Despite, we had lunch

22 11 2010 - I met NJZ again, this time for lunch. This is the third encounter. The first at the HQ while meeting someone of importance and the second is in Penang while conducting an event of importance. However, this is really the first time we were really talking. Real talk, to know each other.

Despite all the feelings I had, I decided to accept my good old friend advice to apology and amend the relationship that is about to be broken of due to me making an ASS of myself, assuming what she was thinking or feeling based on signs and gut feeling. So I apologize and asked her out for lunch.

So I picked her up and it felt so natural. As if we had known each other forever. So she was 1/8 Pakistani and we went to an Indian food restaurant (although I made that decision without knowing that she had some Pakistani blood in her.

She is bubbly, talkative and smart and witty and funny. I realized now that I like her company. But alas, she will be leaving this country after about a month. She sounded sad that she would be leaving, saying that there would not be much time to hang out with her friends, that she would be unfair to marry someone and then not wanting to have baby right away because she do not want to have to choose between her love for higher education against having her own baby.

Strange as it sounds, we talked about marriage.

And lots of things.

I have the feeling that I should take this opportunity to pour everything that I had up in my sleeve. After all, what do i have to lose? I will be losing her anyway. So better let loose of everything, I think. To try, so that I will learn, cause time is running out, of course I do not want to start learning when I found the right person to marry because then it would be too late.

Maybe, it is fate that she is God sent for me to learn, about life.

Screw you NJZ

A full circle of karma has been bestowed upon me. I totally experience everything that I did to SZM, now that it was done by NJZ to me.

I am bored, uninterested and tired of her. I will let her go. In fact, she had put a black spot inside my heart. It used to hurt, but not anymore.

I had been warned when she first appeared, that she was just monkeying with my heart. The appearance of a monkey yesterday morning came as a sign of what I would feel yesterday. She had shown her lowest interest level in me, and so I am and will be feeling towards her.

So screw her. She is nothing special actually. She wrote a book so? Because her father own a publishing company, so she can write any book she wanted and her father will publish it. She went to a well established university so? Anyone and many people including myself had been studying in well established university. She is taking a PhD so? She will be getting a permanent head damage and I, pity her. She is not tall and slender so? I will find somebody else who are and fun and witty and fair and smart and have the greatest faith towards Allah.

NJZ a pro at being a player

It has been pretty hard to ask NJZ out, she always come up other things to do and other people to meet. Texting her does not seem fun anymore, she is slowly detaching herself away from me. I have the gut feeling that she had realize the mistake of giving out her phone number to me. So when I called, she would mumble and become pretty hard to comprehend. She's smart and I believe, witty too. She only being nice when answering my text and i feel i can empathize, she is doing the same thing i did to SZM a while back when I believe that me and SZM has no chemistry. SZM likes me and keep on sending me greetings everyday saying good morning and happy working till I became uninterested and delayed my reply to her.

But they say that man and woman behave differently. If a girl that i am not interested text me everyday, I will become annoyed and make her thing that I do not like her anymore by sending messages that does not really answer her question simply but to write something out of the blue that do not need any reply from her.

Is this karma? I am starting to like NJZ but she is playing game with me, she is acting hard to get. Does this mean that she not interested in me anymore after closer look at me. Or is she genuinely busy to be unable to accept my invitation for lunch and currently not replying my text.

Her answer to my invitation does seem any encouraging. She said something that she would take up my offer sometime in the future :) and what's with the smiley face? Is she trying to mock me.

So I decided that I will not pay anymore attention to her. I will not text her nor call her at least for 4 days. or do i keep on bugging her? making her life miserable and hopefully creating slight guilty feeling inside her heart. I think I will go with the second approach, to keep on bugging her everyday so that she would feel uneasy for not accepting my invite to go out with her. In addition, in a month or so she would disappear from this country so in a month or so if anything will go bad, I will not be seeing her. However, I will not make myself look like a psycho stalker. I will be discreet and persevere in making her guilty conscience resurface.

I will not her win. She does not always win! TEEHEE

Initial Assessment of NJZ

Until to this date, I have not been able to actualize a one-on-one face-to-face heart-to-heart conversation with NJZ just to know her better. Our first arrangement to have lunch on Monday started with some delightful exchanges of messages on Saturday. First, it would coincide with another arrangement that she would have with another guy friend whom I have no interest of asking who he is. However, she had asked me to join them and reliving past experiences with SZZR, I accepted her extended invitation to have a threesome lunch at Subway taking into consideration the midpoint of the three participants involve in the arrangement. However, on Sunday alas she was just informed of an urgent meeting with someone with power at the office in the morning that she would afraid that would be dragged until lunch time and thus she asked my opinion of what to do and she did not want to "stand me up" and additionally her friend would also not coming (coincidentally convenient?). Thus she suggested that if I insisted, she would not mind having the lunch somewhere near to my place but despite that she was afraid that she would "stand me up" since she did not know when the meeting with someone of importance would finish. Taking into consideration many aspects of life and people of importance, I decided that she should not rush to have lunch with me or else I may regret if anything would happen to her. So I suggested that the lunch meeting to be put on hold until later dates that would be convenient to all parties involve.

Calling her has not been a delightful experience either. Either I could not listen to her clearly, cracking on the line or vice versa where she could not comprehend me properly. Is it due to her phone?, my phone?, the lines? or were she faking it so that we would not be talking on the phone perhaps? Thus, I do not feel like calling her again since she may perceive me as being stuttering due to not so smooth telephone line between us two. This does not happen when I call my sister or my family or my friends because I can talk as smoothly as possible without the line interfering.

I could not comprehend the feeling that we have, is it mutual or am I clapping with my hand that is not making any sound. But I really feel happy and excited when she replied to my messages/texts with all the :) emoticons that she put inside her texts.

As of now, I will carry it slow like pulling out a thread out of flour, the thread will not break and the flour will not spill over. Also, if I am trying too hard to get her, I should not be doing it at all. Because by trying too hard, we would be forcing something unnaturally. When something comes naturally then it would settle naturally and adhere firmly towards one another.

Perhaps I need a neutron to make the fusion work, between me and NJZ. And I am left to wonder, what would be the neutron?

The confusion over Hey You by NJZ

I am baffled profoundly on this occasion of having to deal with an opposite sex who looks as if she is interested in me (and i would be interested in her if she is interested in me, but never mind if she is not). It seems like like/crush/love at the first sight for her because i never did start to get to know her but she did and managed to get in touch and befriended me through FB (nowadays, to befriend someone is as easy requesting friendship online and if the other party accepts then a friendship is established voila!).

Well, I have established an online friendship with her after bumping to her unexpectedly after meeting someone else I know, and she happened to be arranging meeting with that someone I know. So maybe she got to know my name during the bumping (even though I did not really physically bumped into her but we sort of playing eyes with each other). She looks fine to me and perhaps I do too looks fine to her.

After few online message exchanges, she out of the blue gave her phone number and asked me to call her. I called her that night (after serious hesitation) and it was really bad timing since she was having dinner with "someone", she said she would call back but she never did. I was hoping too she would not be calling me somehow since I was tired and really wanted to go to sleep. Anyhow, I would be meeting her the next morning. It was just that I would be feeling very uneasy if I did not called her that night since the fact that I would be seeing her the next day. True enough, I felt asleep afterwards without the slightest uneasiness at my heart.

I saw the next day and casually asked how she had been. This would be our first time talking one on one, face to face. She was rather inviting, it seems, since she was sitting alone looking busy at her computer. Although she looks busy I just sat next to her and exchange few remarks. She took her laptop from the desk onto her lap as if wanting to hide from me what she was doing. (in another instance, when I was sitting beside a female colleague, she dimmed her screen so dark that I had the feeling that she herself was having trouble looking at the screen, just so that I could not look at what she was looking at her laptop screen). However, she found some free time out of her busy activity typing at the computer to actually talked and appear to pay attention to me. It was rather awkward, especially that she is speking English at me even though we are both Malay. It was more like I was speaking Malay and she kept answering me in English. It was then I lost my ball pen which was never recovered.

I went to sit elsewhere, somewhere more appropriate since my boss need me by his side. I did not talked to her the whole day, even during lunch when we were sitting at one table but of course the table was also occupied by few other people and we were not sitting side by side but actually opposite each other on that 8-person round table for lunch. So it would be more awkward for me to talk to her when she was at the other side of the table. I finally talked to her after the event ended and offered her my room since she had already checked and need to spend some times to wait for her flight at nine. Of course the room offer was not with me inside but I was about to go out the city and the room would empty and safe for her to go inside and take a rest, which she never did, which I believed was too much hassled since the shuttle bus to the airport is at seven while the moment the room offer was made it was already six. She would be better of sitting there and just wait for the shuttle bus than rather to go up the elevator, carry her stuff, go into the room then rush back downstairs to catch the bus. I totally agree with her action.

I figured that she never did go to my room since there was no trace of her in the room. I called her just to check whether she was safe but it was not picked up. However, she did text to say that she was already on board and I was sweet to offer the room but she did not really go to my room. I replied and asked whether she got lost finding my room but she never replied.

The no delete and write using iphone entry

So in this entry i will type in one direction without hitting the backspace. Thus what was written will not be deleted even though there errors whether its small or big such as spelling error grammatical error or continuity.

I am now sitting in a nuklear colloqium bt tnb for the tbn staff in penang. For the first time in penang. I m finding penang to be about the same as any other cities in mapaysia. Like in plaes that i have been such as batu pahat melaka or kuching, the city in general bear some similiraties in the building arrangement, there's new side and old side which is imaginable when you been to some cities in malaysia.

Furst time also flying with firefly and alsi a first time after so many years to be flying from subang It is a beautiful airport resmbling some parts of dubai airport. The Irport is quite and easy. With not so many people flying.

Aah its so tiring writing or typing usi g iphone. So i will end here and again sorry for the errors the reason being described earlier. Thanks