Yesterday, the Friday I met NJZ

We were texting a trying to set a date to meet when she got back last week, for a 3-week land-off here in the homeland. Alas, she gave in a date yesterday, for me to meet her for lunch. I took a half day since I won't be advisable to drive all the way to her place in the afternoon and then had to go back to the office. I went for Friday prayer over there. It was a small but a newly built/renovated mosque in the vicinity of a condominium. After the prayer I call her and she told me to park somewhere near the Petron and walked to a bank nearby where she would pick me up. It was then I learnt that she wanted me to meet her parents. Well, I was suddenly having butterfly in my stomach, then she took me to her family office which is nearby to that bank and I was told to sit. She called in her mom and luckily her dad was still at the mosques so I didn't get to meet him. She told me that her parents want to see who her daughter is going out with, whomever it is, not just me, so she told me that this was actually a normal practice. Her mom looked nice, and she asked me few questions like am I on leave or something then reminded me not to spend so much time with her daughter.

So we went out, and as she was about to bring me at a Mamak restaurant, I told her I want to go somewhere else. I said I want to bring her somewhere cooler, air-conditioned. So we walked to my car which was blocked by a truck loading some stuff into the petrol station. I had to give some honking to expedite the process that was going on inside.

We arrived at the malay restaurant ordered fish fried with 3-flavored souce, kangkung belacan and a seafood tom-yam. She was good to me, putting some of the dishes to my plated before hers, and of-course I was touched by the hospitality.

We had so much to talk about, my new office, her PhD, etc but somehow I didn't go about to ask her about marriage and how serious I am. Well, it could be attributed to her plan of working at least a year after finishing her PhD, which she will be rushing to do and thus having little time to think about other things and definitely I did not want to put more stuff into her thinking process. Then I dropped her around 4.

There was so much running in my mind after dropping her off. I need to process the overwhelming situation as whether I want to wait and pursue her or find somebody else. Is it normal for me to be seeing her mom? Well, she said her parents want to see any friend that is bringing her out, so I guessed that was not really a big deal. If I were to wait for her then I would spent more than a year waiting and unmarried. I really want to settle down but of course with someone I really like. She was kind to me, smart and pretty. She have the total package and the family business is really holly, i.e. to do some printing associated with religious knowledge.

She texted me later in the evening thanking me for the lunch and how she would do the same for me once she got to work. But I am thinking, that would be like another year or so. So the fact that she would not be ready at the moment (or at least in the near future) to settle down is really a deal breaker to me.

Today, I woke up to see her texted me at 2.49 am (or is Celcom having some issues delivering the message, I wouldn't know) to tell me that I've lost weight since the last two years, well done?

She must politely decline my offer for the time being

So NJZ replied today with a pretty long email explaining her circumstances at the moment. She is really really busy at the moment. But she has thought about the proposal and came to a conclusion that she does not know me too well to say yes or no at the moment. But her answer was stated in the title of this post. It's ok, no harm done. She prays that I will find my soul mate soon.

After some time looking at ceiling while lying on my bed, I called EY just to say hi. She told me that she is making herself busy (she still is not working), she went back to Penang and planning to go to Jakarta.

Ready for another rejection

Always. I am always ready. It's not something new. So I received an email from NJZ that she will reply soon as she was busy with her internship.

She addressed me as Hello my dear X. X being my name.

Well, she likes to confuse me. I am perplexed, why can't she just say Yes or No?

What with her addressing me as "... my dear ..."

Am i being over analyzing?

Is she preparing a letter of rejection? Well, she might be afraid that I might get offended so she addressed me as such?

Well, I am prepared for anything. If she accepts then I will do the necessary arrangement i.e. start by telling my parents.

If otherwise, I will venture out to the open sea with an open heart.

If only i can simply choose

Yesterday i went to a conference regarding fiqh and solah, more than 2/3 of the audiences i believe are women. There are some beauties that i wish i can just pick and ask for marriage. They are just beautiful as if the beauty comes from the inside.

How i wish i could just talk to them but it seemed so unappropriate. I should devise a way of getting such girls and such events.

Yesterday just before i went to the conference, i sent a confession email to NJZ, saying how i wish that she will become the mother of my children!

I am yet to hear from her.

The closure, goodbye EY

It was the last phone conversation. Short and direct.

I was no longer feeling the same attraction as before. I don't think us won't work.

So the phone call was just a confirmation that I am not being bad. That I am not dissapearing just like that. I disappear because of a mutual understanding.

Asked her for dinner. She said she had plan tonight. Asked me to ask Aereeta or Su instead. To me it was a complete rejection.

Why I should no longer chase her:
- she was not that beautiful
- she cares too much for her beauty, she went for vitamin c and collagen injection, quite often
- she is hairy, she needs waxing at least once a month
- she is indecisive
- she forgets
- she cares too much of her last ex
- she is a player, she went out with lots of guys wanting to be just friends
- she can be too sexy at times
- she is lazy
- she always wakes up late in the afternoon
- she carries too many baggages, her house is financed by one of her ex
- she used to be pampered by many men, she's spoilt
- she is high maintenance

So goodbye EY.
I lost MA too.

So what's next?
I'm gonna wait till my birthday, then I will propose to NJZ.

In the meantime, I'll open up to new girls.
In sha Allah I will find my true love in China.

Ah she made contact

Yesterday she let herself out by saying why I was so quiet.

So i had to reply. I am not that cruel.

We'll see if i wanna call her tonight.

I dont wanna be so cold to her.

So i have decided. Why shouldnt we be friend. I'll be her friends. Nothing more.

I'll continue searching. In the meantime, I'll be hanging out with her from time to time.

Just like any normal friends do.

The closure

During my confession the Sunday before this, I did tell her about wanting to marry her and if she is not ready I am ready to move on and find other girls. She did say that she is not ready since she could not get her ex-boyfriend out of her mind and she will marry with those who will give her the same feeling she once had with her ex, implying that I am not giving her the same vibes thus unsuited to marry her. I kept my cool and suggest a sunset dinner together with her twin the next day.

Monday came and she was quiet so I called her asking about the sunset plan which she appeared to have forgotten, told me that she would confirm with her sister. Later she texted that her sister has some other plans tonight so we can't go out. Well ok, I went sleeping until the sunset and later she called asking me to join them for dinner some place nearby.

Nothing spectacular at the dinner, the three of us ate some malay dishes and separate the bills. Her sister insisted that we go for coffee so we went to Ben's at Publika and later the same sister insisted that we go for massage and thus we went to Kota Damansara. During the late hangout she inquired about the trekking that I've been doing during the past mornings (which I told the about) and asked them to join me tomorrow.

Tuesday came and late afternoon the three of us went on hiking and later dinner with some Korean soups. It was during these times that I started to shift attention more towards her sister and not really focusing on her. Well, I sort of being nonchalant about it.

Oh, during the late hangout on Monday, I took a picture of us acting out as if I was spooning her some foods. The pictures went on viral on the facebook with comments wanting to know if we were actually couple which later she denied on Tuesday night. We are just friends.

Later on Wednesday night, around 11, I called her which she never picked up, later not returning the call until today. So this is an opportunity for me to disappear from her. I will not call her until she make contact with me.

I know I have failed before but this would be the time to check and balance. I would not want to be the one who always call first. Let her do it this time around if she want it. If not then it is time for me to move on.

I wish not wasting anymore time in looking for the one and only wife of mine!

Perhaps this is the opportunity to let go. I shall not feel guilty not calling her because I did call her and she did not picked up nor return my call.