Ah she made contact

Yesterday she let herself out by saying why I was so quiet.

So i had to reply. I am not that cruel.

We'll see if i wanna call her tonight.

I dont wanna be so cold to her.

So i have decided. Why shouldnt we be friend. I'll be her friends. Nothing more.

I'll continue searching. In the meantime, I'll be hanging out with her from time to time.

Just like any normal friends do.

The closure

During my confession the Sunday before this, I did tell her about wanting to marry her and if she is not ready I am ready to move on and find other girls. She did say that she is not ready since she could not get her ex-boyfriend out of her mind and she will marry with those who will give her the same feeling she once had with her ex, implying that I am not giving her the same vibes thus unsuited to marry her. I kept my cool and suggest a sunset dinner together with her twin the next day.

Monday came and she was quiet so I called her asking about the sunset plan which she appeared to have forgotten, told me that she would confirm with her sister. Later she texted that her sister has some other plans tonight so we can't go out. Well ok, I went sleeping until the sunset and later she called asking me to join them for dinner some place nearby.

Nothing spectacular at the dinner, the three of us ate some malay dishes and separate the bills. Her sister insisted that we go for coffee so we went to Ben's at Publika and later the same sister insisted that we go for massage and thus we went to Kota Damansara. During the late hangout she inquired about the trekking that I've been doing during the past mornings (which I told the about) and asked them to join me tomorrow.

Tuesday came and late afternoon the three of us went on hiking and later dinner with some Korean soups. It was during these times that I started to shift attention more towards her sister and not really focusing on her. Well, I sort of being nonchalant about it.

Oh, during the late hangout on Monday, I took a picture of us acting out as if I was spooning her some foods. The pictures went on viral on the facebook with comments wanting to know if we were actually couple which later she denied on Tuesday night. We are just friends.

Later on Wednesday night, around 11, I called her which she never picked up, later not returning the call until today. So this is an opportunity for me to disappear from her. I will not call her until she make contact with me.

I know I have failed before but this would be the time to check and balance. I would not want to be the one who always call first. Let her do it this time around if she want it. If not then it is time for me to move on.

I wish not wasting anymore time in looking for the one and only wife of mine!

Perhaps this is the opportunity to let go. I shall not feel guilty not calling her because I did call her and she did not picked up nor return my call.

The feeling she is longing to have

So yesterday 10 2 2013, i picked her up at KLCC and bring her to BSC because klcc was so packed with people of all backgrounds. I was thinking of eating lunch at Dancing Fish but it was closed at 3. Later I know that it did serve lunch but until 2.30 and will open again around 6 for dinner. So we went to Ben's. I managed to share some knowledge about dajjal and last hours. It was a fruitful share of knowledge which I was longing to share for quite some time. She told me about jarif how she had to turned him down because she is not ready to forget her last boyfriend implying to me the same thing. But i kept my cool and said that i am willing to forget her past if i were to marry her. I told her about my resolution this year that i wanna get married no matter what, with her or someone else, but eventually i will try to find a good wife somehow. It was then I managed to dig deeper into her past, her first love with her boss and how he gave her house to keep her as mistress but she managed to get away but yet receiving the house because it was registered under her name. Well she said she deserved the house because of his actions to her.Her last bf which she cant seem to get him of her mind and dreams stayed in her compound which she sees from time to time and thus the wound continue to bleed. They stayed for around 7 months until one day he changed his behavior and disappeared. He refused her call and she can't find him anywhere. She was heart broken but she still cherished the good sweet moments they had together. She love him. And she need someone to tell her NO when eventually that guy came back and ask her out again. She said she wants that feeling she once had when she were with him.

Making an ass of myself

I feel stupid today. I spoke to her yesterday and said to have dinner tonight. She said she will have to confirm today. So today I sent her whatsapp messages saying that I will fetch her around 8. She never replied but I saw the double ticks at whatsapp and her last seen is after my messages so i assumed when she was silence then she agreed to whatever I proposed.

So I arrived at her place at the promised time (well, the time that I proposed but she never replied) and called her, which she didn't answer. I sent her another whatsapp message saying that I have arrived! Waited for few minutes then she called. She was surprised! Saying that we never made any promised to go out. She said she did not read my messages. (but she read the ones saying that arrived? ^^) She was with jarif and her twin at Istana Bambu. Asked me to join them, but deep inside I was feeling stupid thus I rejected her offer. So I went back home, sad but then decided to visit my love of all times, Allah the sole creator and lord of mankind and everything He wishes to create. The emptiness was lifted and I felt that maybe E.Y. is not really for me.

On another note, she has been spending too much time (as compared with me) with jarif. Should I be wasting my time? Should I keep assuming that she has feeling for me?

Assuming as I learnt today is making an ass out of myself. I should be certain rather than assuming. I should ask and hear it myself. I could no longer rely on technology. I could no longer assume that my emails, my sms or my messages arrived and read by my intended recipients.

So I need to ask her clearly whether she is playing with me, giving me hopes and I guess when she posted pictures of me and her online, she is just trying to make jarif jealous? Well, again, this is yet another assumption! I need to a serious confirmation from her. I have set a KPI to get married this year so if I am wasting my time with her then I risk not achieving my target!

I need a closure!