am for a clean election but I do not conform to the way they were planning the world that they want a clean election. There are many other ways to communicate their ideas, peacefully!

So those who are not with BERSIH will not join them, marching down the road! Thus KJ need not show the world by organizing another ground to demonstrate on the street. Just stay away from BERSIH and people will know that you are not with BERSIH.

Truth be told, BERSIH is not really what it seems to be. It is not just a demonstration to demand for clean election. Do you think that it is so simple. There are more to see behind all the reasons. It may be just a decoy for something greater. Something greater for some people but the rest of the demonstrator are just tools that are being used.

Most people are puppet for few people who knows the greater agenda.

Think about it.

BERSIH, it is not just cleaning up. There are bigger plans which I and normal you will not know about. Only some will know, those who are behind it all.

The puppet master - the controller of all puppets.

It could be anyone, US, Jews, CIA, etc. who knows.!

Salary at PETRONAS

Truth be i told, there a lot of reasons to be working at PETRONAS. its working condition is not as different as any other companies in Malaysia. Yet, the starting salary is RM 4000 for fresh graduate and additional 500 if you have the critical technical competencies. Its medical benefit is among the easiest to use with the widest coverage. You'll be given an AIG insurance card which can be used at almost all clinics. Truth be told, you can always negotiate your salary if you have the edge to do so. Try to be different and stand out.

Truth be told, you'll be lucky if you've a wife working for PETRONAS, because the medical benefits also cover the husband, unlike most companies. Yet PETRONAS has the policy that husband and wive should not be PETRONAS employees. If you do decide to get married, when you are both PETRONAS's employees, you will be transferred so far away unimaginable. So you can safely assumed that the chances are high to find single ladies at PETRONAS.

p/s: I am not working for PETRONAS nor does having any affiliate. I did try to become a PETRONAS scholar but was rejected at the earliest stage. Nevertheless, I am a loyal PETRONAS petrol user.

Permanent Head Damage (PhD)

It has been a while since I last saw or interact with her. It was last sunday while I was running an errand at a mall when I saw somewhat a familiar face. She was sitting down at a restaurant, not waiting for anyone but the waiter. I approached her and asked, "hey, how was studying?" "dude! i never thought PhD is sooo hard! I am burning my brain out!" Then she held her plate to me, "dude, you wanna eat this?"




"whoa," i said, "take it easy, babe!"


suddenly..


she threw her fork at me. with such a force that it penetrated into my cheek! i was bleeding profusely.. unable to keep my consciousness, i fell onto the floor.

i was dead for few hours before they surged me with the highest voltage possible.

thank God I do not suffer any permanent injury but she.. she suffer permanent head damage while attempting her PhD.



=P

Life and planning ahead

Plan changes, because you never know what will happen tomorrow.
I always change my plan. I change when I acquire more knowledge. When you have more information, you can plan better. The better you plan, the more ready you are to face the challenge in the future. With proper planning, you can even be prepared for something unexpected. You are calm when faced with surprises. Because in your planning you have not one way of going forward, but you are prepared with options for different scenarios. You will never be accused of over-planning. But let's not deter any progress of moving forward by thinking too much. Thinking too much that you are afraid stepping forward because you are trying to visualize all possibilities of stepping forward and not stepping forward. So let us not be confused with "planning" and "thinking too much". Yes, planning need some thinking but not to the extend you are procrastinating everything. You have to be quick in making scenarios and let some thoughts go away.

I am an engineer. I plan to become an engineer since I was a student at secondary school. I ruled out medic since I have never been comfortable with bloods and cutting anything that is living (or even some dead animal such as frog). I never have the complete information of what I can be when I grow. All I can think of is that I want to build things and so I must become an engineer. Yet even when engineers build things, they are not usually doing something spectacular, most engineers are just designing based on available designs. Well, I think i am saying something wrong, so let's not continue about what engineer is doing.

When I was an engineering student, I realized that all the theories being taught are too complicated. Most of us end up memorizing rather than understanding.

Wait.. I am digressing..

What I wanna is say that plan can change. It's ok to steer into different direction when you gain more knowledge. Life is about learning. You may not know what you really want to do in life. But it's ok. Life is about trying. If you do not try then you will never know. You may not want to believe everything people tell you. What they experience may be totally different from your own experience.

I am now an engineer but now I am doing an MBA. I am interested with financial engineering. Learning how money is being manipulated by the west. Perhaps, I would like to do a PhD in Financial Engineering, win a Nobel prize for creating a formula that can eradicate interest in common financial instruments. I would like to be writing at the wall street journal. Perhaps, I should begin writing there first before applying for PhD at a prestigious university in UK or US. After all they are the king of manipulators.. creating money out of nothing.

Interest rate to slow down the economy

from the depth of my mind, the mind speculates.

economy: the interest rates are going up, meaning that the cost of borrowing will increase, making purchases of things less affordable. this is a sign that the central bank is applying a slight force to slow down the economy. this is done to ensure that inflation would not take place as too many people afford to buy houses, cars and other things while, at the same time encouraging people to save money. (as the cost of borrowing increases, so does the profit from saving money in the bank). people who deposit money in the bank are technically the lender.

why is this happening? prices of things especially houses are going up too quickly because demand exceeds supply. and the gap between the demand and supply is growing at a fast rate.

will the bubble explodes? not in the near future. the central bank is taking the right decision to slow down inflation. i speculate that the interest rate will continue to increase eventually, as the demand for houses keep on increasing. with the help from banks, an average joe with a salary of RM 3000 can manage to buy a house amounting to RM 400,000. if no proper mechanism to screen affordability are in place, then even those who cannot afford to pay the monthly installment will be approved to buy a house beyond their means. causing the bubble to burst.

inflation is on the rise as the value of basic goods getting more expensive. the electricity tariff has just gone up. while the tariff hike does not introduce shock to consumers using less than RM 77 worth of electricity, they will eventually feel the effect through the increase of other products, as these commercial users of electricity will incur more cost due to tariff hike.

purchasing parity will go down. meaning that with the same amount of ringgit, you can buy less items that you used to do a while back. implying that the value of ringgit has gone down. so what is not being affected by inflation? GOLD. the same amount of gold can be used to buy a goat during the times of Prophet Muhammad SAW as you can do it today.

but the futures price of gold is lower than the spot market price of gold. why? because market expects that the supply of gold cannot be promised in the future. gold is becoming too valuable in the future that people believe that no price today can guarantee the delivery of gold.

Ahhh how time flies.

nowadays, the time feels shorter and shorter each day. today i tried to fill in my claim form but to no avail. the day ended without me doing anything really. just talking with friends, surfing the web and read some articles. the banging sound in the building due to some construction works being done also inside the building exaggerate my unwillingness to do any work, not forgetting Monday blues.

how time flies. only 4 classes left this semester.

i really don't know how to approach her. i don't want to lose her..

the more I see it the more resemblance I am feeling

OMG. i am feeling more confidence of looking at her. but never yet a word was spoken. somehow the lips are glued together whenever I was passing through.

She's not really photogenic. In real life she is way more beautiful. Her resemblance to Nora Elena is taking more and more shape every time I look at her.

Timing is vital. I don't want to make an awkward moment by teasing her.

Perhaps next week will be something to look forward too. It's midterm exam and I will be sitting at the very back so I can look at her. =D

I won't call back, NJZ.

I am not sorry not to call back.
I think I know too well what you want to say.
You want to say sorry you did not call back.
You want to say you're overwhelmed.
You want to say how you have been too busy.
You want to say how much you want to talk to me.
You want to say that you regret not doing this and that.
But you lost me at Langkawi.
So I guess that would be your last call.
And I won't be available for you.
For the eternity that I am seeing.
So long and have fun there.

Seizure I saw

Yesterday, Monday 16 May 2011. The day I that I thought I could relax and go fun n easy. Nonetheless, the morning started with urgent meeting by Dato Azman and I had to take the minutes. It was a quick meeting discussing updates on such events that are happening today. Dato Azman was on leave so he left immediately after the meeting. I, had to gather the strength to venture for the rest of the day. Well, I finished the minutes and sent to the PA of Dato Azman for endorsement.

Well the went quite normal as any other working day until around 4.20 pm. I went a colleague place to chit chat as it is more than 4 pm and I need some refreshment from mundane work. So there he was sitting at his place typing on his keyboard but i was not really looking at him as someone else appeared from the pantry that i needed to apologized since i missed her wedding invitation. suddenly i heard my friend/colleague producing a strange sound, some sort of hissing sound from him like gasping for air straight into his lung. I looked at him aghast, he was having spasm, his hand, his face were experiencing sudden contraction, his eyes were rolling up, his jaw was jerking looking as if he was experiencing pain but he was not responding to my talking, suddenly he was pushed backwards, sort of standing up due to his leg stretching out pushing him away, backwards, against the cubicle wall, against the chair, he was falling down, sliding smoothly onto the floor and yet he was still spasming.

He was on the floor unconscious, yet his body was stiff, he was not responding to my shouting, so I panicked and asked for help, two ladies that I was talking to shouted for help. It was a panic mode for everyone, people were running, rushing to his cubicle. Another lady called the ambulance. Few men went to his side, asking for water and then wiped his face with water. They called his name and he started to regain consciousness, acknowledging the people around him.

The medical team arrived. Took his blood pressure which was high at 160. By then he was awake, the ambulance was outside. The medical team asked whether he had experience seizure before, so I called his brother and asked, while telling him what happened. So this was his first time having seizure.

We took him to the ambulance. He tried to walk on his own, asking for his stuff i.e. glasses, phone and wallet. But he was not fully himself, he seemed lost, not knowing what had happened, he was not walking straight, he looked dizzy so we put him on a chair - normal office chair with wheel - and pushed him to the ambulance.

We took him to the nearest hospital which is only few minute drive. His brother managed to arrived at the hospital at the same time we arrived at the hospital. He was admitted to the emergency room. He was awake and dumbfounded. He did not remember anything since 4 pm. The last thing he remembered was walking towards the office, but did not remember that he had ever entered the office or sat in his cubicle.

The doctors are still figuring out what's wrong with him. They confirmed that his brain is ok. I suspected that he did not have enough rest. Too tired. Just too tired. Like a computer that has been running for so long that it hang. Then it restarted. Ergo, explaining the few minutes of his lost memory. Just like a computer that hang, some unsaved work become lost forever.

The long distance relationship that did not work

For few months, NJZ and me has been trying with no avail to nurture a long distance relationship. Before that, we manged to get together for few times for couple months before she flew off to continue her study. The main reason I believe is that none of us are able to satisfy each other solely with communication other than face to face. When you are far away and all you can hear is the voice and see a face but it not the same as being together physically. Worst is communication through email or chatting because what we want to say is always being misinterpreted. Also, the technology that I used is not on far to established a pure satisfaction in terms of intimacy. We grew tired of not being able to express ourselves freely. We grew tired of having misinterpretation. We grew tired of not having the other person not online when one person was excited to talk or to communicate. The tiredness grew into frustration. I sent her a note which arrived succesfully. My postcard also managed to reach her safely. But her postcard to me never arrived to me till today. She was frustrated and depressed. I did not know how to assure her, to make the postcard arrive to me. Perhaps I failed to show how much care through words that was written or through words that came through my mouth. I only wish that I can be with her and hug her tightly or just listening while looking at her eyes.

the most important in a relationship that i discover is the importance of giving love (by man) and receiving love (by woman). since that is something i can't keep up with due to technology limitation, time differences, etc. the relationship has to end, hopefully with grace by both sides.

Nudibranch = Love

The picture is taken from http://science-by-paddy.blogspot.com/2008/05/nudibranchs.html

and also if you would like to read more about that beautiful creature, do surf on the above website.

the concept of nudibranch of love has been introduced to me by my first love, SZZR. right now i am looking for love. love that can light up the darkness inside the heart. love that can complete the incomplete feeling of myself. something is missing deep down inside my heart, the last puzzle, the piece that i am looking for. next week kate middleton will officially become the princess of England. The royal wedding will be shown live at CNN this friday.

not that it matters to me. i can care less if anyone wants to marry anyone else right now. the feeling of numbness inside me can only be cured if i can marry someone i can truly love, with my dearest heart. i am ready to assume the responsibility of a perfect lover. however, i am still searching. no girl right now has been given the key to the innermost side of my heart. it is still locked. NJZ has only managed to reach the garden. so does SZZR while SZM were only standing at the driveway going to the garden. the door is still locked and i hope to open it anytime.

i am looking for love with an open heart, yet the innermost side of my heart is still locked. irony. i hate to have the thought of waiting for love that may never exist so i will move to fast lane with smarttag at my hand.

i am nudibranch. sliding through the bottommost part of the ocean. looking at people from underneath it all. so that i can see with greater perspective. i have ruled out several criteria because i know it will never work with me and i need to keep on reminding myself that it will never work, don't even bother to try:
1. girls older than me
2. girls with dark complexion
3. girls who are overweight
4. girls who are too short
5. girls that are too fragile, too thin
6. girls with very soft voice that i have serious problem listening to her
7. girls who are passive
8. girls who smoke
9. girls that are too sexy, showing her sexy pictures on the net
10. girls with angry face
11. girls who are scary
12. girls with love handles that are too obvious
13. girls who smell bad
14. girls with too obvious mole on her face
15. hairy girls
16. passive girls
17. girls that laugh too loudly and too much

What Women Look in Man

I have been going through several stages in relationship and been seeing some pattern on all girls. Well, I do spent many of my times observing the behavior of people especially of the opposite sex, i.e. to me is female. Sometimes, I do things out of norms to see reactions of females to some sort of male behavior. No matter how confidence a female can be, deep down inside they are looking for a male companion who will make plan for them. Female loves it when male does all the planning, at times when she can relax and let all things flow. She want it to be made special, not having to decide and worry about things.

Undeniably, a male that does the planning for a female have the three main attributes:
1. confidence
2. purposeful
3. responsible

Girl/Lady/Woman loves it when man have all the three attributes. It is up to you to imagine why female looks for the three items above.

La Tahzan - Don't be sad (do not be bothered)

it is no use to be annoyed or be sad or be mad or be jealous when AHA call her sayang. do remember the phrase ignorance is a bliss. the more you don't know the less you know about the truth that may hurt or send some uneasiness towards the feelings. if nothing unknown then what is known remains as it is as if nothing really happen and the thought that you have is as you imagine.

so let's get on with the original plan ignoring the calling of sayang by AHA. then I will go by the original plan, that is to let this thing move as it is now until november this year. after we will move on to the next target. but while at it we or rather I should be always on surveillance in order to identify the next best thing.

class will be starting in another two weeks which I hope I will meet new people new faces that are interesting and lovely experience awaits.

so don't bother, if it is meant to be then it will mean to be. so nothing changes.