In reality, nothing is safe. Driving a car to work may result in traffic accident. Walking down the street may result in being mobbed or hit by a vehicle. Eating may result in indigestion or stomachache. Jumping my cause the ankle to strain. Shouting may cause the voice to disappear. All things may lead to some sort of negative result if not being done properly or in a control manner. However, being a rational a person may always be, the above incident may not happen always, maybe sometimes.
The more dangerous actions or things are perceived as, the more careful the handling will be done. We are less careful when doing something that we do everyday like walking down the street. Sometimes we are too carefree that we do not look left and right when crossing the road. Oftentimes, we do not look down while walking assuming the roads are all even when in reality there could be a manhole being left open or nail sticking out waiting to pierce through our feet. Or driving a car, when are too used to it, we do not even wear the seatbelt. However we are more careful when doing things that we perceived as dangerous or risky such as bungee jumping. We want to make sure that the harness are tight and people who are maintaining the equipments are there to check on the equipments that you are wearing. Sometimes we insist that our equipments are being check twice or more times.
We are all well aware that nuclear bomb is dangerous, catastrophic. It can wipe out the whole city, Nagasaki and Hiroshima. Nuclear power plant can be dangerous, like Chernobyl, it turned an industrial city in Soviet Union to become a dead city with no activity that light up the city. We have heard about the latest incident in Japan, when the tsunami and the great earthquake hit Japan on the memorable Friday noon of 11-3-2011. Today we are looking at the catastrophic events relating the nuclear power plants of Fukushima Daichi. It was design for 6.3 Richter earthquake, yet all safety features managed to halt the reaction when the 9.0 Richter earthquake started to tremble the city of Sendai. It was supposed to be a smooth shutdown of the nuclear power plant had it not been for the unpredictable tsunami. The cooling system failed when the 13 feet tsunami wipe out all backup power source, be it the diesel generator, mobile generator, the power grid and the batteries. Due to the failure of the cooling system, the reactor overheated, even though the nuclear reaction has been stopped or at least left to the bare minimum. The reactor continue to heat and causes steam built-up inside the reactor. The super hot steam coupled with unknown reaction (to me) produces hydrogen, lots of hydrogen which can explode easily. The reactor building exploded due to the hydrogen built-up.
The four units are all affected due to overheating. The explosions coupled with tsunami impact and continual tremor of the earthquake, caused cracks in the containment of the radioactive material which resulted in radioactive leakage. A radius of 20km affecting more than 200,000 people were being evacuated. It is horrendous and heart touching.
The risk of having a nuclear power plant is so great that the design is improving with safety as the main priority. The accident in Fukushima will initiate more robustness in the design. Therefore we can expect the nuclear plant in the future to be stronger, much stronger, able to withhold all knowns hazards, be it fire, fire crashing, etc. Of course, the cost of building it will be higher, but safety is not something we can take for granted.
- tamaulipas
- Clearly my name is not Tamaulipas. Tamaulipas is one of the 31 states of Mexico and is located in the northeast. In Malay language, it can literally means 'do not want cockroach'. Basically, I am rambling about things on my mind.
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Sunday, March 13, 2011
Energy Security: The importance of strategic Mix with NUCLEAR
Energy security is:
From the demand side i.e. the consumers: to have energy/electricity at all time. they demand that whenever they switch on the plug, electricity will flow.
From the supply side: to be able to supply electricity at all time to all consumers.
How?
In order to be able to supply electricity, fuel is needed to generate electricity.
Gas/Coal/Oil/Biofuel is burnt to boil water then to produce steam that moves the turbines. The moving turbine will produce electricity through electromagnetic conversion. Think of dynamo, dynamo can be found usually in bike with lamp. You will cycle the wheel, the bike will move while moving the rotor in dynamo which will produce electricity to light up the lamp.
Similarly, wind turbine need wind to move the turbine that produces electricity, while hydro need water to move the turbine.
In a nuclear power plant, the nuclear reaction will produce heat that will boil the water to produce steam which will then move the turbine.
In a nutshell, many sources of electricity uses turbine to generate electricity.
It is different with solar power panel, which need the sunlight to initiate reaction within the semiconductor that will produce electricity without the need of turbine.
However, let's move back to the main topic. ENERGY SECURITY.
In general, you need something to produce electricity. You cannot rely on just one source of electricity generation. What if that one source of electricity is not available?
Most fuels need to be replenish at once when there are burnt. Coal needed to be supplied constantly in order for the power plant to continue producing electricity. Similarly, gas, oil, biofuels, water, wind and sunshine need to be available at all time if you want to produce electricity at all time. But we know that would not happen at all time. Sun will not shine at night or when it is raining or when it is cloudy. Wind will not blow at all time. Gas would not available if there is problem at gas terminal or at the gas pipelines. Coal will not be available if there problems at the mines or if the ship that delivers coal does not arrive. Oil cannot be delivered without using road tankers or ship tankers.
What about nuclear power plant? The fuel that it uses can last for 18 to 24 months without replenishment. Thus, once you put the fuel in day 1, you can be rest assured that power/electricity will continue to be generated for 18 months or until day 540 or longer depending on the design.
This is energy security! with nuclear as part of the energy mix!
Trust me, that gas/coal/oil that we have today are subjected to constant supply, without which, there will not be constant supply of electricity.
From the demand side i.e. the consumers: to have energy/electricity at all time. they demand that whenever they switch on the plug, electricity will flow.
From the supply side: to be able to supply electricity at all time to all consumers.
How?
In order to be able to supply electricity, fuel is needed to generate electricity.
Gas/Coal/Oil/Biofuel is burnt to boil water then to produce steam that moves the turbines. The moving turbine will produce electricity through electromagnetic conversion. Think of dynamo, dynamo can be found usually in bike with lamp. You will cycle the wheel, the bike will move while moving the rotor in dynamo which will produce electricity to light up the lamp.
Similarly, wind turbine need wind to move the turbine that produces electricity, while hydro need water to move the turbine.
In a nuclear power plant, the nuclear reaction will produce heat that will boil the water to produce steam which will then move the turbine.
In a nutshell, many sources of electricity uses turbine to generate electricity.
It is different with solar power panel, which need the sunlight to initiate reaction within the semiconductor that will produce electricity without the need of turbine.
However, let's move back to the main topic. ENERGY SECURITY.
In general, you need something to produce electricity. You cannot rely on just one source of electricity generation. What if that one source of electricity is not available?
Most fuels need to be replenish at once when there are burnt. Coal needed to be supplied constantly in order for the power plant to continue producing electricity. Similarly, gas, oil, biofuels, water, wind and sunshine need to be available at all time if you want to produce electricity at all time. But we know that would not happen at all time. Sun will not shine at night or when it is raining or when it is cloudy. Wind will not blow at all time. Gas would not available if there is problem at gas terminal or at the gas pipelines. Coal will not be available if there problems at the mines or if the ship that delivers coal does not arrive. Oil cannot be delivered without using road tankers or ship tankers.
What about nuclear power plant? The fuel that it uses can last for 18 to 24 months without replenishment. Thus, once you put the fuel in day 1, you can be rest assured that power/electricity will continue to be generated for 18 months or until day 540 or longer depending on the design.
This is energy security! with nuclear as part of the energy mix!
Trust me, that gas/coal/oil that we have today are subjected to constant supply, without which, there will not be constant supply of electricity.
Saturday, March 12, 2011
Japan Quake Aftermath : Nuclear Tragedy?
This is the biggest ever earthquake ever happened in Japan.
Unpredictable.
There is no way the design of nuclear power plants can cater for something beyond probability. It is a sign from God through nature that we will be looking at something even bigger, even worse and beyond our predictions.
Why the world is worry about nuclear plants rather than other plants generating electricity? Why the focus on the nuclear power plant? Simply because any defect in the nuclear safety design can lead to disaster through radioactivity.
The nuclear plant will not explode like a nuclear bomb. Period. The explosions that happen are due to immerse pressure through heat and air inside the containment. The explosions are small in nature, similar to pops of balloons.
The nuclear plant will not explode like a nuclear bomb. Period. The fuel inside the nuclear plants are not concentrated enough to produce bomb-like explosions. The worst that can happen through the fuel is being too hot and melt which may cause leakage to the containment building.
The world are looking. Nuclear committee please do something to contain the radioactivity. Or else the nuclear renaissance will come to complete halt.
Unpredictable.
There is no way the design of nuclear power plants can cater for something beyond probability. It is a sign from God through nature that we will be looking at something even bigger, even worse and beyond our predictions.
Why the world is worry about nuclear plants rather than other plants generating electricity? Why the focus on the nuclear power plant? Simply because any defect in the nuclear safety design can lead to disaster through radioactivity.
The nuclear plant will not explode like a nuclear bomb. Period. The explosions that happen are due to immerse pressure through heat and air inside the containment. The explosions are small in nature, similar to pops of balloons.
The nuclear plant will not explode like a nuclear bomb. Period. The fuel inside the nuclear plants are not concentrated enough to produce bomb-like explosions. The worst that can happen through the fuel is being too hot and melt which may cause leakage to the containment building.
The world are looking. Nuclear committee please do something to contain the radioactivity. Or else the nuclear renaissance will come to complete halt.
Friday, March 11, 2011
The body clock and Dreams
I have noticed with the greatest interest that I would wake up exactly 6 hours after I laid asleep. However, I will often go back to sleep until my alarm sing. Last night I went to bed at around ten and woke up around four in the morning just to realize that it was only four and I did not feel like getting up, but it was cold last night thus I switched off the fan and looked for my blanket which was lying at the side of the bed on the floor. Later, I would wake up when my phone started singing. It was a typical night just like any other night, where I would be waking up exactly 6 hours after I felt asleep and went back to sleep again. I remember if I went to sleep around 3 am in the morning, I would wake up exactly after 6 hours i.e. at nine in the morning, no matter what happen or how loud my phone is singing. The only time I would be able to wake up if only and only if someone else would wake me up like my father or my mom or whoever else.
the night before last night, I had the most wonderful dream of bringing NJZ to see my family and I was happy holding her while walking her down the aisle. =DD
the night before last night, I had the most wonderful dream of bringing NJZ to see my family and I was happy holding her while walking her down the aisle. =DD
Friday, March 04, 2011
forte 2.0 so far
i have been driving my forte 2.0 since July 2010. The ride has been smooth with insignificant complaints. the pickup is good since it is a 2000cc car, fast to accelerate and able to move around quickly without having to press hard on the gas pedal. the fuel consumption may be on the higher side. On highway it can go at around 8.5 liter per 100km and at full city driving it can go up to 11 liter per 100km. usually, at any normal days, i would fill up my car to its fullest capacity, usually at around 45 liters, this 45 liters of fuel can usually go for as far as 400-500 km depending on the driving style and traffic condition. usually for my commute going to and from work and somewhere in the city, the full tank of 45 liters usually go to around 400km. but my driving style is bad for fuel economy, as i like to press hard on the gas pedal, to feel the exhilaration of driving the forte.
sometimes when travelling down on uneven road, i can hear the annoying rattle sound coming somewhere from the seat belt hook of the passenger and sometimes, from the driver side. it can go unnoticeable but the big ear of mine can sense those annoying rattle sound.
usually, after driving, after switching off the engine, i can hear cranking sound, like metal compressing, coming from the engine, people in the forums say that it is ok and nothing to worry about. but still, it is annoying to hear sounds coming from the car.
sound proofing is so so. not so good and it gets rather noisy when it is raining heavily and going over uneven road. but the engine is quiet. when cruising on the road, normally you would not be able to sense the engine but the friction between the roads and tires spoil the tranquility.
sound system is good. i can feel immerse in the music and songs i am listening to. however, the radio quality somehow is not quite up to crystal clear sound. is it the car or is the radio station itself? i am not as i would always be listening from my ipod connected directly to the forte.
i like white color of my car. but i hate it when it gets dirty so easily. sometimes dirts are hard to get off / to scrap off.
the car does not feel cheap from the inside. it feels strong and robust. i feel safe driving it. with all the airbags to guarantee my safety.
sometimes when travelling down on uneven road, i can hear the annoying rattle sound coming somewhere from the seat belt hook of the passenger and sometimes, from the driver side. it can go unnoticeable but the big ear of mine can sense those annoying rattle sound.
usually, after driving, after switching off the engine, i can hear cranking sound, like metal compressing, coming from the engine, people in the forums say that it is ok and nothing to worry about. but still, it is annoying to hear sounds coming from the car.
sound proofing is so so. not so good and it gets rather noisy when it is raining heavily and going over uneven road. but the engine is quiet. when cruising on the road, normally you would not be able to sense the engine but the friction between the roads and tires spoil the tranquility.
sound system is good. i can feel immerse in the music and songs i am listening to. however, the radio quality somehow is not quite up to crystal clear sound. is it the car or is the radio station itself? i am not as i would always be listening from my ipod connected directly to the forte.
i like white color of my car. but i hate it when it gets dirty so easily. sometimes dirts are hard to get off / to scrap off.
the car does not feel cheap from the inside. it feels strong and robust. i feel safe driving it. with all the airbags to guarantee my safety.
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Last day of Feb - what am I?
it is not funny to think of me having a break despite the busyness at the office today. i am away again, unreachable at the comfort of my home in kuching. letting go of everything and freeing my mind of the undesirable thoughts of having to work. the work that i am doing, i am still the lowest of the lowest in the hierarchy. i figure that it is time now i delegate more eventhough i am without the power to do so.
let's start by asking ID to do the 1Data. maybe letting her in charge.
let's focus on my own dream. i dream to become the gabenor of Bank Negara, signing all the money as it is being design. looking at the macro economy of the world.
yes, i figure that I will focus my attention of becoming a financial know-how. I want to learn about the money, why it has value and why the values of money are different from each country. why are we all accepting a dollar bill? why the value changes?
what create a supply? demand.
what create a value? demand.
if people demand me, am i valuable.
creating a value in me, i have to create a demand out of me. making people need me and ultimately want me.
in order to be demanded, i have to create values that differentiate me from everyone else. what value am i creating?
i decided to be really good at the following:
- nuclear (on the surface - not the technical detail)
- finance (this i have yet to discover - i wanna be like tun daim - needed in times of need - during the crisis - knowing what's important - make you important)
let's start by asking ID to do the 1Data. maybe letting her in charge.
let's focus on my own dream. i dream to become the gabenor of Bank Negara, signing all the money as it is being design. looking at the macro economy of the world.
yes, i figure that I will focus my attention of becoming a financial know-how. I want to learn about the money, why it has value and why the values of money are different from each country. why are we all accepting a dollar bill? why the value changes?
what create a supply? demand.
what create a value? demand.
if people demand me, am i valuable.
creating a value in me, i have to create a demand out of me. making people need me and ultimately want me.
in order to be demanded, i have to create values that differentiate me from everyone else. what value am i creating?
i decided to be really good at the following:
- nuclear (on the surface - not the technical detail)
- finance (this i have yet to discover - i wanna be like tun daim - needed in times of need - during the crisis - knowing what's important - make you important)
Saturday, February 05, 2011
That breakfast revisited
Since NJZ confessed that she misses that one breakfast that we had, i'd just want to list all things happen prior, during and after that:
1) it was her proposal to have breakfast, since she felt bad that she could not accept my lunch proposal that week
2) she called the night before saying that she was worried that i could not clock in at 8 which i said it would not matter when exactly i do clocking
3) we're both early
4) she was having bad mood, complaining about my car seat that was so reclined
5) i did not talk much during the drive since she was looking stress
6) we both ordered roti telur, teh tarik for me and warm water for her
7) she confessed that she don't do breakfast usually but in her words, "you're an exception"
8) her mood improve as we talked, she suggest molten rocks a solution to power generation, i said it was new technology and never heard of it. i made fun of the announcement by raju on the load speaker (which was in tamil/hindustan) that they are calling for me to get back to the office.
9) i made joke about the announcement everytime, and everytime she laughed
10) she insisted on paying for the meal which i reluctantly let her. i playfully suggest that she buy some kueh for her boss which she refused but she did buy some for herself.
11) she complained that my car was so dirty, i said that i just washed it but it was raining these few days and i have uncovered parking
12) she made fun of my choice in music while shuffling through my music collection in my iphone which then whe settled for "I Try" by Macy Gray
13) she said that maybe this would be our last time seeing each other which i asked why and went oooohhh aahhh
14) when we arrived at her office i told her that i like her company which she reciprocated
1) it was her proposal to have breakfast, since she felt bad that she could not accept my lunch proposal that week
2) she called the night before saying that she was worried that i could not clock in at 8 which i said it would not matter when exactly i do clocking
3) we're both early
4) she was having bad mood, complaining about my car seat that was so reclined
5) i did not talk much during the drive since she was looking stress
6) we both ordered roti telur, teh tarik for me and warm water for her
7) she confessed that she don't do breakfast usually but in her words, "you're an exception"
8) her mood improve as we talked, she suggest molten rocks a solution to power generation, i said it was new technology and never heard of it. i made fun of the announcement by raju on the load speaker (which was in tamil/hindustan) that they are calling for me to get back to the office.
9) i made joke about the announcement everytime, and everytime she laughed
10) she insisted on paying for the meal which i reluctantly let her. i playfully suggest that she buy some kueh for her boss which she refused but she did buy some for herself.
11) she complained that my car was so dirty, i said that i just washed it but it was raining these few days and i have uncovered parking
12) she made fun of my choice in music while shuffling through my music collection in my iphone which then whe settled for "I Try" by Macy Gray
13) she said that maybe this would be our last time seeing each other which i asked why and went oooohhh aahhh
14) when we arrived at her office i told her that i like her company which she reciprocated
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Perplexed still, I am
What would it mean when a girl said well done for being so sweet? and share with you a youtube link on a dutch couple who was being interviewed by a Holland TV station on when was the last time they had sex? did it even matter what she was thinking? maybe i am thinking too deep into this matter. maybe all she wished was to share some laughter. and proposed that we should go to Holland, totally. and she answered yes we should =DD. knowing girls i think maybe they have underlying meanings to whatever is being said. knowing boys, most of what we said came out as being spontaneous and without having particular meaning at all. not with girls because they so emotionally attached and i wonder if everything they said go more than they sound. she also said that she missed having breakfast with me when in reality we only had breakfast once. maybe that one breakfast that we had was the best memorable memory about me.
i called her and she picked up but she was not saying anything. just listening to me saying hello for numerous times, for 47 seconds to be exact. she emailed to ask if tried to call her. i asked why there was deafening silence on her side and she said she heard me. then she called me to say that she was rather busy but she just calling to let me hear her voice. later she called again to ask how i was and later i found out that she is skype-ing through her phone and she was not in her room but was outside visiting her old college. that explains several things. she was just listening because maybe she was with some people.
i guess maybe she was very similar to me. as if she was the female version of me, ergo her emotions are sometimes hard to comprehend by a mere man like me.
i called her and she picked up but she was not saying anything. just listening to me saying hello for numerous times, for 47 seconds to be exact. she emailed to ask if tried to call her. i asked why there was deafening silence on her side and she said she heard me. then she called me to say that she was rather busy but she just calling to let me hear her voice. later she called again to ask how i was and later i found out that she is skype-ing through her phone and she was not in her room but was outside visiting her old college. that explains several things. she was just listening because maybe she was with some people.
i guess maybe she was very similar to me. as if she was the female version of me, ergo her emotions are sometimes hard to comprehend by a mere man like me.
Sunday, January 23, 2011
I hope I wasn't mean to NJZ
On a beautiful date of 11-1-11 I wrote a simple note to her which was sent later that evening. The stamp should cost RM1.50 for a 10 gram letter but I insisted to pay RM2 for the stamp. The note was so simple that it did not fill a whole A4 letter. I posted the note using an envelope which was meant for SZZR, now thanks to NJZ and I managed to completely eliminate the feeling I had for SZZR. SZM was not able to do that but NJZ did and I would be forever grateful to her.
Well, the letter or the note arrived 9 days later on 20-1-11 around noon her time and around 8 pm our time. NJZ seemed to be highly jubilant from the emails she sent to me. She sent two emails which I purposely did not reply instantaneously and she sent another to shout just my name the next morning which I delayed the reply until around noon my time or while she was sleeping supposedly at her time zone.
She called me that night while I was having class. The call was one-sided since I could hear her but she could not hear me. She called using skype thus the number was blocked. She emailed to say that her wifi connection was bad and I blatantly sent an email saying that UK has bad internet while US has good internet connection because they started the internet.
Am I mean? I hope not. We exchanged few emails arguing about that.
Wednesday, January 05, 2011
She called to say goodbye.
Last night, as I was fidgeting whether to call or not call and when to call, at night or in the morning, I felt twitching on my right eyelid thinking maybe someone dear is thinking of me. All of the sudden, my phone rang and it was her, NJZ. Wow, I took a deep breath and answered the call. I was happy to hear her voice and as usual she asked whether I was busy or not. No, I was sitting at home thinking about her. My real intention was not to call her at all and let her wonder where I was, just like what Amir Khan did in 3 idiots making everyone who cares search for him.
Well she said that I represent tenaga, and everything she would like to remember about tenaga. It was actually so sweet of her to be calling me. We talked for the longest duration in any phone calls that we had ever had.
She is leaving tonight, 2 hours after midnight. I am not planning to call her because by now and then, she would be busy doing all sorts of things thinkable to mankind when they're leaving. If I were to be in her shoes, I won't even carrying my phone, I will leave it with my parents because going overseas to study, I won't be using my the calling plan here of course. In fact, I only had my phone in the US for emergency. For everything else I rely on the internet since the speed is reliable and fast.
So perhaps, I will keep in touch with her later, some other times, when I feel like it. Till we meet again NJZ.
Well she said that I represent tenaga, and everything she would like to remember about tenaga. It was actually so sweet of her to be calling me. We talked for the longest duration in any phone calls that we had ever had.
She is leaving tonight, 2 hours after midnight. I am not planning to call her because by now and then, she would be busy doing all sorts of things thinkable to mankind when they're leaving. If I were to be in her shoes, I won't even carrying my phone, I will leave it with my parents because going overseas to study, I won't be using my the calling plan here of course. In fact, I only had my phone in the US for emergency. For everything else I rely on the internet since the speed is reliable and fast.
So perhaps, I will keep in touch with her later, some other times, when I feel like it. Till we meet again NJZ.
Friday, December 31, 2010
3 Idiots :: 2010 ends :: 2011 comes
The heart is afraid, usually. Therefore, you will have to lie saying that, "All is well!" everything will be OK so that the heart will ease itself and do things that you are always afraid.
What's the worst that can happen? you should ask yourself. How bad can it be. Always think positive and everything will be OK. Trust yourself, BELIEVE in GOD and let whatever happens.
It is funny to think how on fate has decided that i finally watched the "3 Idiots" on Astro Fiesta channel 110 on New Year's Eve. How much I have reflected and learnt from the movie. A story about life of a genius who become a scientist that have 400 patents.
Don't always be chasing something. Be good with whatever you do and success will come looking for you.
I have been chasing too many things in 2010: dreams, targets and girls. Maybe it is time in 2011 to stop chasing and reflect. I will try to perfect myself in whatever I am doing. I am an engineer and I will continue to learn engineering. At the same as I have started taking MBA, I will continue be best at studying MBA. Focus on what I am doing and not trying to get everything at the same time.
Rushing is no good. Relax. Reflect. Try to perfect myself.
Even in relationship, I have been rushing. Been praying everyday for God to find me the best for me when I am not perfect. I will improve myself in 2011 so that I will be ready when the ONE for me appears. It may have already appears but I should not rush.
Take things slow. Get to know first. Fate will show me the ONE, eventually, inshaAllah.
I have been running. I will continue running to make sure I am fit and healthy.
I may have targeted this year to get married. Nonetheless, I should not be pressured or rush. Take it slow, all will go well, all will arrange itself and everything will work out, eventually.
Everything will be ready when I am ready.
So relax. All is well!
What's the worst that can happen? you should ask yourself. How bad can it be. Always think positive and everything will be OK. Trust yourself, BELIEVE in GOD and let whatever happens.
It is funny to think how on fate has decided that i finally watched the "3 Idiots" on Astro Fiesta channel 110 on New Year's Eve. How much I have reflected and learnt from the movie. A story about life of a genius who become a scientist that have 400 patents.
Don't always be chasing something. Be good with whatever you do and success will come looking for you.
I have been chasing too many things in 2010: dreams, targets and girls. Maybe it is time in 2011 to stop chasing and reflect. I will try to perfect myself in whatever I am doing. I am an engineer and I will continue to learn engineering. At the same as I have started taking MBA, I will continue be best at studying MBA. Focus on what I am doing and not trying to get everything at the same time.
Rushing is no good. Relax. Reflect. Try to perfect myself.
Even in relationship, I have been rushing. Been praying everyday for God to find me the best for me when I am not perfect. I will improve myself in 2011 so that I will be ready when the ONE for me appears. It may have already appears but I should not rush.
Take things slow. Get to know first. Fate will show me the ONE, eventually, inshaAllah.
I have been running. I will continue running to make sure I am fit and healthy.
I may have targeted this year to get married. Nonetheless, I should not be pressured or rush. Take it slow, all will go well, all will arrange itself and everything will work out, eventually.
Everything will be ready when I am ready.
So relax. All is well!
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Men are simple
Men are simple, they show affection when they are feeling it. It is hard to fake a feeling when you like somebody.
the first thing that men are attracted to is the appearance of the female. they will look from every angle before making any move. the body and the face must be satisfactory to the eyes which would then melt down to the heart.
men do not really think too hard or deep, they are impulsive and follow the voice inside the heart. they will make a move whenever there is an impulse to do so. but some men are shy and they need the push.
making the move is not that obvious. they may just stare at the female and see if she notices. sometimes men smile and many more times they like to act cool and pretend that they are not looking.
he will ask her to hang out. eat out. go somewhere where he can know get to know her. he may be acting not him. he is trying to think and make sense whether the female would be suitable for him. sometimes it is hard to make decision so he will ask for a second eat out...
men hate to write.
the first thing that men are attracted to is the appearance of the female. they will look from every angle before making any move. the body and the face must be satisfactory to the eyes which would then melt down to the heart.
men do not really think too hard or deep, they are impulsive and follow the voice inside the heart. they will make a move whenever there is an impulse to do so. but some men are shy and they need the push.
making the move is not that obvious. they may just stare at the female and see if she notices. sometimes men smile and many more times they like to act cool and pretend that they are not looking.
he will ask her to hang out. eat out. go somewhere where he can know get to know her. he may be acting not him. he is trying to think and make sense whether the female would be suitable for him. sometimes it is hard to make decision so he will ask for a second eat out...
men hate to write.
Sunday, December 26, 2010
the final lesson
although i went ranting about not wanting to initiate any more contact with NJZ, i could not. she taught me a lot but not about breaking up. i need to know one final lesson: how do you break up with girl without hurting her feeling. well, i finally got the answer today as I was confessing to her how much i love her and missing her more and more each day. well, she got my point and feel that i wanted to be more than just friend with her. so she told me how sweet i am, how we first knew each other, and that she like me for me and love hanging out with me because she is comfortable with me. but all she want is me being her friends, really good friends and whether i am ok with that. yes, why not, i am not surprised and am rather expecting her to say that.
take care, dear. : dear here is to clarify that she cares about me but doesn't like me in that way that she wanted to be more than friend or she would call me babe.
i have the highest suspicion that she still in love with her BF, HR. she went all over europe with him but i will never find out what happen to them. maybe they broke up or having a break with each other but she feel lonely since he's so far away perhaps and that she wrote a poem to him about wanting to be close with him like teeth and braces, shoes and laces or sentences without spaces.
so long dear.
take care, dear. : dear here is to clarify that she cares about me but doesn't like me in that way that she wanted to be more than friend or she would call me babe.
i have the highest suspicion that she still in love with her BF, HR. she went all over europe with him but i will never find out what happen to them. maybe they broke up or having a break with each other but she feel lonely since he's so far away perhaps and that she wrote a poem to him about wanting to be close with him like teeth and braces, shoes and laces or sentences without spaces.
so long dear.
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Letting go
22 12 2010
exactly after a month since i first dated her. I believe it is time to let her off my mind. i am tired, losing interest on her. she is stressed out and acting erratically, giving out mix signals to me.
so i believe it is time that i do not initiate anymore contacts with her, beginning from this moment onwards.
this is the best i can do for her. let time decides. how, i do not know.
i will start new, aiming on new flowers. goodbye NJZ, you have served your purposes and taught me a lot. Thank you.
i believe the dream girl i always wanted is someone like mar lia or zee ha. simple yet elegant. easy going yet witty and funny. athletic and always looking fresh.
exactly after a month since i first dated her. I believe it is time to let her off my mind. i am tired, losing interest on her. she is stressed out and acting erratically, giving out mix signals to me.
so i believe it is time that i do not initiate anymore contacts with her, beginning from this moment onwards.
this is the best i can do for her. let time decides. how, i do not know.
i will start new, aiming on new flowers. goodbye NJZ, you have served your purposes and taught me a lot. Thank you.
i believe the dream girl i always wanted is someone like mar lia or zee ha. simple yet elegant. easy going yet witty and funny. athletic and always looking fresh.
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Am I hooked or she is?
14 Dec 2010. Tuesday.
She has so much going on with her life right now. There are so many things she has to settle with. She became laptop-less as her mac died on her due to the rain, exposed as she carried her laptop in her bag while its raining. She is going early next month on a new journey of her life.
Yet, we were having lunch again. This time around, she picked me up, as she was leaving from her house to her office in the afternoon. While at it, we went around the city as she needed to buy some fruits and delivered it to someone. As she seems so bad with direction in the city, I insisted that we do her chores first before having lunch. With the help of my iphone, we managed to find the targeted house and delivered the promised inventory. Since time is of an essence, I decided that we should just have our lunch somewhere nearby.
She parked across the street and went through the row of shop lots. What seem to be an easy task suddenly became less easy since we were having some difficulties in making up our mind. I suggest that we tried dominos, but upon entering the restaurant I decided that I did not like the menu so we went out and I said sorry to the waiter. We ended up having lunch at a random malay restaurant with no name on the outside.
she ordered pattaya and ice tea while i ordered mee goreng mamak and hot lemon tea. she confessed that she is a conservative type, with traditional values and like chillies sauce with her meal. my mee was not anything like mamak style but rather more to malay style.
as usual i feel good and she seems to feel good after the meeting. she was only worried on how to get back to her office which she eventually managed to.
she dropped me somewhere convenience as i need to go somewhere first before heading back to my office. after that i called just to check up on her but she was in a meeting.
a call that touches her soul. and she was grateful. which she told me the next day.
She has so much going on with her life right now. There are so many things she has to settle with. She became laptop-less as her mac died on her due to the rain, exposed as she carried her laptop in her bag while its raining. She is going early next month on a new journey of her life.
Yet, we were having lunch again. This time around, she picked me up, as she was leaving from her house to her office in the afternoon. While at it, we went around the city as she needed to buy some fruits and delivered it to someone. As she seems so bad with direction in the city, I insisted that we do her chores first before having lunch. With the help of my iphone, we managed to find the targeted house and delivered the promised inventory. Since time is of an essence, I decided that we should just have our lunch somewhere nearby.
She parked across the street and went through the row of shop lots. What seem to be an easy task suddenly became less easy since we were having some difficulties in making up our mind. I suggest that we tried dominos, but upon entering the restaurant I decided that I did not like the menu so we went out and I said sorry to the waiter. We ended up having lunch at a random malay restaurant with no name on the outside.
she ordered pattaya and ice tea while i ordered mee goreng mamak and hot lemon tea. she confessed that she is a conservative type, with traditional values and like chillies sauce with her meal. my mee was not anything like mamak style but rather more to malay style.
as usual i feel good and she seems to feel good after the meeting. she was only worried on how to get back to her office which she eventually managed to.
she dropped me somewhere convenience as i need to go somewhere first before heading back to my office. after that i called just to check up on her but she was in a meeting.
a call that touches her soul. and she was grateful. which she told me the next day.
Friday, December 03, 2010
Taming or rather learning from the Pro Player NJZ
3rd Disember 2010 - Friday
It was a long day and I was burnt out when I got home later at night.
I had to wake up earlier than usual in order to have breakfast at R a j u ' s with NJZ. This could be our last time alone together, she had taught me what I need to learn and I am all ready to go.
She looked rather grumpy when I picked her up at her office at 7.35. (Well, I arrived at my office at 7.16 to punch in then went to pick her up). She told me that she is at the phase of her life that makes her confused and depressed, because she knows that she will be leaving soon, leaving the things that she love here and facing the uncertainties ahead in UK where she will start a new life, as a postgraduate student where the classes would be different ergo the lifestyle. Going back to UK where the weather is gloomy, where she knows that she would be depressed most of the time because deep down inside she would be lonely. Being 24, unmarried, a girl would always feel insecure and worry. I didn't really know what to say so I just listened. Because if i said i totally understand then i would be lying. Honestly, i don't know what a girl feel even though i listen to many girl songs, I didn't really scrutinize their lyric but i just like the music because it is easy on my ear.
She usually does not have breakfast, but she said, "you are an exception". She was also earlier that day than any other days, she drove so fast from home that her speed needle reached the 160km/h mark. We promised last night to meet up at 7.45 but we were both earlier than expected.
Her mood gradually improve as we talked while we eat roti telur under the tree without sun shine shining brightly but the air was fresh with no one really yet coming to the usually crowded place (she was here before with other man, that's why i claimed her as a pro player since she has been seeing so many guys, which i lost count). She opened up about her life, she was the eldest of the two siblings, her brother is pretty young at 8yrs old. She has another brother which is slightly older but he is from different mother but the same father as her and he is married with his wife pregnant half-way. She would become an auntie at almost the same time when I will become an uncle. I knew earlier that she is 1/8th Pakistani but through our conversation i know that she is 1/2 Chinese since her mother is a Chinese. She asked if she look Chinese, I don't think so I said because honestly she does not look like anyone that I can associate her with. She is unique.
She paid for the breakfast which I was reluctant at first to let her but she insisted so I let her. She bought few of that Indian donut like kueh to eat at the office. As usual when she got back to my car, she would want to look at my iPhone and browse the music that was stored inside. She made fun of my music collection playfully. She had trouble finding a song that she would settle down with.
When I sent her back to her office, her mood had improved dramatically. She was herself again and I told her that I like her company and vice versa she agreed with me.
She left me with a song by Macy Gray - I Try: I am not sure whether she wanted to convey any message or she just like to hear the slow melody.
Games, changes and fears
When will they go from here
When will they stop
I believe that fate has brought us here
And we should be together
But wer,e not
I play it off but I'm dreamin of you
I'll keep it cool but I'm fiendin.
I try to say goodbye and I choke
I try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it it's clear
My world crumbles when you are not near
Goodbye and I choke
I try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it, it's clear
My world crumbles when you are not near
I may appear to be free
But I'm just a prisoner of your love
I may seem alright and smile when you leave
But my smiles are just a front
I play it off but I'm dreamin of you
I'll keep my cool but I'm fiendin
I try to say goodbye and I choke
I try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it it's clear
My world crumbles when you are not near
Here is my confession
May I be your possesion
Boy I need your touch
Your love kisses and such
With all my might I try
But this I can't deny
I play it off but im dreamin of you
I'll keep my cool but I'm fiendin
I try to say good bye and I choke
I try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it it's clear
My world crumbles when you are not near
It was a long day and I was burnt out when I got home later at night.
I had to wake up earlier than usual in order to have breakfast at R a j u ' s with NJZ. This could be our last time alone together, she had taught me what I need to learn and I am all ready to go.
She looked rather grumpy when I picked her up at her office at 7.35. (Well, I arrived at my office at 7.16 to punch in then went to pick her up). She told me that she is at the phase of her life that makes her confused and depressed, because she knows that she will be leaving soon, leaving the things that she love here and facing the uncertainties ahead in UK where she will start a new life, as a postgraduate student where the classes would be different ergo the lifestyle. Going back to UK where the weather is gloomy, where she knows that she would be depressed most of the time because deep down inside she would be lonely. Being 24, unmarried, a girl would always feel insecure and worry. I didn't really know what to say so I just listened. Because if i said i totally understand then i would be lying. Honestly, i don't know what a girl feel even though i listen to many girl songs, I didn't really scrutinize their lyric but i just like the music because it is easy on my ear.
She usually does not have breakfast, but she said, "you are an exception". She was also earlier that day than any other days, she drove so fast from home that her speed needle reached the 160km/h mark. We promised last night to meet up at 7.45 but we were both earlier than expected.
Her mood gradually improve as we talked while we eat roti telur under the tree without sun shine shining brightly but the air was fresh with no one really yet coming to the usually crowded place (she was here before with other man, that's why i claimed her as a pro player since she has been seeing so many guys, which i lost count). She opened up about her life, she was the eldest of the two siblings, her brother is pretty young at 8yrs old. She has another brother which is slightly older but he is from different mother but the same father as her and he is married with his wife pregnant half-way. She would become an auntie at almost the same time when I will become an uncle. I knew earlier that she is 1/8th Pakistani but through our conversation i know that she is 1/2 Chinese since her mother is a Chinese. She asked if she look Chinese, I don't think so I said because honestly she does not look like anyone that I can associate her with. She is unique.
She paid for the breakfast which I was reluctant at first to let her but she insisted so I let her. She bought few of that Indian donut like kueh to eat at the office. As usual when she got back to my car, she would want to look at my iPhone and browse the music that was stored inside. She made fun of my music collection playfully. She had trouble finding a song that she would settle down with.
When I sent her back to her office, her mood had improved dramatically. She was herself again and I told her that I like her company and vice versa she agreed with me.
She left me with a song by Macy Gray - I Try: I am not sure whether she wanted to convey any message or she just like to hear the slow melody.
Games, changes and fears
When will they go from here
When will they stop
I believe that fate has brought us here
And we should be together
But wer,e not
I play it off but I'm dreamin of you
I'll keep it cool but I'm fiendin.
I try to say goodbye and I choke
I try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it it's clear
My world crumbles when you are not near
Goodbye and I choke
I try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it, it's clear
My world crumbles when you are not near
I may appear to be free
But I'm just a prisoner of your love
I may seem alright and smile when you leave
But my smiles are just a front
I play it off but I'm dreamin of you
I'll keep my cool but I'm fiendin
I try to say goodbye and I choke
I try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it it's clear
My world crumbles when you are not near
Here is my confession
May I be your possesion
Boy I need your touch
Your love kisses and such
With all my might I try
But this I can't deny
I play it off but im dreamin of you
I'll keep my cool but I'm fiendin
I try to say good bye and I choke
I try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it it's clear
My world crumbles when you are not near
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Despite, we had lunch
22 11 2010 - I met NJZ again, this time for lunch. This is the third encounter. The first at the HQ while meeting someone of importance and the second is in Penang while conducting an event of importance. However, this is really the first time we were really talking. Real talk, to know each other.
Despite all the feelings I had, I decided to accept my good old friend advice to apology and amend the relationship that is about to be broken of due to me making an ASS of myself, assuming what she was thinking or feeling based on signs and gut feeling. So I apologize and asked her out for lunch.
So I picked her up and it felt so natural. As if we had known each other forever. So she was 1/8 Pakistani and we went to an Indian food restaurant (although I made that decision without knowing that she had some Pakistani blood in her.
She is bubbly, talkative and smart and witty and funny. I realized now that I like her company. But alas, she will be leaving this country after about a month. She sounded sad that she would be leaving, saying that there would not be much time to hang out with her friends, that she would be unfair to marry someone and then not wanting to have baby right away because she do not want to have to choose between her love for higher education against having her own baby.
Strange as it sounds, we talked about marriage.
And lots of things.
I have the feeling that I should take this opportunity to pour everything that I had up in my sleeve. After all, what do i have to lose? I will be losing her anyway. So better let loose of everything, I think. To try, so that I will learn, cause time is running out, of course I do not want to start learning when I found the right person to marry because then it would be too late.
Maybe, it is fate that she is God sent for me to learn, about life.
Despite all the feelings I had, I decided to accept my good old friend advice to apology and amend the relationship that is about to be broken of due to me making an ASS of myself, assuming what she was thinking or feeling based on signs and gut feeling. So I apologize and asked her out for lunch.
So I picked her up and it felt so natural. As if we had known each other forever. So she was 1/8 Pakistani and we went to an Indian food restaurant (although I made that decision without knowing that she had some Pakistani blood in her.
She is bubbly, talkative and smart and witty and funny. I realized now that I like her company. But alas, she will be leaving this country after about a month. She sounded sad that she would be leaving, saying that there would not be much time to hang out with her friends, that she would be unfair to marry someone and then not wanting to have baby right away because she do not want to have to choose between her love for higher education against having her own baby.
Strange as it sounds, we talked about marriage.
And lots of things.
I have the feeling that I should take this opportunity to pour everything that I had up in my sleeve. After all, what do i have to lose? I will be losing her anyway. So better let loose of everything, I think. To try, so that I will learn, cause time is running out, of course I do not want to start learning when I found the right person to marry because then it would be too late.
Maybe, it is fate that she is God sent for me to learn, about life.
Friday, November 12, 2010
Screw you NJZ
A full circle of karma has been bestowed upon me. I totally experience everything that I did to SZM, now that it was done by NJZ to me.
I am bored, uninterested and tired of her. I will let her go. In fact, she had put a black spot inside my heart. It used to hurt, but not anymore.
I had been warned when she first appeared, that she was just monkeying with my heart. The appearance of a monkey yesterday morning came as a sign of what I would feel yesterday. She had shown her lowest interest level in me, and so I am and will be feeling towards her.
So screw her. She is nothing special actually. She wrote a book so? Because her father own a publishing company, so she can write any book she wanted and her father will publish it. She went to a well established university so? Anyone and many people including myself had been studying in well established university. She is taking a PhD so? She will be getting a permanent head damage and I, pity her. She is not tall and slender so? I will find somebody else who are and fun and witty and fair and smart and have the greatest faith towards Allah.
I am bored, uninterested and tired of her. I will let her go. In fact, she had put a black spot inside my heart. It used to hurt, but not anymore.
I had been warned when she first appeared, that she was just monkeying with my heart. The appearance of a monkey yesterday morning came as a sign of what I would feel yesterday. She had shown her lowest interest level in me, and so I am and will be feeling towards her.
So screw her. She is nothing special actually. She wrote a book so? Because her father own a publishing company, so she can write any book she wanted and her father will publish it. She went to a well established university so? Anyone and many people including myself had been studying in well established university. She is taking a PhD so? She will be getting a permanent head damage and I, pity her. She is not tall and slender so? I will find somebody else who are and fun and witty and fair and smart and have the greatest faith towards Allah.
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
NJZ a pro at being a player
It has been pretty hard to ask NJZ out, she always come up other things to do and other people to meet. Texting her does not seem fun anymore, she is slowly detaching herself away from me. I have the gut feeling that she had realize the mistake of giving out her phone number to me. So when I called, she would mumble and become pretty hard to comprehend. She's smart and I believe, witty too. She only being nice when answering my text and i feel i can empathize, she is doing the same thing i did to SZM a while back when I believe that me and SZM has no chemistry. SZM likes me and keep on sending me greetings everyday saying good morning and happy working till I became uninterested and delayed my reply to her.
But they say that man and woman behave differently. If a girl that i am not interested text me everyday, I will become annoyed and make her thing that I do not like her anymore by sending messages that does not really answer her question simply but to write something out of the blue that do not need any reply from her.
Is this karma? I am starting to like NJZ but she is playing game with me, she is acting hard to get. Does this mean that she not interested in me anymore after closer look at me. Or is she genuinely busy to be unable to accept my invitation for lunch and currently not replying my text.
Her answer to my invitation does seem any encouraging. She said something that she would take up my offer sometime in the future :) and what's with the smiley face? Is she trying to mock me.
So I decided that I will not pay anymore attention to her. I will not text her nor call her at least for 4 days. or do i keep on bugging her? making her life miserable and hopefully creating slight guilty feeling inside her heart. I think I will go with the second approach, to keep on bugging her everyday so that she would feel uneasy for not accepting my invite to go out with her. In addition, in a month or so she would disappear from this country so in a month or so if anything will go bad, I will not be seeing her. However, I will not make myself look like a psycho stalker. I will be discreet and persevere in making her guilty conscience resurface.
I will not her win. She does not always win! TEEHEE
But they say that man and woman behave differently. If a girl that i am not interested text me everyday, I will become annoyed and make her thing that I do not like her anymore by sending messages that does not really answer her question simply but to write something out of the blue that do not need any reply from her.
Is this karma? I am starting to like NJZ but she is playing game with me, she is acting hard to get. Does this mean that she not interested in me anymore after closer look at me. Or is she genuinely busy to be unable to accept my invitation for lunch and currently not replying my text.
Her answer to my invitation does seem any encouraging. She said something that she would take up my offer sometime in the future :) and what's with the smiley face? Is she trying to mock me.
So I decided that I will not pay anymore attention to her. I will not text her nor call her at least for 4 days. or do i keep on bugging her? making her life miserable and hopefully creating slight guilty feeling inside her heart. I think I will go with the second approach, to keep on bugging her everyday so that she would feel uneasy for not accepting my invite to go out with her. In addition, in a month or so she would disappear from this country so in a month or so if anything will go bad, I will not be seeing her. However, I will not make myself look like a psycho stalker. I will be discreet and persevere in making her guilty conscience resurface.
I will not her win. She does not always win! TEEHEE
Monday, November 08, 2010
Initial Assessment of NJZ
Until to this date, I have not been able to actualize a one-on-one face-to-face heart-to-heart conversation with NJZ just to know her better. Our first arrangement to have lunch on Monday started with some delightful exchanges of messages on Saturday. First, it would coincide with another arrangement that she would have with another guy friend whom I have no interest of asking who he is. However, she had asked me to join them and reliving past experiences with SZZR, I accepted her extended invitation to have a threesome lunch at Subway taking into consideration the midpoint of the three participants involve in the arrangement. However, on Sunday alas she was just informed of an urgent meeting with someone with power at the office in the morning that she would afraid that would be dragged until lunch time and thus she asked my opinion of what to do and she did not want to "stand me up" and additionally her friend would also not coming (coincidentally convenient?). Thus she suggested that if I insisted, she would not mind having the lunch somewhere near to my place but despite that she was afraid that she would "stand me up" since she did not know when the meeting with someone of importance would finish. Taking into consideration many aspects of life and people of importance, I decided that she should not rush to have lunch with me or else I may regret if anything would happen to her. So I suggested that the lunch meeting to be put on hold until later dates that would be convenient to all parties involve.
Calling her has not been a delightful experience either. Either I could not listen to her clearly, cracking on the line or vice versa where she could not comprehend me properly. Is it due to her phone?, my phone?, the lines? or were she faking it so that we would not be talking on the phone perhaps? Thus, I do not feel like calling her again since she may perceive me as being stuttering due to not so smooth telephone line between us two. This does not happen when I call my sister or my family or my friends because I can talk as smoothly as possible without the line interfering.
I could not comprehend the feeling that we have, is it mutual or am I clapping with my hand that is not making any sound. But I really feel happy and excited when she replied to my messages/texts with all the :) emoticons that she put inside her texts.
As of now, I will carry it slow like pulling out a thread out of flour, the thread will not break and the flour will not spill over. Also, if I am trying too hard to get her, I should not be doing it at all. Because by trying too hard, we would be forcing something unnaturally. When something comes naturally then it would settle naturally and adhere firmly towards one another.
Perhaps I need a neutron to make the fusion work, between me and NJZ. And I am left to wonder, what would be the neutron?
Calling her has not been a delightful experience either. Either I could not listen to her clearly, cracking on the line or vice versa where she could not comprehend me properly. Is it due to her phone?, my phone?, the lines? or were she faking it so that we would not be talking on the phone perhaps? Thus, I do not feel like calling her again since she may perceive me as being stuttering due to not so smooth telephone line between us two. This does not happen when I call my sister or my family or my friends because I can talk as smoothly as possible without the line interfering.
I could not comprehend the feeling that we have, is it mutual or am I clapping with my hand that is not making any sound. But I really feel happy and excited when she replied to my messages/texts with all the :) emoticons that she put inside her texts.
As of now, I will carry it slow like pulling out a thread out of flour, the thread will not break and the flour will not spill over. Also, if I am trying too hard to get her, I should not be doing it at all. Because by trying too hard, we would be forcing something unnaturally. When something comes naturally then it would settle naturally and adhere firmly towards one another.
Perhaps I need a neutron to make the fusion work, between me and NJZ. And I am left to wonder, what would be the neutron?
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