Perplexed still, I am

What would it mean when a girl said well done for being so sweet? and share with you a youtube link on a dutch couple who was being interviewed by a Holland TV station on when was the last time they had sex? did it even matter what she was thinking? maybe i am thinking too deep into this matter. maybe all she wished was to share some laughter. and proposed that we should go to Holland, totally. and she answered yes we should =DD. knowing girls i think maybe they have underlying meanings to whatever is being said. knowing boys, most of what we said came out as being spontaneous and without having particular meaning at all. not with girls because they so emotionally attached and i wonder if everything they said go more than they sound. she also said that she missed having breakfast with me when in reality we only had breakfast once. maybe that one breakfast that we had was the best memorable memory about me.

i called her and she picked up but she was not saying anything. just listening to me saying hello for numerous times, for 47 seconds to be exact. she emailed to ask if tried to call her. i asked why there was deafening silence on her side and she said she heard me. then she called me to say that she was rather busy but she just calling to let me hear her voice. later she called again to ask how i was and later i found out that she is skype-ing through her phone and she was not in her room but was outside visiting her old college. that explains several things. she was just listening because maybe she was with some people.

i guess maybe she was very similar to me. as if she was the female version of me, ergo her emotions are sometimes hard to comprehend by a mere man like me.

I hope I wasn't mean to NJZ

On a beautiful date of 11-1-11 I wrote a simple note to her which was sent later that evening. The stamp should cost RM1.50 for a 10 gram letter but I insisted to pay RM2 for the stamp. The note was so simple that it did not fill a whole A4 letter. I posted the note using an envelope which was meant for SZZR, now thanks to NJZ and I managed to completely eliminate the feeling I had for SZZR. SZM was not able to do that but NJZ did and I would be forever grateful to her.

Well, the letter or the note arrived 9 days later on 20-1-11 around noon her time and around 8 pm our time. NJZ seemed to be highly jubilant from the emails she sent to me. She sent two emails which I purposely did not reply instantaneously and she sent another to shout just my name the next morning which I delayed the reply until around noon my time or while she was sleeping supposedly at her time zone.

She called me that night while I was having class. The call was one-sided since I could hear her but she could not hear me. She called using skype thus the number was blocked. She emailed to say that her wifi connection was bad and I blatantly sent an email saying that UK has bad internet while US has good internet connection because they started the internet.

Am I mean? I hope not. We exchanged few emails arguing about that.

She called to say goodbye.

Last night, as I was fidgeting whether to call or not call and when to call, at night or in the morning, I felt twitching on my right eyelid thinking maybe someone dear is thinking of me. All of the sudden, my phone rang and it was her, NJZ. Wow, I took a deep breath and answered the call. I was happy to hear her voice and as usual she asked whether I was busy or not. No, I was sitting at home thinking about her. My real intention was not to call her at all and let her wonder where I was, just like what Amir Khan did in 3 idiots making everyone who cares search for him.

Well she said that I represent tenaga, and everything she would like to remember about tenaga. It was actually so sweet of her to be calling me. We talked for the longest duration in any phone calls that we had ever had.

She is leaving tonight, 2 hours after midnight. I am not planning to call her because by now and then, she would be busy doing all sorts of things thinkable to mankind when they're leaving. If I were to be in her shoes, I won't even carrying my phone, I will leave it with my parents because going overseas to study, I won't be using my the calling plan here of course. In fact, I only had my phone in the US for emergency. For everything else I rely on the internet since the speed is reliable and fast.

So perhaps, I will keep in touch with her later, some other times, when I feel like it. Till we meet again NJZ.

3 Idiots :: 2010 ends :: 2011 comes

The heart is afraid, usually. Therefore, you will have to lie saying that, "All is well!" everything will be OK so that the heart will ease itself and do things that you are always afraid.

What's the worst that can happen? you should ask yourself. How bad can it be. Always think positive and everything will be OK. Trust yourself, BELIEVE in GOD and let whatever happens.

It is funny to think how on fate has decided that i finally watched the "3 Idiots" on Astro Fiesta channel 110 on New Year's Eve. How much I have reflected and learnt from the movie. A story about life of a genius who become a scientist that have 400 patents.

Don't always be chasing something. Be good with whatever you do and success will come looking for you.

I have been chasing too many things in 2010: dreams, targets and girls. Maybe it is time in 2011 to stop chasing and reflect. I will try to perfect myself in whatever I am doing. I am an engineer and I will continue to learn engineering. At the same as I have started taking MBA, I will continue be best at studying MBA. Focus on what I am doing and not trying to get everything at the same time.

Rushing is no good. Relax. Reflect. Try to perfect myself.

Even in relationship, I have been rushing. Been praying everyday for God to find me the best for me when I am not perfect. I will improve myself in 2011 so that I will be ready when the ONE for me appears. It may have already appears but I should not rush.

Take things slow. Get to know first. Fate will show me the ONE, eventually, inshaAllah.

I have been running. I will continue running to make sure I am fit and healthy.

I may have targeted this year to get married. Nonetheless, I should not be pressured or rush. Take it slow, all will go well, all will arrange itself and everything will work out, eventually.

Everything will be ready when I am ready.

So relax. All is well!

Men are simple

Men are simple, they show affection when they are feeling it. It is hard to fake a feeling when you like somebody.

the first thing that men are attracted to is the appearance of the female. they will look from every angle before making any move. the body and the face must be satisfactory to the eyes which would then melt down to the heart.

men do not really think too hard or deep, they are impulsive and follow the voice inside the heart. they will make a move whenever there is an impulse to do so. but some men are shy and they need the push.

making the move is not that obvious. they may just stare at the female and see if she notices. sometimes men smile and many more times they like to act cool and pretend that they are not looking.

he will ask her to hang out. eat out. go somewhere where he can know get to know her. he may be acting not him. he is trying to think and make sense whether the female would be suitable for him. sometimes it is hard to make decision so he will ask for a second eat out...

men hate to write.

the final lesson

although i went ranting about not wanting to initiate any more contact with NJZ, i could not. she taught me a lot but not about breaking up. i need to know one final lesson: how do you break up with girl without hurting her feeling. well, i finally got the answer today as I was confessing to her how much i love her and missing her more and more each day. well, she got my point and feel that i wanted to be more than just friend with her. so she told me how sweet i am, how we first knew each other, and that she like me for me and love hanging out with me because she is comfortable with me. but all she want is me being her friends, really good friends and whether i am ok with that. yes, why not, i am not surprised and am rather expecting her to say that.

take care, dear. : dear here is to clarify that she cares about me but doesn't like me in that way that she wanted to be more than friend or she would call me babe.

i have the highest suspicion that she still in love with her BF, HR. she went all over europe with him but i will never find out what happen to them. maybe they broke up or having a break with each other but she feel lonely since he's so far away perhaps and that she wrote a poem to him about wanting to be close with him like teeth and braces, shoes and laces or sentences without spaces.

so long dear.

Letting go

22 12 2010

exactly after a month since i first dated her. I believe it is time to let her off my mind. i am tired, losing interest on her. she is stressed out and acting erratically, giving out mix signals to me.

so i believe it is time that i do not initiate anymore contacts with her, beginning from this moment onwards.

this is the best i can do for her. let time decides. how, i do not know.

i will start new, aiming on new flowers. goodbye NJZ, you have served your purposes and taught me a lot. Thank you.

i believe the dream girl i always wanted is someone like mar lia or zee ha. simple yet elegant. easy going yet witty and funny. athletic and always looking fresh.

Am I hooked or she is?

14 Dec 2010. Tuesday.

She has so much going on with her life right now. There are so many things she has to settle with. She became laptop-less as her mac died on her due to the rain, exposed as she carried her laptop in her bag while its raining. She is going early next month on a new journey of her life.

Yet, we were having lunch again. This time around, she picked me up, as she was leaving from her house to her office in the afternoon. While at it, we went around the city as she needed to buy some fruits and delivered it to someone. As she seems so bad with direction in the city, I insisted that we do her chores first before having lunch. With the help of my iphone, we managed to find the targeted house and delivered the promised inventory. Since time is of an essence, I decided that we should just have our lunch somewhere nearby.

She parked across the street and went through the row of shop lots. What seem to be an easy task suddenly became less easy since we were having some difficulties in making up our mind. I suggest that we tried dominos, but upon entering the restaurant I decided that I did not like the menu so we went out and I said sorry to the waiter. We ended up having lunch at a random malay restaurant with no name on the outside.

she ordered pattaya and ice tea while i ordered mee goreng mamak and hot lemon tea. she confessed that she is a conservative type, with traditional values and like chillies sauce with her meal. my mee was not anything like mamak style but rather more to malay style.

as usual i feel good and she seems to feel good after the meeting. she was only worried on how to get back to her office which she eventually managed to.

she dropped me somewhere convenience as i need to go somewhere first before heading back to my office. after that i called just to check up on her but she was in a meeting.

a call that touches her soul. and she was grateful. which she told me the next day.

Taming or rather learning from the Pro Player NJZ

3rd Disember 2010 - Friday

It was a long day and I was burnt out when I got home later at night.

I had to wake up earlier than usual in order to have breakfast at R a j u ' s with NJZ. This could be our last time alone together, she had taught me what I need to learn and I am all ready to go.

She looked rather grumpy when I picked her up at her office at 7.35. (Well, I arrived at my office at 7.16 to punch in then went to pick her up). She told me that she is at the phase of her life that makes her confused and depressed, because she knows that she will be leaving soon, leaving the things that she love here and facing the uncertainties ahead in UK where she will start a new life, as a postgraduate student where the classes would be different ergo the lifestyle. Going back to UK where the weather is gloomy, where she knows that she would be depressed most of the time because deep down inside she would be lonely. Being 24, unmarried, a girl would always feel insecure and worry. I didn't really know what to say so I just listened. Because if i said i totally understand then i would be lying. Honestly, i don't know what a girl feel even though i listen to many girl songs, I didn't really scrutinize their lyric but i just like the music because it is easy on my ear.

She usually does not have breakfast, but she said, "you are an exception". She was also earlier that day than any other days, she drove so fast from home that her speed needle reached the 160km/h mark. We promised last night to meet up at 7.45 but we were both earlier than expected.

Her mood gradually improve as we talked while we eat roti telur under the tree without sun shine shining brightly but the air was fresh with no one really yet coming to the usually crowded place (she was here before with other man, that's why i claimed her as a pro player since she has been seeing so many guys, which i lost count). She opened up about her life, she was the eldest of the two siblings, her brother is pretty young at 8yrs old. She has another brother which is slightly older but he is from different mother but the same father as her and he is married with his wife pregnant half-way. She would become an auntie at almost the same time when I will become an uncle. I knew earlier that she is 1/8th Pakistani but through our conversation i know that she is 1/2 Chinese since her mother is a Chinese. She asked if she look Chinese, I don't think so I said because honestly she does not look like anyone that I can associate her with. She is unique.

She paid for the breakfast which I was reluctant at first to let her but she insisted so I let her. She bought few of that Indian donut like kueh to eat at the office. As usual when she got back to my car, she would want to look at my iPhone and browse the music that was stored inside. She made fun of my music collection playfully. She had trouble finding a song that she would settle down with.

When I sent her back to her office, her mood had improved dramatically. She was herself again and I told her that I like her company and vice versa she agreed with me.

She left me with a song by Macy Gray - I Try: I am not sure whether she wanted to convey any message or she just like to hear the slow melody.

Games, changes and fears
When will they go from here
When will they stop
I believe that fate has brought us here
And we should be together
But wer,e not
I play it off but I'm dreamin of you
I'll keep it cool but I'm fiendin.
I try to say goodbye and I choke
I try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it it's clear
My world crumbles when you are not near
Goodbye and I choke
I try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it, it's clear
My world crumbles when you are not near

I may appear to be free
But I'm just a prisoner of your love
I may seem alright and smile when you leave
But my smiles are just a front
I play it off but I'm dreamin of you
I'll keep my cool but I'm fiendin
I try to say goodbye and I choke
I try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it it's clear
My world crumbles when you are not near

Here is my confession
May I be your possesion
Boy I need your touch
Your love kisses and such
With all my might I try
But this I can't deny
I play it off but im dreamin of you
I'll keep my cool but I'm fiendin
I try to say good bye and I choke
I try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it it's clear
My world crumbles when you are not near

Despite, we had lunch

22 11 2010 - I met NJZ again, this time for lunch. This is the third encounter. The first at the HQ while meeting someone of importance and the second is in Penang while conducting an event of importance. However, this is really the first time we were really talking. Real talk, to know each other.

Despite all the feelings I had, I decided to accept my good old friend advice to apology and amend the relationship that is about to be broken of due to me making an ASS of myself, assuming what she was thinking or feeling based on signs and gut feeling. So I apologize and asked her out for lunch.

So I picked her up and it felt so natural. As if we had known each other forever. So she was 1/8 Pakistani and we went to an Indian food restaurant (although I made that decision without knowing that she had some Pakistani blood in her.

She is bubbly, talkative and smart and witty and funny. I realized now that I like her company. But alas, she will be leaving this country after about a month. She sounded sad that she would be leaving, saying that there would not be much time to hang out with her friends, that she would be unfair to marry someone and then not wanting to have baby right away because she do not want to have to choose between her love for higher education against having her own baby.

Strange as it sounds, we talked about marriage.

And lots of things.

I have the feeling that I should take this opportunity to pour everything that I had up in my sleeve. After all, what do i have to lose? I will be losing her anyway. So better let loose of everything, I think. To try, so that I will learn, cause time is running out, of course I do not want to start learning when I found the right person to marry because then it would be too late.

Maybe, it is fate that she is God sent for me to learn, about life.

Screw you NJZ

A full circle of karma has been bestowed upon me. I totally experience everything that I did to SZM, now that it was done by NJZ to me.

I am bored, uninterested and tired of her. I will let her go. In fact, she had put a black spot inside my heart. It used to hurt, but not anymore.

I had been warned when she first appeared, that she was just monkeying with my heart. The appearance of a monkey yesterday morning came as a sign of what I would feel yesterday. She had shown her lowest interest level in me, and so I am and will be feeling towards her.

So screw her. She is nothing special actually. She wrote a book so? Because her father own a publishing company, so she can write any book she wanted and her father will publish it. She went to a well established university so? Anyone and many people including myself had been studying in well established university. She is taking a PhD so? She will be getting a permanent head damage and I, pity her. She is not tall and slender so? I will find somebody else who are and fun and witty and fair and smart and have the greatest faith towards Allah.

NJZ a pro at being a player

It has been pretty hard to ask NJZ out, she always come up other things to do and other people to meet. Texting her does not seem fun anymore, she is slowly detaching herself away from me. I have the gut feeling that she had realize the mistake of giving out her phone number to me. So when I called, she would mumble and become pretty hard to comprehend. She's smart and I believe, witty too. She only being nice when answering my text and i feel i can empathize, she is doing the same thing i did to SZM a while back when I believe that me and SZM has no chemistry. SZM likes me and keep on sending me greetings everyday saying good morning and happy working till I became uninterested and delayed my reply to her.

But they say that man and woman behave differently. If a girl that i am not interested text me everyday, I will become annoyed and make her thing that I do not like her anymore by sending messages that does not really answer her question simply but to write something out of the blue that do not need any reply from her.

Is this karma? I am starting to like NJZ but she is playing game with me, she is acting hard to get. Does this mean that she not interested in me anymore after closer look at me. Or is she genuinely busy to be unable to accept my invitation for lunch and currently not replying my text.

Her answer to my invitation does seem any encouraging. She said something that she would take up my offer sometime in the future :) and what's with the smiley face? Is she trying to mock me.

So I decided that I will not pay anymore attention to her. I will not text her nor call her at least for 4 days. or do i keep on bugging her? making her life miserable and hopefully creating slight guilty feeling inside her heart. I think I will go with the second approach, to keep on bugging her everyday so that she would feel uneasy for not accepting my invite to go out with her. In addition, in a month or so she would disappear from this country so in a month or so if anything will go bad, I will not be seeing her. However, I will not make myself look like a psycho stalker. I will be discreet and persevere in making her guilty conscience resurface.

I will not her win. She does not always win! TEEHEE

Initial Assessment of NJZ

Until to this date, I have not been able to actualize a one-on-one face-to-face heart-to-heart conversation with NJZ just to know her better. Our first arrangement to have lunch on Monday started with some delightful exchanges of messages on Saturday. First, it would coincide with another arrangement that she would have with another guy friend whom I have no interest of asking who he is. However, she had asked me to join them and reliving past experiences with SZZR, I accepted her extended invitation to have a threesome lunch at Subway taking into consideration the midpoint of the three participants involve in the arrangement. However, on Sunday alas she was just informed of an urgent meeting with someone with power at the office in the morning that she would afraid that would be dragged until lunch time and thus she asked my opinion of what to do and she did not want to "stand me up" and additionally her friend would also not coming (coincidentally convenient?). Thus she suggested that if I insisted, she would not mind having the lunch somewhere near to my place but despite that she was afraid that she would "stand me up" since she did not know when the meeting with someone of importance would finish. Taking into consideration many aspects of life and people of importance, I decided that she should not rush to have lunch with me or else I may regret if anything would happen to her. So I suggested that the lunch meeting to be put on hold until later dates that would be convenient to all parties involve.

Calling her has not been a delightful experience either. Either I could not listen to her clearly, cracking on the line or vice versa where she could not comprehend me properly. Is it due to her phone?, my phone?, the lines? or were she faking it so that we would not be talking on the phone perhaps? Thus, I do not feel like calling her again since she may perceive me as being stuttering due to not so smooth telephone line between us two. This does not happen when I call my sister or my family or my friends because I can talk as smoothly as possible without the line interfering.

I could not comprehend the feeling that we have, is it mutual or am I clapping with my hand that is not making any sound. But I really feel happy and excited when she replied to my messages/texts with all the :) emoticons that she put inside her texts.

As of now, I will carry it slow like pulling out a thread out of flour, the thread will not break and the flour will not spill over. Also, if I am trying too hard to get her, I should not be doing it at all. Because by trying too hard, we would be forcing something unnaturally. When something comes naturally then it would settle naturally and adhere firmly towards one another.

Perhaps I need a neutron to make the fusion work, between me and NJZ. And I am left to wonder, what would be the neutron?

The confusion over Hey You by NJZ

I am baffled profoundly on this occasion of having to deal with an opposite sex who looks as if she is interested in me (and i would be interested in her if she is interested in me, but never mind if she is not). It seems like like/crush/love at the first sight for her because i never did start to get to know her but she did and managed to get in touch and befriended me through FB (nowadays, to befriend someone is as easy requesting friendship online and if the other party accepts then a friendship is established voila!).

Well, I have established an online friendship with her after bumping to her unexpectedly after meeting someone else I know, and she happened to be arranging meeting with that someone I know. So maybe she got to know my name during the bumping (even though I did not really physically bumped into her but we sort of playing eyes with each other). She looks fine to me and perhaps I do too looks fine to her.

After few online message exchanges, she out of the blue gave her phone number and asked me to call her. I called her that night (after serious hesitation) and it was really bad timing since she was having dinner with "someone", she said she would call back but she never did. I was hoping too she would not be calling me somehow since I was tired and really wanted to go to sleep. Anyhow, I would be meeting her the next morning. It was just that I would be feeling very uneasy if I did not called her that night since the fact that I would be seeing her the next day. True enough, I felt asleep afterwards without the slightest uneasiness at my heart.

I saw the next day and casually asked how she had been. This would be our first time talking one on one, face to face. She was rather inviting, it seems, since she was sitting alone looking busy at her computer. Although she looks busy I just sat next to her and exchange few remarks. She took her laptop from the desk onto her lap as if wanting to hide from me what she was doing. (in another instance, when I was sitting beside a female colleague, she dimmed her screen so dark that I had the feeling that she herself was having trouble looking at the screen, just so that I could not look at what she was looking at her laptop screen). However, she found some free time out of her busy activity typing at the computer to actually talked and appear to pay attention to me. It was rather awkward, especially that she is speking English at me even though we are both Malay. It was more like I was speaking Malay and she kept answering me in English. It was then I lost my ball pen which was never recovered.

I went to sit elsewhere, somewhere more appropriate since my boss need me by his side. I did not talked to her the whole day, even during lunch when we were sitting at one table but of course the table was also occupied by few other people and we were not sitting side by side but actually opposite each other on that 8-person round table for lunch. So it would be more awkward for me to talk to her when she was at the other side of the table. I finally talked to her after the event ended and offered her my room since she had already checked and need to spend some times to wait for her flight at nine. Of course the room offer was not with me inside but I was about to go out the city and the room would empty and safe for her to go inside and take a rest, which she never did, which I believed was too much hassled since the shuttle bus to the airport is at seven while the moment the room offer was made it was already six. She would be better of sitting there and just wait for the shuttle bus than rather to go up the elevator, carry her stuff, go into the room then rush back downstairs to catch the bus. I totally agree with her action.

I figured that she never did go to my room since there was no trace of her in the room. I called her just to check whether she was safe but it was not picked up. However, she did text to say that she was already on board and I was sweet to offer the room but she did not really go to my room. I replied and asked whether she got lost finding my room but she never replied.

The no delete and write using iphone entry

So in this entry i will type in one direction without hitting the backspace. Thus what was written will not be deleted even though there errors whether its small or big such as spelling error grammatical error or continuity.

I am now sitting in a nuklear colloqium bt tnb for the tbn staff in penang. For the first time in penang. I m finding penang to be about the same as any other cities in mapaysia. Like in plaes that i have been such as batu pahat melaka or kuching, the city in general bear some similiraties in the building arrangement, there's new side and old side which is imaginable when you been to some cities in malaysia.

Furst time also flying with firefly and alsi a first time after so many years to be flying from subang It is a beautiful airport resmbling some parts of dubai airport. The Irport is quite and easy. With not so many people flying.

Aah its so tiring writing or typing usi g iphone. So i will end here and again sorry for the errors the reason being described earlier. Thanks

I prefer Malaysia still

After ten days travelling and sightseeing, I still find Malaysia has its own unique appeal in welcoming visitors.

First of all nothing is free in Austria. Arriving at the airport, you have to put 1 euro coin into the slot in order to use the trolley. As a first time traveler to Austria or Europe, you will not expect me to have euro coins at my disposal. I do have some euros but they were of course in big denominations. It would be difficult and awkward to obtain change for coins. Nevertheless, the airport appears old and somehow not very welcoming. Did I come at the wrong time? It seems dusty and bit dirty. Some of the toilet has to be paid, not in the airport but generally in other places such as the train station, namely Westbanhof, and it feels really expensive at 50 cents euro!

Second is the weather. Since it is almost winter, it is rather dry and cold. Somehow, I often felt wet inside my shoes and thus the smelly feet. This is something I can not comprehend, despite the dry weather, my feet is wet?! Additionally since the weather is dry, I had to put lotion all over my body after each shower or my skin will start cracking, again, is it just me?!

Nonetheless, Austria is very beautiful, mainly due to its long sustained history that goes back a long long way. The old buildings/structures that are still standing are magnificent and picturesque. The public transport is excellent.

The Sparks that should be there but was not

Love the article below that I could not resist to copy and paste from datingish.com. It has put into perspective on a girl I had taken out for two times. Here it goes: (again the credit goes to the aforementioned site - with some adjustments here and there)

I've always complained about not having a girlfriend.
I dated girls in university when romantic gestures included walking her to class, going out to Walmart with her, and letting myself to be with her alone doing assignments. Our conversations never revolve around our feelings but rather our surroundings and homeworks that we were suppose to finish. I was "nice" to few girls but other than that, I've always been the single guy.

I spend way too much time looking for love and falling for the wrong girls. When I like someone, I like them for a long time. It's devastating when I find out they don't like me back. Girls that are interested in me have tried telling me that I shouldn't waste my time on the other girls. They tell me how great I am, ask me to hang out, and text me out of the blue, which is essentially what I want a girlfriend to do, but no they are never good enough for me.

It really is true that we want what we can't have. I love the chase, then I lose interest. There are a few girls right now who have been showing interest in me, but I can't tell if they really care about me or if they just want to have me around as boyfriend. I guess I wouldn't mind having some friends with benefits/casual flings, but I don't want to get emotionally attached if that's all they are.

I have gone on two dates recently, both with the same girl. She is very nice, has a good personality, and is pretty cute. She treats me like a prince. I'm just not feeling it though. There were no first date sparks or feelings of like like. I kinda feel like I'm telling myself to be into the girl because I'm very picky when it comes to dating. But why should I force something when the feelings aren't there?

I know the girl is definitely into me. She mentions future dates and texts me almost everyday. I have not been the one to text first and I don't say much to her, which is unlike me. I am usually the first to text a girl I like and I've even done the double text if I don't get a response. My face lights up when the girl I like texts me first, but not when this girl texts me. I'm trying to tell myself to go with the flow and keep going on dates with her, but I don't think it's fair to drag her on when I could think of other girls I'd rather be out with.

There's nothing wrong with this girl. I can't think of specific reasons why I don't like her, but I just don't like her like her. Like I said before, there's no sparks--no connection, for me at least. I've felt more into girls I've made eye contact with while walking into a room than I feel with this girl.

Just because she's there and she's into me shouldn't mean I should settle. I'd rather continue living the single life until I find a girl who gives me butterflies. I want to find Ms. Right (don't we all?). I want to be pursued. I want to fall madly in love. I want to have a real relationship full of lust and love. I want to love and be loved. But I'm willing to be girlfriend-less until I feel this way on my own. I don't need a superficial relationship. It's like I'm going through the motions just to check "get a girlfriend" off my list.

What do you think I should do? How do you feel about having a girlfriend just to have one? If you were me, would you keep hanging out with this girl and pretending to feel something, or would you tell her you're just not that into her?

Anyway today I will be meeting her to give her something that she asked me to buy when I was at my hometown. I have been delaying the delivery till today.

A white forte reporting in.

Received the baby forte yesterday late in the afternoon after 6 pm eventhough it was ever ready few hours before that but i was not able to come any earlier due to unavoidable circumstances. It was not conceived yesterday but had been running around for about 300 km before it came reporting to me. It came unharm and without any proper tinting resulting in impromptu persuasion from mu sales agent. I thought it came tinted but was told that the tinted is there incorporate to the glass at minimal 30%. I thought of delaying the tinting to a time when it is absolutely necessary but had to gave in to the SA's perseverence. Wihthout a doubt I figured that he will get some commission upon bringing me to the tint shop.

Nevertheless, the ride is marvellous. Despite reading comments that the engine was rough, i would have to disagree. The engine was smooth at idle and constant speed. The pickup depends on how hard the gas pedal was pressed. The harder it was pressed, the louder is the roaring sound (but not as loud as ferrari or lamboghini) and is faster the acceleration.

I am still not quite done with the drive as I am going back to kuching today. The dumbest thing happened as I burnt the ticket due to my late arrival to the airport. All i could say to myself is not to take things so easily eventhough the task seems so simple. That being said, i missed the flight because I could not get any taxi to fetch me from sepang to the airport. What seems not logical happens, no taxi seemed to want to stop and give me a ride and the scarcity of taxies and busses were unbelieavble on a friday afternoon at sepang. Alas, i got a bus heading to KLIA and had to jump halfway in order to catch a taxi to LCCT which cost me 30. Unbelievable! Eureka. Here i am sitting in the airport waiting for the next availabe flight at 6.40 pm. Fyi, i had to buy a new ticket in order to go back. My ticket was not entertained eventhough i arrived 10 minutes before the flight's departure time. The counter agent said that the gate had already closed and if i insist on going to fly to kuching, i should buy a new ticket. The new ti ket is indeed more expensive but rather than going back to m house and the office empty handed empty mind i just bought the ticket.

Tomorrow, would it be?

Got a called today at 11 am while having my morning tea break from my sales agent whose I decided not reveal to anyone unless it is truly necessary. He asked for the details on my insurance, on the NCD on how much I should be charged and waived due to my current NCD entitlement. He was saying that since my loan is a full loan, thus the insurance premium would be higher than buying the car without applying the full loan. Fortunately, the higher cost of insurance premium can be offset with my current NCD entitlement so that I do not have to pay any extra. He called to get my current insurance which luckily was made online last year through MYEG. With that I just need to forward the email sent by MYEG to him so that he can processed the application and the registration for the new white Forte. I called again later that afternoon to know about the progress of getting the new Forte, well good news he said that I would be able to collect the car tomorrow evening after work. I hope that I will arrive in KL early after the visit to a hot spring in Slim River Perak in the morning. So that I would be able to rush through the traffic to get back to Ampang.

However, he did not say anything about my current car. To be on the safe side I will just prepare the car to be handled over to him. I will also prepare a check to pay off the balance of my current loan of my current car.

I'd love to see tomorrow. I am looking forward to it. Everything that will happen tomorrow.

Agreement Signed but color could be white, etc.

Signed the agreement yesterday (paid RM190 for stamping), a rush day of Friday after collecting my car from my father. The hassle was not over as I had to go to the sales agent in order to show my current car to the panelist. The panelist, Wong was not at all to happy as he had been waiting since 3.30pm and I only arrived an hour or so later. Further disappointment as the car was manufactured in 2007 rather than 2008. After minutes of looking here an there, touching and feeling the car, Wong offered 13k for the car and I just accepted? Why? Why didn't I haggle for a higher value? Perhaps I did not want to dragged it further as I had been rushing and sweating. Moreover, I honestly would not even buy the car more than 15k.

As for the new car, all was left at the moment was a white one. After some inspection on the white car, I agree to take on the color instead of a metal bronze, however, the white car was not really all available as there was somebody else eying for that as well. Well, the sales agent had to confirmed with his boss first and will get back to me perhaps on Monday. I paid him RM240 for registration and all. I also trusted him with the original ownership grant of my current car. I Allah I trust that He will protect me from the bad and worst of the world and the hereafter.