Tersedak dua kali dia!

I saw NJZ today at her workplace. No, I did not planned to see her. No, it was not coincidence. But there was a function at her workplace that I attended. Yes, I talked to her during tea break. I went to her table casually and she was so surprised seeing me that she almost choked, twice and then blushing a bit. But we were fine, we chatted like an old friend. She was nice to me as I was nice to her. She started work last month. Early week of October this year. Her workplace is conveniently located near the ktm station as she took the train near her house in Kuang (kuang kuang kuang, pun intended). Just one stop before the last stop i.e. Rawang. I was funny most of times as she laughed a lot. 

Later it was I'll see you later as the function was over, she said. 

Yesterday, the Friday I met NJZ

We were texting a trying to set a date to meet when she got back last week, for a 3-week land-off here in the homeland. Alas, she gave in a date yesterday, for me to meet her for lunch. I took a half day since I won't be advisable to drive all the way to her place in the afternoon and then had to go back to the office. I went for Friday prayer over there. It was a small but a newly built/renovated mosque in the vicinity of a condominium. After the prayer I call her and she told me to park somewhere near the Petron and walked to a bank nearby where she would pick me up. It was then I learnt that she wanted me to meet her parents. Well, I was suddenly having butterfly in my stomach, then she took me to her family office which is nearby to that bank and I was told to sit. She called in her mom and luckily her dad was still at the mosques so I didn't get to meet him. She told me that her parents want to see who her daughter is going out with, whomever it is, not just me, so she told me that this was actually a normal practice. Her mom looked nice, and she asked me few questions like am I on leave or something then reminded me not to spend so much time with her daughter.

So we went out, and as she was about to bring me at a Mamak restaurant, I told her I want to go somewhere else. I said I want to bring her somewhere cooler, air-conditioned. So we walked to my car which was blocked by a truck loading some stuff into the petrol station. I had to give some honking to expedite the process that was going on inside.

We arrived at the malay restaurant ordered fish fried with 3-flavored souce, kangkung belacan and a seafood tom-yam. She was good to me, putting some of the dishes to my plated before hers, and of-course I was touched by the hospitality.

We had so much to talk about, my new office, her PhD, etc but somehow I didn't go about to ask her about marriage and how serious I am. Well, it could be attributed to her plan of working at least a year after finishing her PhD, which she will be rushing to do and thus having little time to think about other things and definitely I did not want to put more stuff into her thinking process. Then I dropped her around 4.

There was so much running in my mind after dropping her off. I need to process the overwhelming situation as whether I want to wait and pursue her or find somebody else. Is it normal for me to be seeing her mom? Well, she said her parents want to see any friend that is bringing her out, so I guessed that was not really a big deal. If I were to wait for her then I would spent more than a year waiting and unmarried. I really want to settle down but of course with someone I really like. She was kind to me, smart and pretty. She have the total package and the family business is really holly, i.e. to do some printing associated with religious knowledge.

She texted me later in the evening thanking me for the lunch and how she would do the same for me once she got to work. But I am thinking, that would be like another year or so. So the fact that she would not be ready at the moment (or at least in the near future) to settle down is really a deal breaker to me.

Today, I woke up to see her texted me at 2.49 am (or is Celcom having some issues delivering the message, I wouldn't know) to tell me that I've lost weight since the last two years, well done?

Ready for another rejection

Always. I am always ready. It's not something new. So I received an email from NJZ that she will reply soon as she was busy with her internship.

She addressed me as Hello my dear X. X being my name.

Well, she likes to confuse me. I am perplexed, why can't she just say Yes or No?

What with her addressing me as "... my dear ..."

Am i being over analyzing?

Is she preparing a letter of rejection? Well, she might be afraid that I might get offended so she addressed me as such?

Well, I am prepared for anything. If she accepts then I will do the necessary arrangement i.e. start by telling my parents.

If otherwise, I will venture out to the open sea with an open heart.

If only i can simply choose

Yesterday i went to a conference regarding fiqh and solah, more than 2/3 of the audiences i believe are women. There are some beauties that i wish i can just pick and ask for marriage. They are just beautiful as if the beauty comes from the inside.

How i wish i could just talk to them but it seemed so unappropriate. I should devise a way of getting such girls and such events.

Yesterday just before i went to the conference, i sent a confession email to NJZ, saying how i wish that she will become the mother of my children!

I am yet to hear from her.

I won't call back, NJZ.

I am not sorry not to call back.
I think I know too well what you want to say.
You want to say sorry you did not call back.
You want to say you're overwhelmed.
You want to say how you have been too busy.
You want to say how much you want to talk to me.
You want to say that you regret not doing this and that.
But you lost me at Langkawi.
So I guess that would be your last call.
And I won't be available for you.
For the eternity that I am seeing.
So long and have fun there.

The long distance relationship that did not work

For few months, NJZ and me has been trying with no avail to nurture a long distance relationship. Before that, we manged to get together for few times for couple months before she flew off to continue her study. The main reason I believe is that none of us are able to satisfy each other solely with communication other than face to face. When you are far away and all you can hear is the voice and see a face but it not the same as being together physically. Worst is communication through email or chatting because what we want to say is always being misinterpreted. Also, the technology that I used is not on far to established a pure satisfaction in terms of intimacy. We grew tired of not being able to express ourselves freely. We grew tired of having misinterpretation. We grew tired of not having the other person not online when one person was excited to talk or to communicate. The tiredness grew into frustration. I sent her a note which arrived succesfully. My postcard also managed to reach her safely. But her postcard to me never arrived to me till today. She was frustrated and depressed. I did not know how to assure her, to make the postcard arrive to me. Perhaps I failed to show how much care through words that was written or through words that came through my mouth. I only wish that I can be with her and hug her tightly or just listening while looking at her eyes.

the most important in a relationship that i discover is the importance of giving love (by man) and receiving love (by woman). since that is something i can't keep up with due to technology limitation, time differences, etc. the relationship has to end, hopefully with grace by both sides.

La Tahzan - Don't be sad (do not be bothered)

it is no use to be annoyed or be sad or be mad or be jealous when AHA call her sayang. do remember the phrase ignorance is a bliss. the more you don't know the less you know about the truth that may hurt or send some uneasiness towards the feelings. if nothing unknown then what is known remains as it is as if nothing really happen and the thought that you have is as you imagine.

so let's get on with the original plan ignoring the calling of sayang by AHA. then I will go by the original plan, that is to let this thing move as it is now until november this year. after we will move on to the next target. but while at it we or rather I should be always on surveillance in order to identify the next best thing.

class will be starting in another two weeks which I hope I will meet new people new faces that are interesting and lovely experience awaits.

so don't bother, if it is meant to be then it will mean to be. so nothing changes.

That breakfast revisited

Since NJZ confessed that she misses that one breakfast that we had, i'd just want to list all things happen prior, during and after that:

1) it was her proposal to have breakfast, since she felt bad that she could not accept my lunch proposal that week

2) she called the night before saying that she was worried that i could not clock in at 8 which i said it would not matter when exactly i do clocking

3) we're both early

4) she was having bad mood, complaining about my car seat that was so reclined

5) i did not talk much during the drive since she was looking stress

6) we both ordered roti telur, teh tarik for me and warm water for her

7) she confessed that she don't do breakfast usually but in her words, "you're an exception"

8) her mood improve as we talked, she suggest molten rocks a solution to power generation, i said it was new technology and never heard of it. i made fun of the announcement by raju on the load speaker (which was in tamil/hindustan) that they are calling for me to get back to the office.

9) i made joke about the announcement everytime, and everytime she laughed

10) she insisted on paying for the meal which i reluctantly let her. i playfully suggest that she buy some kueh for her boss which she refused but she did buy some for herself.

11) she complained that my car was so dirty, i said that i just washed it but it was raining these few days and i have uncovered parking

12) she made fun of my choice in music while shuffling through my music collection in my iphone which then whe settled for "I Try" by Macy Gray

13) she said that maybe this would be our last time seeing each other which i asked why and went oooohhh aahhh

14) when we arrived at her office i told her that i like her company which she reciprocated

Perplexed still, I am

What would it mean when a girl said well done for being so sweet? and share with you a youtube link on a dutch couple who was being interviewed by a Holland TV station on when was the last time they had sex? did it even matter what she was thinking? maybe i am thinking too deep into this matter. maybe all she wished was to share some laughter. and proposed that we should go to Holland, totally. and she answered yes we should =DD. knowing girls i think maybe they have underlying meanings to whatever is being said. knowing boys, most of what we said came out as being spontaneous and without having particular meaning at all. not with girls because they so emotionally attached and i wonder if everything they said go more than they sound. she also said that she missed having breakfast with me when in reality we only had breakfast once. maybe that one breakfast that we had was the best memorable memory about me.

i called her and she picked up but she was not saying anything. just listening to me saying hello for numerous times, for 47 seconds to be exact. she emailed to ask if tried to call her. i asked why there was deafening silence on her side and she said she heard me. then she called me to say that she was rather busy but she just calling to let me hear her voice. later she called again to ask how i was and later i found out that she is skype-ing through her phone and she was not in her room but was outside visiting her old college. that explains several things. she was just listening because maybe she was with some people.

i guess maybe she was very similar to me. as if she was the female version of me, ergo her emotions are sometimes hard to comprehend by a mere man like me.

I hope I wasn't mean to NJZ

On a beautiful date of 11-1-11 I wrote a simple note to her which was sent later that evening. The stamp should cost RM1.50 for a 10 gram letter but I insisted to pay RM2 for the stamp. The note was so simple that it did not fill a whole A4 letter. I posted the note using an envelope which was meant for SZZR, now thanks to NJZ and I managed to completely eliminate the feeling I had for SZZR. SZM was not able to do that but NJZ did and I would be forever grateful to her.

Well, the letter or the note arrived 9 days later on 20-1-11 around noon her time and around 8 pm our time. NJZ seemed to be highly jubilant from the emails she sent to me. She sent two emails which I purposely did not reply instantaneously and she sent another to shout just my name the next morning which I delayed the reply until around noon my time or while she was sleeping supposedly at her time zone.

She called me that night while I was having class. The call was one-sided since I could hear her but she could not hear me. She called using skype thus the number was blocked. She emailed to say that her wifi connection was bad and I blatantly sent an email saying that UK has bad internet while US has good internet connection because they started the internet.

Am I mean? I hope not. We exchanged few emails arguing about that.

She called to say goodbye.

Last night, as I was fidgeting whether to call or not call and when to call, at night or in the morning, I felt twitching on my right eyelid thinking maybe someone dear is thinking of me. All of the sudden, my phone rang and it was her, NJZ. Wow, I took a deep breath and answered the call. I was happy to hear her voice and as usual she asked whether I was busy or not. No, I was sitting at home thinking about her. My real intention was not to call her at all and let her wonder where I was, just like what Amir Khan did in 3 idiots making everyone who cares search for him.

Well she said that I represent tenaga, and everything she would like to remember about tenaga. It was actually so sweet of her to be calling me. We talked for the longest duration in any phone calls that we had ever had.

She is leaving tonight, 2 hours after midnight. I am not planning to call her because by now and then, she would be busy doing all sorts of things thinkable to mankind when they're leaving. If I were to be in her shoes, I won't even carrying my phone, I will leave it with my parents because going overseas to study, I won't be using my the calling plan here of course. In fact, I only had my phone in the US for emergency. For everything else I rely on the internet since the speed is reliable and fast.

So perhaps, I will keep in touch with her later, some other times, when I feel like it. Till we meet again NJZ.

the final lesson

although i went ranting about not wanting to initiate any more contact with NJZ, i could not. she taught me a lot but not about breaking up. i need to know one final lesson: how do you break up with girl without hurting her feeling. well, i finally got the answer today as I was confessing to her how much i love her and missing her more and more each day. well, she got my point and feel that i wanted to be more than just friend with her. so she told me how sweet i am, how we first knew each other, and that she like me for me and love hanging out with me because she is comfortable with me. but all she want is me being her friends, really good friends and whether i am ok with that. yes, why not, i am not surprised and am rather expecting her to say that.

take care, dear. : dear here is to clarify that she cares about me but doesn't like me in that way that she wanted to be more than friend or she would call me babe.

i have the highest suspicion that she still in love with her BF, HR. she went all over europe with him but i will never find out what happen to them. maybe they broke up or having a break with each other but she feel lonely since he's so far away perhaps and that she wrote a poem to him about wanting to be close with him like teeth and braces, shoes and laces or sentences without spaces.

so long dear.

Letting go

22 12 2010

exactly after a month since i first dated her. I believe it is time to let her off my mind. i am tired, losing interest on her. she is stressed out and acting erratically, giving out mix signals to me.

so i believe it is time that i do not initiate anymore contacts with her, beginning from this moment onwards.

this is the best i can do for her. let time decides. how, i do not know.

i will start new, aiming on new flowers. goodbye NJZ, you have served your purposes and taught me a lot. Thank you.

i believe the dream girl i always wanted is someone like mar lia or zee ha. simple yet elegant. easy going yet witty and funny. athletic and always looking fresh.

Am I hooked or she is?

14 Dec 2010. Tuesday.

She has so much going on with her life right now. There are so many things she has to settle with. She became laptop-less as her mac died on her due to the rain, exposed as she carried her laptop in her bag while its raining. She is going early next month on a new journey of her life.

Yet, we were having lunch again. This time around, she picked me up, as she was leaving from her house to her office in the afternoon. While at it, we went around the city as she needed to buy some fruits and delivered it to someone. As she seems so bad with direction in the city, I insisted that we do her chores first before having lunch. With the help of my iphone, we managed to find the targeted house and delivered the promised inventory. Since time is of an essence, I decided that we should just have our lunch somewhere nearby.

She parked across the street and went through the row of shop lots. What seem to be an easy task suddenly became less easy since we were having some difficulties in making up our mind. I suggest that we tried dominos, but upon entering the restaurant I decided that I did not like the menu so we went out and I said sorry to the waiter. We ended up having lunch at a random malay restaurant with no name on the outside.

she ordered pattaya and ice tea while i ordered mee goreng mamak and hot lemon tea. she confessed that she is a conservative type, with traditional values and like chillies sauce with her meal. my mee was not anything like mamak style but rather more to malay style.

as usual i feel good and she seems to feel good after the meeting. she was only worried on how to get back to her office which she eventually managed to.

she dropped me somewhere convenience as i need to go somewhere first before heading back to my office. after that i called just to check up on her but she was in a meeting.

a call that touches her soul. and she was grateful. which she told me the next day.

Taming or rather learning from the Pro Player NJZ

3rd Disember 2010 - Friday

It was a long day and I was burnt out when I got home later at night.

I had to wake up earlier than usual in order to have breakfast at R a j u ' s with NJZ. This could be our last time alone together, she had taught me what I need to learn and I am all ready to go.

She looked rather grumpy when I picked her up at her office at 7.35. (Well, I arrived at my office at 7.16 to punch in then went to pick her up). She told me that she is at the phase of her life that makes her confused and depressed, because she knows that she will be leaving soon, leaving the things that she love here and facing the uncertainties ahead in UK where she will start a new life, as a postgraduate student where the classes would be different ergo the lifestyle. Going back to UK where the weather is gloomy, where she knows that she would be depressed most of the time because deep down inside she would be lonely. Being 24, unmarried, a girl would always feel insecure and worry. I didn't really know what to say so I just listened. Because if i said i totally understand then i would be lying. Honestly, i don't know what a girl feel even though i listen to many girl songs, I didn't really scrutinize their lyric but i just like the music because it is easy on my ear.

She usually does not have breakfast, but she said, "you are an exception". She was also earlier that day than any other days, she drove so fast from home that her speed needle reached the 160km/h mark. We promised last night to meet up at 7.45 but we were both earlier than expected.

Her mood gradually improve as we talked while we eat roti telur under the tree without sun shine shining brightly but the air was fresh with no one really yet coming to the usually crowded place (she was here before with other man, that's why i claimed her as a pro player since she has been seeing so many guys, which i lost count). She opened up about her life, she was the eldest of the two siblings, her brother is pretty young at 8yrs old. She has another brother which is slightly older but he is from different mother but the same father as her and he is married with his wife pregnant half-way. She would become an auntie at almost the same time when I will become an uncle. I knew earlier that she is 1/8th Pakistani but through our conversation i know that she is 1/2 Chinese since her mother is a Chinese. She asked if she look Chinese, I don't think so I said because honestly she does not look like anyone that I can associate her with. She is unique.

She paid for the breakfast which I was reluctant at first to let her but she insisted so I let her. She bought few of that Indian donut like kueh to eat at the office. As usual when she got back to my car, she would want to look at my iPhone and browse the music that was stored inside. She made fun of my music collection playfully. She had trouble finding a song that she would settle down with.

When I sent her back to her office, her mood had improved dramatically. She was herself again and I told her that I like her company and vice versa she agreed with me.

She left me with a song by Macy Gray - I Try: I am not sure whether she wanted to convey any message or she just like to hear the slow melody.

Games, changes and fears
When will they go from here
When will they stop
I believe that fate has brought us here
And we should be together
But wer,e not
I play it off but I'm dreamin of you
I'll keep it cool but I'm fiendin.
I try to say goodbye and I choke
I try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it it's clear
My world crumbles when you are not near
Goodbye and I choke
I try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it, it's clear
My world crumbles when you are not near

I may appear to be free
But I'm just a prisoner of your love
I may seem alright and smile when you leave
But my smiles are just a front
I play it off but I'm dreamin of you
I'll keep my cool but I'm fiendin
I try to say goodbye and I choke
I try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it it's clear
My world crumbles when you are not near

Here is my confession
May I be your possesion
Boy I need your touch
Your love kisses and such
With all my might I try
But this I can't deny
I play it off but im dreamin of you
I'll keep my cool but I'm fiendin
I try to say good bye and I choke
I try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it it's clear
My world crumbles when you are not near

Despite, we had lunch

22 11 2010 - I met NJZ again, this time for lunch. This is the third encounter. The first at the HQ while meeting someone of importance and the second is in Penang while conducting an event of importance. However, this is really the first time we were really talking. Real talk, to know each other.

Despite all the feelings I had, I decided to accept my good old friend advice to apology and amend the relationship that is about to be broken of due to me making an ASS of myself, assuming what she was thinking or feeling based on signs and gut feeling. So I apologize and asked her out for lunch.

So I picked her up and it felt so natural. As if we had known each other forever. So she was 1/8 Pakistani and we went to an Indian food restaurant (although I made that decision without knowing that she had some Pakistani blood in her.

She is bubbly, talkative and smart and witty and funny. I realized now that I like her company. But alas, she will be leaving this country after about a month. She sounded sad that she would be leaving, saying that there would not be much time to hang out with her friends, that she would be unfair to marry someone and then not wanting to have baby right away because she do not want to have to choose between her love for higher education against having her own baby.

Strange as it sounds, we talked about marriage.

And lots of things.

I have the feeling that I should take this opportunity to pour everything that I had up in my sleeve. After all, what do i have to lose? I will be losing her anyway. So better let loose of everything, I think. To try, so that I will learn, cause time is running out, of course I do not want to start learning when I found the right person to marry because then it would be too late.

Maybe, it is fate that she is God sent for me to learn, about life.

Screw you NJZ

A full circle of karma has been bestowed upon me. I totally experience everything that I did to SZM, now that it was done by NJZ to me.

I am bored, uninterested and tired of her. I will let her go. In fact, she had put a black spot inside my heart. It used to hurt, but not anymore.

I had been warned when she first appeared, that she was just monkeying with my heart. The appearance of a monkey yesterday morning came as a sign of what I would feel yesterday. She had shown her lowest interest level in me, and so I am and will be feeling towards her.

So screw her. She is nothing special actually. She wrote a book so? Because her father own a publishing company, so she can write any book she wanted and her father will publish it. She went to a well established university so? Anyone and many people including myself had been studying in well established university. She is taking a PhD so? She will be getting a permanent head damage and I, pity her. She is not tall and slender so? I will find somebody else who are and fun and witty and fair and smart and have the greatest faith towards Allah.

NJZ a pro at being a player

It has been pretty hard to ask NJZ out, she always come up other things to do and other people to meet. Texting her does not seem fun anymore, she is slowly detaching herself away from me. I have the gut feeling that she had realize the mistake of giving out her phone number to me. So when I called, she would mumble and become pretty hard to comprehend. She's smart and I believe, witty too. She only being nice when answering my text and i feel i can empathize, she is doing the same thing i did to SZM a while back when I believe that me and SZM has no chemistry. SZM likes me and keep on sending me greetings everyday saying good morning and happy working till I became uninterested and delayed my reply to her.

But they say that man and woman behave differently. If a girl that i am not interested text me everyday, I will become annoyed and make her thing that I do not like her anymore by sending messages that does not really answer her question simply but to write something out of the blue that do not need any reply from her.

Is this karma? I am starting to like NJZ but she is playing game with me, she is acting hard to get. Does this mean that she not interested in me anymore after closer look at me. Or is she genuinely busy to be unable to accept my invitation for lunch and currently not replying my text.

Her answer to my invitation does seem any encouraging. She said something that she would take up my offer sometime in the future :) and what's with the smiley face? Is she trying to mock me.

So I decided that I will not pay anymore attention to her. I will not text her nor call her at least for 4 days. or do i keep on bugging her? making her life miserable and hopefully creating slight guilty feeling inside her heart. I think I will go with the second approach, to keep on bugging her everyday so that she would feel uneasy for not accepting my invite to go out with her. In addition, in a month or so she would disappear from this country so in a month or so if anything will go bad, I will not be seeing her. However, I will not make myself look like a psycho stalker. I will be discreet and persevere in making her guilty conscience resurface.

I will not her win. She does not always win! TEEHEE

Initial Assessment of NJZ

Until to this date, I have not been able to actualize a one-on-one face-to-face heart-to-heart conversation with NJZ just to know her better. Our first arrangement to have lunch on Monday started with some delightful exchanges of messages on Saturday. First, it would coincide with another arrangement that she would have with another guy friend whom I have no interest of asking who he is. However, she had asked me to join them and reliving past experiences with SZZR, I accepted her extended invitation to have a threesome lunch at Subway taking into consideration the midpoint of the three participants involve in the arrangement. However, on Sunday alas she was just informed of an urgent meeting with someone with power at the office in the morning that she would afraid that would be dragged until lunch time and thus she asked my opinion of what to do and she did not want to "stand me up" and additionally her friend would also not coming (coincidentally convenient?). Thus she suggested that if I insisted, she would not mind having the lunch somewhere near to my place but despite that she was afraid that she would "stand me up" since she did not know when the meeting with someone of importance would finish. Taking into consideration many aspects of life and people of importance, I decided that she should not rush to have lunch with me or else I may regret if anything would happen to her. So I suggested that the lunch meeting to be put on hold until later dates that would be convenient to all parties involve.

Calling her has not been a delightful experience either. Either I could not listen to her clearly, cracking on the line or vice versa where she could not comprehend me properly. Is it due to her phone?, my phone?, the lines? or were she faking it so that we would not be talking on the phone perhaps? Thus, I do not feel like calling her again since she may perceive me as being stuttering due to not so smooth telephone line between us two. This does not happen when I call my sister or my family or my friends because I can talk as smoothly as possible without the line interfering.

I could not comprehend the feeling that we have, is it mutual or am I clapping with my hand that is not making any sound. But I really feel happy and excited when she replied to my messages/texts with all the :) emoticons that she put inside her texts.

As of now, I will carry it slow like pulling out a thread out of flour, the thread will not break and the flour will not spill over. Also, if I am trying too hard to get her, I should not be doing it at all. Because by trying too hard, we would be forcing something unnaturally. When something comes naturally then it would settle naturally and adhere firmly towards one another.

Perhaps I need a neutron to make the fusion work, between me and NJZ. And I am left to wonder, what would be the neutron?

The confusion over Hey You by NJZ

I am baffled profoundly on this occasion of having to deal with an opposite sex who looks as if she is interested in me (and i would be interested in her if she is interested in me, but never mind if she is not). It seems like like/crush/love at the first sight for her because i never did start to get to know her but she did and managed to get in touch and befriended me through FB (nowadays, to befriend someone is as easy requesting friendship online and if the other party accepts then a friendship is established voila!).

Well, I have established an online friendship with her after bumping to her unexpectedly after meeting someone else I know, and she happened to be arranging meeting with that someone I know. So maybe she got to know my name during the bumping (even though I did not really physically bumped into her but we sort of playing eyes with each other). She looks fine to me and perhaps I do too looks fine to her.

After few online message exchanges, she out of the blue gave her phone number and asked me to call her. I called her that night (after serious hesitation) and it was really bad timing since she was having dinner with "someone", she said she would call back but she never did. I was hoping too she would not be calling me somehow since I was tired and really wanted to go to sleep. Anyhow, I would be meeting her the next morning. It was just that I would be feeling very uneasy if I did not called her that night since the fact that I would be seeing her the next day. True enough, I felt asleep afterwards without the slightest uneasiness at my heart.

I saw the next day and casually asked how she had been. This would be our first time talking one on one, face to face. She was rather inviting, it seems, since she was sitting alone looking busy at her computer. Although she looks busy I just sat next to her and exchange few remarks. She took her laptop from the desk onto her lap as if wanting to hide from me what she was doing. (in another instance, when I was sitting beside a female colleague, she dimmed her screen so dark that I had the feeling that she herself was having trouble looking at the screen, just so that I could not look at what she was looking at her laptop screen). However, she found some free time out of her busy activity typing at the computer to actually talked and appear to pay attention to me. It was rather awkward, especially that she is speking English at me even though we are both Malay. It was more like I was speaking Malay and she kept answering me in English. It was then I lost my ball pen which was never recovered.

I went to sit elsewhere, somewhere more appropriate since my boss need me by his side. I did not talked to her the whole day, even during lunch when we were sitting at one table but of course the table was also occupied by few other people and we were not sitting side by side but actually opposite each other on that 8-person round table for lunch. So it would be more awkward for me to talk to her when she was at the other side of the table. I finally talked to her after the event ended and offered her my room since she had already checked and need to spend some times to wait for her flight at nine. Of course the room offer was not with me inside but I was about to go out the city and the room would empty and safe for her to go inside and take a rest, which she never did, which I believed was too much hassled since the shuttle bus to the airport is at seven while the moment the room offer was made it was already six. She would be better of sitting there and just wait for the shuttle bus than rather to go up the elevator, carry her stuff, go into the room then rush back downstairs to catch the bus. I totally agree with her action.

I figured that she never did go to my room since there was no trace of her in the room. I called her just to check whether she was safe but it was not picked up. However, she did text to say that she was already on board and I was sweet to offer the room but she did not really go to my room. I replied and asked whether she got lost finding my room but she never replied.