10 Muharam

Tomorrow is 10 Muharam, the tenth day in Islamic calendar. It is the day of remembrance for prophet Musa having been saved by Allah with his followers from the evil of Pharaoh. It is encouraged to fast on this day as well as the day before. I am trying to fast so I hope it will go through.

So today is almost two weeks after classes started. I have projects in design class and fortran, as well as labs in ep lab. Those three things are enough to keep me busy. The design class is going very very slowly as for me, since I have done little about the design class.

Topics I think I should be researching: Properties of an aluminum sheet metal.
1) force, stress, tension
2) inductance
3) dent

A trip to Hilo

Arrived at Hilo on Saturday morning at around 7 and it was raining. In fact, it was the rainy season during my stay and it was during the winter break, so it was about 5 jan in 2007. The airport is a small one and it really looks like a rural kind of airport with wooden walls and floor. It was open and there was no airconditioned once we step out of the bridge from the airplane. Instuitively, I rent a car so that we can see the whole island in the fastest and keisurely possible. We stayed for 3 days and it was raining everyday. Luckily when we arrived at one point the rain just stopped and the sun shows itself. We maanaged to find the south most point of the US and looking at the sea, the wind was blowing ferociously. A few minutes standing at the shore, we were greeted with a heavy flow of rain blowing towards the lands. Our hope of finding the black plus green sand beach shattered through the glass of the rain drops. We also found out that Mauna Kea in the big island of Hawaii is the tallest mountain as measured from the bottom of the sea.

A waiter in restaurant

I was once a waiter working in a Turkish restaurant. It was not really a difficult job and the pay was satisfactory. I remembered taking orders from customers, and there were sometimes customers who ordered something not in the menu and often times I was annoyed. Why wouldn't everyone just order something that IS on the menu? Why would anyone make my life miserable? Why? Why? I was a customer and always be a customer in some restaurant and sometimes I would just do the same. Sometimes, my experience stop me from ordering something different from the menu. I would rather spend more time studying the menu rather than asking the waiter or ask the waiter to put more of that, less of this, without that thing or ordering something out of the menu. I once ordered a plain fried egg when it is not really in the menu. I felt guilty sometimes but it was way back when I had not been a waiter. Indeed being a waiter has taught me some important lesson in life. I quited the job because I was bored. I am easily bored. Imagine having to do the same thing each time you come to work. I am not that kind of a person. I just could not stand it. Especially when I am also a student studying to get a degree. It was not really easy to be a student when you really want to excel in your studies. Nevertheless, I feel like working again since I need some money. I am now surveying some position working in the campus.

Gambling

In a casino I saw a lot of elders playing the gambling machine hoping to get their luck strike thus obtaining a lot of money. However, the rule of gambling will not let you win that easily. The probability of winning the biggest jackpot is very close to zero. Rich people know about this thus making it a competition to build the grandest hotel with lots of casino slot machines hence making them rich and richer everyday. The majority of those playing the casino machines tend to bet on everything on every choice possible. Intuitively, they will win some, more frequent than those who bet little on few choices. Nevertheless, they always end up losing more than than what they are winning. In the end they have nothing and often go home with less than they bring in. So I think we can guess where the money goes; to people like Mr Trump.

Friendster

Some things are meant to be done in private when no one is looking. For me friendster is something I am reluctant to share with anyone. I will only access my friendster account when no one is with me or looking what I am doing. On very occasional basis will I only reveal my friendster activity to others.

Booking a Hotel

I have learned that booking a hotel is best done online rather than on-site or by phone .. unless you really no know how talk and get a good bargain. Unfortunately, being not so sweet a talker I was unable to get the best price when booking a hotel room by phone. The price was higher than those offered online. Some good website to book hotels are:

hotels.com
hotwire.com
or just do a google search.

The fact is that hotels know that when they are using online services to promote their rooms, they must put the best price possible since they know that other hotels are doing the same. Smart travelers will always do research to see which hotels are offering the best price. Booking by phone is in fact a great opportunity for the hotels to give higher price since the people who is answering the customer will want a greater commission through the booking. In conclusion, next time I will always use the net to find the best bargain when traveling!

End of 2006

As with any other people who writes blog, or diary or anything, I will put a conclusion to the year of 2006. It seems that 2006 is pretty different for me. I have started writing to YOU in this year of 2006, beginning to feel extremely lazy at the end of this year 2006.
Have I grown matured over this year.
My my my oh my. I have only one semester to go as of today, which is spring 2007.
So what is the plan ? ? ?
The year will start with me going to Hawaii. What better way to start a new year than to explore a totally different place. I will go on my own, well theoretically since my partner will always be agreeing to whatever things I do. It is a good practice in a sense, since I will have to do a lot of planning. Every plan must have a backup plan, well at least one backup. The worst thing could happen is that we will not be able to rent a car. Which, will leave us to the second option of exploring the islands by bus, which I think will not be as efficient as renting a car. So no matter what we will do what ever possible thing to do in order to secure a car. Although renting a car could be quite costly since, I nor my partner is above 25. Meaning that we will be charged with underage fees which could be about $25 a day. That's about $150 extra for 6 days! I hope it will be worth it..
So what about the semester? I don't think I will be repeating any subject since my desire to work hard has decreased tremendously. I am planning to focus and really give my 100% on my design project in order to secure an A. I really hope God will always guide my heart and my mind to achieve my expectation for this coming semester.
Love life? No love. I mean no relationship. I dream of a miracle. but it will not happen without work. without hope my life would be hopeless. without love my life would be lifeless. so then i will spend some quality time with friends in order to compensate my love life. but my friends are becoming more and more burden to me. so i need to look further, find new faces, speak with different people and be open to the whole world. then i really need to have a good sleep.
So with people always in my room, looking at what i am doing, it is really hard to live my secret utopian life. Little they know about me and less i will share with them. When I tell somebody a secret, it will not be a secret because that somebody will need to share that secret with somebody else, so it is kind of chain-reaction. So my conclusion is to keep everything to myself and share it by mean of writing this blog. This blog is so secret that no one that i know will be reading this, I hope and God forbids any of my friend or anyone i know will be reading this blog.

Failures

I failed again this time.
B B - for my core COCO and EPOW
A - for my arts
?? - i hope it is not less than B for analog.

whatever things making me down again
making me down under
i feel like quitting studying

Resolute Numbness

I am not a native speaker of english nor am i very fluent in it. it has been more than three years coming to the united states and i still find myself struggling to speak in english. i feel that i am wasted yet i still have like another 6 months or so to finally improve my communication skills as this would be my last chance in the united states. so i feel numb. today right here right now i will outlines somethings that has been running through my head:
1) i really really need A's for this semester. i wish i could just be sure about this but i am not. i feel like i have to try so hard to get the glimpse of As. Last night it looks easy to get an A but i still hope nothing screw up
2) i feel like i have no absolute commitment in anything. therefore i will try not to engage in any sort of of elationship.
3) i am fickle. i have no absolute idea what i will do let say in the next few hours. let alone planning a gigantic trip to hawaii. what i plan will change. what i am doing will not last. i will just say that i am spontaneous.
4) i dont feel like seeing people right now. so i lock my doors and shut down the messenger so nobody can communicate with me. i just need this time alone.
5) i think i am through with her. here is what i think about her:
>> she has no interest in me
>> she is a big spender
>> she is too self centered, always think she is cute and all that
>> she got another guy hanging on to her arms
>> she looks strange, she dress strangely beautiful
>> she is too stunning and outgoing
>> i dont really know her
>> she dont really no me
>> she dont care about me
>> she never wish me anything
>> she is uninterested
so i think i will just stop hoping for the miracle and let her go. let she go wherever she wants. i dont care. i mean really who cares. i am cute and attractive. why would i need her. btw, she has a boyfriend that looks like girlfriend. how disgusting looking at them both together. so i will not bother. let she smiles, yet her smiles are so sweet. so let she smiles. thinking just another thing about herself. i am done. bye bye

Last Day of Fall 06

Today as the title is the last day of fall 2006. that mean that i have only one semester to go. for i am always intrigued with how fast something happens when it has actually finished while during the beginning of the semester it feels really slow. so is this the relativity of time by einstein on how we look at time can actually effect on how the time itself is perceived by us human being. i am glad though that it has finished for i have always been waiting for this. one class that i am not satisfied is analog. for it has to many things covered and i am actually dumbfounded on how to tackle this subject.

Finale

Season finale is just around the corner waiting for me to step into the dark facing wrath of the insane. making look like an insane myself so that people will look at me with eyes that bulges that they look like they are going to fall off from the head making me and you sick of looking the disgusting sight. Ok, so actually what i am going to say is that my finals is just a week away and i am not sure whether i am ready or not. for i have been studying and i have been getting tired of studying so sometimes i didnt study so sometimes i play games so sometimes i turn to friendster looking at people that i didnt know just trying to find the perfect match for me. so sometimes i daydream wandering around or looking at flight tickets craving for a crazy escape from this crazy world of mine. actually is not crazy at all. it is just that i am tired and soggy from the materials that we covered in classes and lectures. looking at my lecturers make me feel like vomiting since i hardly could ever understand their true intentions of teaching. often halfway down the class i would fall asleep or thinking about something else. but really i should not be thinking like this since finals is just next week. so what should be the big deal about the finals? well, they really will determine my grades. It is either i do well to score or do badly to fail. i have to choose and i have about one week to prepare. so please wish me luck, pray for my success and hopefully God will help me for He always help me in doing things. btw, i bought a ticket to honolulu but i didnt even prepare any plan for the week stay in hawaii. will i be making fool out of myself?

ThanksGiving 2006

well at least, maybe this is the first time i really appreciate the break. i spent the morning yesterday studying?! and some part tonight studying again?! am i not enjoying my thanksgiving? indeed. i am really grateful (to God) for having this holiday, or break from the lectures, lab and such. yup i need time to catch up. and yes, lecturers are kind enough to help. they gave me assignments and exams to prepare for. but hell yeah i did spent some quality time this short break. got to play for the indoor soccer tournament and hell yeah we qualified for the playoff. its five teams. so only one team did not get to be in the playoff this coming sunday. this morning also we went for the black friday sale. went to target to buy the 400gb hardisk at $150 but alas we came a bit too late. but however, my friends bought 4 lcd each 20" for $170 which is a grreat bargain. i mean if you want to sale it. you can get for almost double the price. right now right here in my room i am writing this blog i am listening to "summer jam remix". i can't get you off my mind. yes HER. hahaha. i dont even know her. yet i like her. am i such a loser. well not in DOTA anyway. remember the time when seniors were here with us, spent like crazy hours playing that dota. thank God there are no more. the most we played for one night is three times. which is not as bad. huhu. so after the break there will be two more weeks of classes and then final. can't wait for the semester to finish. can't wait to do things i will never ever think of doing. winter break? no plan yet. me >> spontaneous.

Funny or?

This girl i found in the friendster. Would she be representing the general female thought?

STOP!:
* sending me forwarded msg, wasting my time 2 read dat
* sending me "SMILE" it was annoying!!!
* asking my hp no! (this is NOT the way to know new friend okay?!
* asking me can i be ur friend! hey! if not for friend? what for 2 play friendster right?!
* asking my email add! check yourself below!
* asking me 2 add u. if u 1 2 be my friend, y dunt u add me yourself?!
* asking my msn. hmmm.. too much stranger annoying me. if realy 1 2 get my msn, wait til we get closer tro fs msg. i wil try my very best to reply u. but dun think i'v time 2 do so much reply. so if u 1 2 make sure whether i read ur msg, type me some msg in testi, if i approve, sure ur msg hd bn read & i'll do as much reply as i can. thanks!
*attention to those sending me testi: i cherish ur testi 4 sure but plz dont write those testi saying "thank you for your add" im not adding u okie? only apart of my fren, some are not, so if u add me urself, i approve u, not adding u. understand this. thank you!
Who I Want to Meet:
add me:-
if u think u're handsome, pretty, cute, cool, good-hearted, caring, nice looking... THOSE GUY & LES!!! PLZ STAY FAR AWAY FROM ME!!! IM NOT INTERESTED AT ALL. HOW DISGUSTING!!!

Take Me Home

Once a paper talked to me, "take me home, dude!"
dude, you have to take me home
home and where you can do me
do me good for i will give you more
more than if you did not take home
home and where you can look at me
ponder what i am suppose to?
wonder how you can make a full use of me?
gather your thoughts, your friends,
ask them, ask yourself,
can you beat me?
can you show me?
what you really know?
for i will always be beneficial to you.
take your time but don't procrastinate.
take deep breaths but don't sweat.
ask anyone, just anyone.
how can you solve this take home exam?

POST MORTEM as of Nov 2006

It has been about 2 months since classes started, and about 2 months left before the end of semester. As such then now is around the mid-semester. I have been through 1 exam in Semiconductor, 1 exam in COCO and 2 exam in Analog. All the exams were not up to the standard expected and a long due report is expected. Starting with COCO, it is supposed to be an easy subject but without thorough READING of the textbook i failed to grasp the basics. I realized that I have not read the book thoroughly, understanding each concept presented but rather flip through all the pages thinking that oh they are all easy. Guess I was wrong when they discussed the exam in the lecture. All that was asked in the quiz was the basic stuffs that we should all know in order to progress in the course smoothly. My resolve is to read the book again with all the free time i have. The only problem i have is discipline on myself. I tend to waste time doing things i shouldnt do. I spend too much time in front of the monitor looking at things not beneficial to me. So unless i can refrain myself from doing things that waste all my time, I should go out and work! Work not in the case of earning money but to work in terms of studying, revising and reflecting. But too much reflecting and no action does not do anything. I must be strong inside out. Hopefully by writing I have let out the thinking in my mind that deserve to be heard and to be seen.

Analog exam - 1st exam was a disaster. I never really read the textbook. The textbook in fact is very good at explaining materials we covered in class. Little that I know but when i try reading, i am beginning to understand the gist that was explained in the lecture. My 2nd exam was nothing to be proud of. The preparation was better than previous but i think i screw up while doing the test. To imagine that i used more than half an hour just to answer one small part of the section that only worth 5 marks makes me feel dumb. It is obvious that i am not efficient. Next morning after a fine good sleep i realize what i can do when facing with the situation when i am blank and stuck in answering circuit related problem:
1) take a deep breathe
2) open my eyes widely to see if there was any trick in the question
3) look for parts in the circuits which can neglected as an open or short circuit
4) move on first if nothing seems to work
5) the longest time i should spend when in blank state in 5 MIN.
6) now after doing every possible questions go back to the unanswered and repeat step 1)

General Behavior of Girl 1

Girl will always try to hide her feelings.
but i think i can sense the feeling by the way she gaze at me.
at times trying to look at me when i think i did not see.
when i also have have crush on her.

A constant shows of interest on a girl will make her aware of you.
She will then give you chance. but i will never know what is in her mind.

End of Things

Its the end of the month, when i thought that its already the beginning.
I am busy but i feel that i am really make full use of my time.

it is good that i started reading the book thoroughly.
i am beginning to understand the subjects.

it is true that ramadan has passed. i am now beginning to hear whispers of the syaitan.
oh now so i start blaming the syaitan and the deeds that i done only to satisfy me.
however, i am glad that i am still in control of my hunger.
everyday since the start of syawwal still feel like fasting.
but, i am unable to go for the subooh in the masjid.
i woke up, shut the clock up and went back to sleep.
it is really hard to drag yourself out of the bed when its only 5 in the morning.
and plus it is really cold and the only place to be is inside my bed.
someday perhaps i can push myself.
O God, please help me.

Some people now value more privacy as i did.
Lock the door behind so no one can get in. and disturb him.
it is when we need focus that we actually tried.

I have problem with me.
I have problem with her.
I think she likes me. but am unable to confirm.
Would i ask? NO
i know that i am SHY. so does everyone else.
i could never talk properly with girls who have crush on me (i think)
when i am indeed having crush on her.
but let it be that way. i think its better.
so let time decides.

Beautiful

A beautiful reading by a beautiful creation of God.

I Write Sins Not Tragedies

Oh, well imagine; as I'm pacing the pews in a church corridor,
and I can't help but to hear, no I can't help but to hear an exchanging of words.
"What a beautiful wedding!, What a beautiful wedding!" says a bridesmaid to a waiter.
"Ah yes, but what a shame, what a shame, the poor groom's bride is a whore."

I chimed in with a "Haven't you people ever heard of closing the god damn door?!"
No, it's much better to face these kinds of things with a sense of poise and rationality.
I chimed in "Haven't you people ever heard of closing the god damn door?!"
No, it's much better to face these kinds of things with a sense of hope.

Well in fact, well I'll look at it this way, I mean technically our marriage is saved
Well this calls for, a toast so, pour the champagne
Oh! Well in fact, well I'll look at it this way, I mean technically our marriage is saved
Well this calls for a toast, so pour the champagne, pour the champagne.

I chimed in with a "Haven't you people ever heard of closing the god damn door?!"
No, it's much better to face these kinds of things with a sense of poise and rationality.
I chimed in "Haven't you people ever heard of closing the god damn door?!"
No, it's much better to face these kinds of things with a sense of poise and rationality.

Again..

I'd chime in "Haven't you people ever heard of closing the god damn door?!" No.
It's much better to face these kinds of things with a sense of poise and rationality.
I'd chime in "Haven't you people ever heard of closing the god damn door?!"
No, it's much better to face these kinds of things with a sense of poise and rationality.

Again..

PANIC! AT THE DISCO

Blame yourself when something goes wrong?!