Friendster

Some things are meant to be done in private when no one is looking. For me friendster is something I am reluctant to share with anyone. I will only access my friendster account when no one is with me or looking what I am doing. On very occasional basis will I only reveal my friendster activity to others.

Booking a Hotel

I have learned that booking a hotel is best done online rather than on-site or by phone .. unless you really no know how talk and get a good bargain. Unfortunately, being not so sweet a talker I was unable to get the best price when booking a hotel room by phone. The price was higher than those offered online. Some good website to book hotels are:

hotels.com
hotwire.com
or just do a google search.

The fact is that hotels know that when they are using online services to promote their rooms, they must put the best price possible since they know that other hotels are doing the same. Smart travelers will always do research to see which hotels are offering the best price. Booking by phone is in fact a great opportunity for the hotels to give higher price since the people who is answering the customer will want a greater commission through the booking. In conclusion, next time I will always use the net to find the best bargain when traveling!

End of 2006

As with any other people who writes blog, or diary or anything, I will put a conclusion to the year of 2006. It seems that 2006 is pretty different for me. I have started writing to YOU in this year of 2006, beginning to feel extremely lazy at the end of this year 2006.
Have I grown matured over this year.
My my my oh my. I have only one semester to go as of today, which is spring 2007.
So what is the plan ? ? ?
The year will start with me going to Hawaii. What better way to start a new year than to explore a totally different place. I will go on my own, well theoretically since my partner will always be agreeing to whatever things I do. It is a good practice in a sense, since I will have to do a lot of planning. Every plan must have a backup plan, well at least one backup. The worst thing could happen is that we will not be able to rent a car. Which, will leave us to the second option of exploring the islands by bus, which I think will not be as efficient as renting a car. So no matter what we will do what ever possible thing to do in order to secure a car. Although renting a car could be quite costly since, I nor my partner is above 25. Meaning that we will be charged with underage fees which could be about $25 a day. That's about $150 extra for 6 days! I hope it will be worth it..
So what about the semester? I don't think I will be repeating any subject since my desire to work hard has decreased tremendously. I am planning to focus and really give my 100% on my design project in order to secure an A. I really hope God will always guide my heart and my mind to achieve my expectation for this coming semester.
Love life? No love. I mean no relationship. I dream of a miracle. but it will not happen without work. without hope my life would be hopeless. without love my life would be lifeless. so then i will spend some quality time with friends in order to compensate my love life. but my friends are becoming more and more burden to me. so i need to look further, find new faces, speak with different people and be open to the whole world. then i really need to have a good sleep.
So with people always in my room, looking at what i am doing, it is really hard to live my secret utopian life. Little they know about me and less i will share with them. When I tell somebody a secret, it will not be a secret because that somebody will need to share that secret with somebody else, so it is kind of chain-reaction. So my conclusion is to keep everything to myself and share it by mean of writing this blog. This blog is so secret that no one that i know will be reading this, I hope and God forbids any of my friend or anyone i know will be reading this blog.

Failures

I failed again this time.
B B - for my core COCO and EPOW
A - for my arts
?? - i hope it is not less than B for analog.

whatever things making me down again
making me down under
i feel like quitting studying

Resolute Numbness

I am not a native speaker of english nor am i very fluent in it. it has been more than three years coming to the united states and i still find myself struggling to speak in english. i feel that i am wasted yet i still have like another 6 months or so to finally improve my communication skills as this would be my last chance in the united states. so i feel numb. today right here right now i will outlines somethings that has been running through my head:
1) i really really need A's for this semester. i wish i could just be sure about this but i am not. i feel like i have to try so hard to get the glimpse of As. Last night it looks easy to get an A but i still hope nothing screw up
2) i feel like i have no absolute commitment in anything. therefore i will try not to engage in any sort of of elationship.
3) i am fickle. i have no absolute idea what i will do let say in the next few hours. let alone planning a gigantic trip to hawaii. what i plan will change. what i am doing will not last. i will just say that i am spontaneous.
4) i dont feel like seeing people right now. so i lock my doors and shut down the messenger so nobody can communicate with me. i just need this time alone.
5) i think i am through with her. here is what i think about her:
>> she has no interest in me
>> she is a big spender
>> she is too self centered, always think she is cute and all that
>> she got another guy hanging on to her arms
>> she looks strange, she dress strangely beautiful
>> she is too stunning and outgoing
>> i dont really know her
>> she dont really no me
>> she dont care about me
>> she never wish me anything
>> she is uninterested
so i think i will just stop hoping for the miracle and let her go. let she go wherever she wants. i dont care. i mean really who cares. i am cute and attractive. why would i need her. btw, she has a boyfriend that looks like girlfriend. how disgusting looking at them both together. so i will not bother. let she smiles, yet her smiles are so sweet. so let she smiles. thinking just another thing about herself. i am done. bye bye

Last Day of Fall 06

Today as the title is the last day of fall 2006. that mean that i have only one semester to go. for i am always intrigued with how fast something happens when it has actually finished while during the beginning of the semester it feels really slow. so is this the relativity of time by einstein on how we look at time can actually effect on how the time itself is perceived by us human being. i am glad though that it has finished for i have always been waiting for this. one class that i am not satisfied is analog. for it has to many things covered and i am actually dumbfounded on how to tackle this subject.

Finale

Season finale is just around the corner waiting for me to step into the dark facing wrath of the insane. making look like an insane myself so that people will look at me with eyes that bulges that they look like they are going to fall off from the head making me and you sick of looking the disgusting sight. Ok, so actually what i am going to say is that my finals is just a week away and i am not sure whether i am ready or not. for i have been studying and i have been getting tired of studying so sometimes i didnt study so sometimes i play games so sometimes i turn to friendster looking at people that i didnt know just trying to find the perfect match for me. so sometimes i daydream wandering around or looking at flight tickets craving for a crazy escape from this crazy world of mine. actually is not crazy at all. it is just that i am tired and soggy from the materials that we covered in classes and lectures. looking at my lecturers make me feel like vomiting since i hardly could ever understand their true intentions of teaching. often halfway down the class i would fall asleep or thinking about something else. but really i should not be thinking like this since finals is just next week. so what should be the big deal about the finals? well, they really will determine my grades. It is either i do well to score or do badly to fail. i have to choose and i have about one week to prepare. so please wish me luck, pray for my success and hopefully God will help me for He always help me in doing things. btw, i bought a ticket to honolulu but i didnt even prepare any plan for the week stay in hawaii. will i be making fool out of myself?

ThanksGiving 2006

well at least, maybe this is the first time i really appreciate the break. i spent the morning yesterday studying?! and some part tonight studying again?! am i not enjoying my thanksgiving? indeed. i am really grateful (to God) for having this holiday, or break from the lectures, lab and such. yup i need time to catch up. and yes, lecturers are kind enough to help. they gave me assignments and exams to prepare for. but hell yeah i did spent some quality time this short break. got to play for the indoor soccer tournament and hell yeah we qualified for the playoff. its five teams. so only one team did not get to be in the playoff this coming sunday. this morning also we went for the black friday sale. went to target to buy the 400gb hardisk at $150 but alas we came a bit too late. but however, my friends bought 4 lcd each 20" for $170 which is a grreat bargain. i mean if you want to sale it. you can get for almost double the price. right now right here in my room i am writing this blog i am listening to "summer jam remix". i can't get you off my mind. yes HER. hahaha. i dont even know her. yet i like her. am i such a loser. well not in DOTA anyway. remember the time when seniors were here with us, spent like crazy hours playing that dota. thank God there are no more. the most we played for one night is three times. which is not as bad. huhu. so after the break there will be two more weeks of classes and then final. can't wait for the semester to finish. can't wait to do things i will never ever think of doing. winter break? no plan yet. me >> spontaneous.

Funny or?

This girl i found in the friendster. Would she be representing the general female thought?

STOP!:
* sending me forwarded msg, wasting my time 2 read dat
* sending me "SMILE" it was annoying!!!
* asking my hp no! (this is NOT the way to know new friend okay?!
* asking me can i be ur friend! hey! if not for friend? what for 2 play friendster right?!
* asking my email add! check yourself below!
* asking me 2 add u. if u 1 2 be my friend, y dunt u add me yourself?!
* asking my msn. hmmm.. too much stranger annoying me. if realy 1 2 get my msn, wait til we get closer tro fs msg. i wil try my very best to reply u. but dun think i'v time 2 do so much reply. so if u 1 2 make sure whether i read ur msg, type me some msg in testi, if i approve, sure ur msg hd bn read & i'll do as much reply as i can. thanks!
*attention to those sending me testi: i cherish ur testi 4 sure but plz dont write those testi saying "thank you for your add" im not adding u okie? only apart of my fren, some are not, so if u add me urself, i approve u, not adding u. understand this. thank you!
Who I Want to Meet:
add me:-
if u think u're handsome, pretty, cute, cool, good-hearted, caring, nice looking... THOSE GUY & LES!!! PLZ STAY FAR AWAY FROM ME!!! IM NOT INTERESTED AT ALL. HOW DISGUSTING!!!

Take Me Home

Once a paper talked to me, "take me home, dude!"
dude, you have to take me home
home and where you can do me
do me good for i will give you more
more than if you did not take home
home and where you can look at me
ponder what i am suppose to?
wonder how you can make a full use of me?
gather your thoughts, your friends,
ask them, ask yourself,
can you beat me?
can you show me?
what you really know?
for i will always be beneficial to you.
take your time but don't procrastinate.
take deep breaths but don't sweat.
ask anyone, just anyone.
how can you solve this take home exam?

POST MORTEM as of Nov 2006

It has been about 2 months since classes started, and about 2 months left before the end of semester. As such then now is around the mid-semester. I have been through 1 exam in Semiconductor, 1 exam in COCO and 2 exam in Analog. All the exams were not up to the standard expected and a long due report is expected. Starting with COCO, it is supposed to be an easy subject but without thorough READING of the textbook i failed to grasp the basics. I realized that I have not read the book thoroughly, understanding each concept presented but rather flip through all the pages thinking that oh they are all easy. Guess I was wrong when they discussed the exam in the lecture. All that was asked in the quiz was the basic stuffs that we should all know in order to progress in the course smoothly. My resolve is to read the book again with all the free time i have. The only problem i have is discipline on myself. I tend to waste time doing things i shouldnt do. I spend too much time in front of the monitor looking at things not beneficial to me. So unless i can refrain myself from doing things that waste all my time, I should go out and work! Work not in the case of earning money but to work in terms of studying, revising and reflecting. But too much reflecting and no action does not do anything. I must be strong inside out. Hopefully by writing I have let out the thinking in my mind that deserve to be heard and to be seen.

Analog exam - 1st exam was a disaster. I never really read the textbook. The textbook in fact is very good at explaining materials we covered in class. Little that I know but when i try reading, i am beginning to understand the gist that was explained in the lecture. My 2nd exam was nothing to be proud of. The preparation was better than previous but i think i screw up while doing the test. To imagine that i used more than half an hour just to answer one small part of the section that only worth 5 marks makes me feel dumb. It is obvious that i am not efficient. Next morning after a fine good sleep i realize what i can do when facing with the situation when i am blank and stuck in answering circuit related problem:
1) take a deep breathe
2) open my eyes widely to see if there was any trick in the question
3) look for parts in the circuits which can neglected as an open or short circuit
4) move on first if nothing seems to work
5) the longest time i should spend when in blank state in 5 MIN.
6) now after doing every possible questions go back to the unanswered and repeat step 1)

General Behavior of Girl 1

Girl will always try to hide her feelings.
but i think i can sense the feeling by the way she gaze at me.
at times trying to look at me when i think i did not see.
when i also have have crush on her.

A constant shows of interest on a girl will make her aware of you.
She will then give you chance. but i will never know what is in her mind.

End of Things

Its the end of the month, when i thought that its already the beginning.
I am busy but i feel that i am really make full use of my time.

it is good that i started reading the book thoroughly.
i am beginning to understand the subjects.

it is true that ramadan has passed. i am now beginning to hear whispers of the syaitan.
oh now so i start blaming the syaitan and the deeds that i done only to satisfy me.
however, i am glad that i am still in control of my hunger.
everyday since the start of syawwal still feel like fasting.
but, i am unable to go for the subooh in the masjid.
i woke up, shut the clock up and went back to sleep.
it is really hard to drag yourself out of the bed when its only 5 in the morning.
and plus it is really cold and the only place to be is inside my bed.
someday perhaps i can push myself.
O God, please help me.

Some people now value more privacy as i did.
Lock the door behind so no one can get in. and disturb him.
it is when we need focus that we actually tried.

I have problem with me.
I have problem with her.
I think she likes me. but am unable to confirm.
Would i ask? NO
i know that i am SHY. so does everyone else.
i could never talk properly with girls who have crush on me (i think)
when i am indeed having crush on her.
but let it be that way. i think its better.
so let time decides.

Beautiful

A beautiful reading by a beautiful creation of God.

I Write Sins Not Tragedies

Oh, well imagine; as I'm pacing the pews in a church corridor,
and I can't help but to hear, no I can't help but to hear an exchanging of words.
"What a beautiful wedding!, What a beautiful wedding!" says a bridesmaid to a waiter.
"Ah yes, but what a shame, what a shame, the poor groom's bride is a whore."

I chimed in with a "Haven't you people ever heard of closing the god damn door?!"
No, it's much better to face these kinds of things with a sense of poise and rationality.
I chimed in "Haven't you people ever heard of closing the god damn door?!"
No, it's much better to face these kinds of things with a sense of hope.

Well in fact, well I'll look at it this way, I mean technically our marriage is saved
Well this calls for, a toast so, pour the champagne
Oh! Well in fact, well I'll look at it this way, I mean technically our marriage is saved
Well this calls for a toast, so pour the champagne, pour the champagne.

I chimed in with a "Haven't you people ever heard of closing the god damn door?!"
No, it's much better to face these kinds of things with a sense of poise and rationality.
I chimed in "Haven't you people ever heard of closing the god damn door?!"
No, it's much better to face these kinds of things with a sense of poise and rationality.

Again..

I'd chime in "Haven't you people ever heard of closing the god damn door?!" No.
It's much better to face these kinds of things with a sense of poise and rationality.
I'd chime in "Haven't you people ever heard of closing the god damn door?!"
No, it's much better to face these kinds of things with a sense of poise and rationality.

Again..

PANIC! AT THE DISCO

Blame yourself when something goes wrong?!

Blaming <__>

When something goes wrong I tend to blame others. but after a while I will regret. why not blaming myself. what i did or did not do that somehow has created the problems. but blaming others is the best way to feel good about yourself. you feel relieved instantly. but the feeling was not permanent. when i am alone. i always think about the past. looking back, it was really my fault. i can always think of a way that i would do differently that could avoid the problem. it is me inside i should blame. but blaming oneself too much and too often can lead to depression. so it is good to find the balck sheep/goat or? i am not sure. but blaming oneself and reflect is the best way. not blaming oneself in a way that could demoralize you. turn to God. ask for help and you will find calmness in your heart. so it seems to work for me everytime. rather to keep on thingking about it. i let it go. let it go. forget about it and if somebody brought it up i may not even rememebr. so its gone. down the drain. it is always better to start a new scratch. let God be your guidance in this world and the world hereafter.

Disturbed

Feeling a desire to be lonely. to reflect and think.
with others by my side i feel uneasy. i feel like escaping.
so i locked the door outside. so no one can get in.
i walk. alone and keep quiet. the feeling inside was so heavy.
after a while. nope a night. and a morning. i feel relieved.
i have think it through and reflect.
sometimes we just need to stop and think.
and to think carefully. we need focus.
i have always this feeling when i see him.
i feel uneasy. i think he is not being reall.
but it is just my thought? after a heavy thought.
ihave decide to ignore it. and get along with everyone.
forget the past and move on.
forget the problems and start a new beginning.
when the feeling starts again. i will stop and think.
yesterday was fruitless. slept a lot.
maybe its the rain?

Fascinating Quran

Quran, the book from Allah. Revealed to Prophet Muhammad s.a.w. through angel Gibrael first at the cave of Hira'. Quran like no other book can not be reproduced by anyone to match its superior quality of writing. Quran like no other book contains all the information from the past to the present. Whatever is being told in the Quran can somehow be related to what happen in the present or even the future. Likewise, we should be learning from the history of the past. Just look at the early generation of mankind. How they behave and the consequences of their doings.

Honey I'm Home...

rofl, lol.

Half way through ... almost

When Ramadan came, I am afraid that I wont be having enough time to do things. But Allah has show me the ways. Show me things I never know I can do. Interestingly, one can do so many things without eating during the day. Without lunch, I still find energy within to do cardio. I can squench the thirst. Wait till the time to break the fast. At night, I anticipate the feeling of congregational prayer of Isya and tarawih. Not to forget the exciting feeling of iftar. Sitting together and pray to those who serve the food that day. Food has never been the problem. Eating too much can cause discomfort. While eating moderately will ensure you last the night till midnight. Yet with more time spend towards Allah, I can still finish my assignments on time. Reflecting, it was playing games too much that has been the problem. I feel free without games. I sleep on time, wake on time and feel refresh during the day. My eyes no more become tired during the day. It is now that I will uninstall the games that I have. Amin. Let Allah be always in my heart.

Unwanted

Too many lies in this world.
When girls flirt with the bad guys.
Yet they marry the good guys.

A Man cried over a Man

AOnce, a man came to Rasulallah crying.
"Why do you cry, my friend."
"I love you ya Rasulallah. Yet everyday I could not escape the feeling that you will go one day. You will be at the side of Allah, with all the pious and I, ya Rasulallah, may not be able to see you again."
"Do your best, my friend, in this world and for the hereafter. May God place you along at His side."

Anonymous

Whatever I type, I wont give any specifics.
Since I have no plan whatsoever to reveal my identity.
Let alone anyone who knows me is to read any of this entry.
Let me be free in writing. Without hope to lose anynomity.
Then this is the best part of writing a blog.
I can choose to hide my identity.
To let everything be a mystery.
For an internity if i could.
So nothing could escape.
Unwantedly.
From me.
End.

Missed it again

I missed it again this morning. though I prayed not to miss it ever.
Yet it was me all along.

I regret. again, this morning.
Could I blame the drug i took last night?

God, please, forgives me!
A man who always makes mistakes.

Root of Injustice

When you cannot restraint anger within yourself. You are invoking injustice be done to things around you. Be it you friends, family or even the environment. So let your anger flows, to places inside you. by remembering God the almighty. He who sees whatever happens. He who knows everything. He who makes things happen.

So have faith in Him. Let Him be in your thoughts always.

I LOVE HER ><

I have a crush. a crush so big. it has been years.
but i have kept it well inside me.
now it is time to go public. yes. on a blog.

It was a love at first sight. Her looks I always remember.
I have kept in touch with her. but my feeling was never realize.
I like her. I dont want her to move away if I tell.
so i keep quiet about it.
let God decides. please. God, help me.

A bit high

I am on drug.
I just drank NyQuil.
It's really strong. but i am guaranteeed to enjoy a good night sleep tonight.

I have been drinking this when im feeling unwell.
A little of flu, would make me drink this.
I trust it. and I trust God.

It takes only a few minutes for me to get high.
I will sleepy. and I cannot think straight.
Yet I can still type whot is on my mind.

It is cold tonight outside. but it is warm inside.
I am sure that it will be tough to get up tomorrow morning.
Class at ten. and it will be a lab or a studio (as they prefer it to be called)
Last week's studio was a disaster. I know nothing. My friends know nothing. and the TA was useless. I just let it go. I hope that they will let it go as well. Please. God, help me.

The Town

WOWO
Where am I?
A little bit far from the capital. 30 mins drive actually but then it is a very small town. Without the schools, this place will be a retiree town. Full of old people. Luckily, they reproduce and they have kids.
Here, is quiet. Just what I want. Quiet. Quite surprising at first actually. Not what I imagined way back home, then.

Now this is a technique I learnt, some time ago.
Also, this is nothing recent.
Yet no one has seen it before.
So this is the premiere.
You should be proud.
....
I will.

Who am I

I am a male. in early twenties. in a foreign country.
I am a student. doing dual. maintaining CGPA.
I am a muslim. believe in Allah. practise the teachings.

I am peace. no trouble. no kiling. no wars.
I am normal. go with the flow. where others go.
I am rationale. no radical ideas. just living by.

I like food. I eat.
I like quiet. I shut up.
I like privacy. I lock my doors.

I hate smells. I avoid.
I hate socialize. I stay.
I hate to continue. I stop.

Love the world

atheists - they dont believe in any god.
but those who believe, mostly believe in life after death.
they believe that life in this world in just a transit.
yet they tried so hard.
so when you are in transit in any place.
do u try ur best?
damn YES.
but do we really love the world?
NO.
we know it is just a transit.
so we do our best.
but not in a way that would save the world.
we say, we dont live for hundreds of years.
so let the world destroy after that.
we only care for the world we live.
so we do things. things that would destroy the world one day.
one day long after our death.
so who cares.

People write, so I write?

Have u ever wondered why people write?
Too many answer to that question.
Yet I will tell u why i write.
because i have time.
i can make time for this.
why not? since its eearly in the morning.
yet i have lots to do.
yet i wanna write.
so the answer to first question is because people want to write.
its not because they have too much time.
or have nothing to do.
if i have nothing to do, i can do other things.
such as walk, listen, watch, jump or anything else than writing.
but today as of now i choose to write.
suddenly a thought come.
is write even the correct word.
isnt this what you call blogging.
writing whats on your mind.
so if I am not writing or typing whats on my mind, isnt it not called blogging.
now i am confused.
so i stop.
and here is my first entry. tada!