Yesterday, the Friday I met NJZ

We were texting a trying to set a date to meet when she got back last week, for a 3-week land-off here in the homeland. Alas, she gave in a date yesterday, for me to meet her for lunch. I took a half day since I won't be advisable to drive all the way to her place in the afternoon and then had to go back to the office. I went for Friday prayer over there. It was a small but a newly built/renovated mosque in the vicinity of a condominium. After the prayer I call her and she told me to park somewhere near the Petron and walked to a bank nearby where she would pick me up. It was then I learnt that she wanted me to meet her parents. Well, I was suddenly having butterfly in my stomach, then she took me to her family office which is nearby to that bank and I was told to sit. She called in her mom and luckily her dad was still at the mosques so I didn't get to meet him. She told me that her parents want to see who her daughter is going out with, whomever it is, not just me, so she told me that this was actually a normal practice. Her mom looked nice, and she asked me few questions like am I on leave or something then reminded me not to spend so much time with her daughter.

So we went out, and as she was about to bring me at a Mamak restaurant, I told her I want to go somewhere else. I said I want to bring her somewhere cooler, air-conditioned. So we walked to my car which was blocked by a truck loading some stuff into the petrol station. I had to give some honking to expedite the process that was going on inside.

We arrived at the malay restaurant ordered fish fried with 3-flavored souce, kangkung belacan and a seafood tom-yam. She was good to me, putting some of the dishes to my plated before hers, and of-course I was touched by the hospitality.

We had so much to talk about, my new office, her PhD, etc but somehow I didn't go about to ask her about marriage and how serious I am. Well, it could be attributed to her plan of working at least a year after finishing her PhD, which she will be rushing to do and thus having little time to think about other things and definitely I did not want to put more stuff into her thinking process. Then I dropped her around 4.

There was so much running in my mind after dropping her off. I need to process the overwhelming situation as whether I want to wait and pursue her or find somebody else. Is it normal for me to be seeing her mom? Well, she said her parents want to see any friend that is bringing her out, so I guessed that was not really a big deal. If I were to wait for her then I would spent more than a year waiting and unmarried. I really want to settle down but of course with someone I really like. She was kind to me, smart and pretty. She have the total package and the family business is really holly, i.e. to do some printing associated with religious knowledge.

She texted me later in the evening thanking me for the lunch and how she would do the same for me once she got to work. But I am thinking, that would be like another year or so. So the fact that she would not be ready at the moment (or at least in the near future) to settle down is really a deal breaker to me.

Today, I woke up to see her texted me at 2.49 am (or is Celcom having some issues delivering the message, I wouldn't know) to tell me that I've lost weight since the last two years, well done?

She must politely decline my offer for the time being

So NJZ replied today with a pretty long email explaining her circumstances at the moment. She is really really busy at the moment. But she has thought about the proposal and came to a conclusion that she does not know me too well to say yes or no at the moment. But her answer was stated in the title of this post. It's ok, no harm done. She prays that I will find my soul mate soon.

After some time looking at ceiling while lying on my bed, I called EY just to say hi. She told me that she is making herself busy (she still is not working), she went back to Penang and planning to go to Jakarta.

Ready for another rejection

Always. I am always ready. It's not something new. So I received an email from NJZ that she will reply soon as she was busy with her internship.

She addressed me as Hello my dear X. X being my name.

Well, she likes to confuse me. I am perplexed, why can't she just say Yes or No?

What with her addressing me as "... my dear ..."

Am i being over analyzing?

Is she preparing a letter of rejection? Well, she might be afraid that I might get offended so she addressed me as such?

Well, I am prepared for anything. If she accepts then I will do the necessary arrangement i.e. start by telling my parents.

If otherwise, I will venture out to the open sea with an open heart.

If only i can simply choose

Yesterday i went to a conference regarding fiqh and solah, more than 2/3 of the audiences i believe are women. There are some beauties that i wish i can just pick and ask for marriage. They are just beautiful as if the beauty comes from the inside.

How i wish i could just talk to them but it seemed so unappropriate. I should devise a way of getting such girls and such events.

Yesterday just before i went to the conference, i sent a confession email to NJZ, saying how i wish that she will become the mother of my children!

I am yet to hear from her.

The closure, goodbye EY

It was the last phone conversation. Short and direct.

I was no longer feeling the same attraction as before. I don't think us won't work.

So the phone call was just a confirmation that I am not being bad. That I am not dissapearing just like that. I disappear because of a mutual understanding.

Asked her for dinner. She said she had plan tonight. Asked me to ask Aereeta or Su instead. To me it was a complete rejection.

Why I should no longer chase her:
- she was not that beautiful
- she cares too much for her beauty, she went for vitamin c and collagen injection, quite often
- she is hairy, she needs waxing at least once a month
- she is indecisive
- she forgets
- she cares too much of her last ex
- she is a player, she went out with lots of guys wanting to be just friends
- she can be too sexy at times
- she is lazy
- she always wakes up late in the afternoon
- she carries too many baggages, her house is financed by one of her ex
- she used to be pampered by many men, she's spoilt
- she is high maintenance

So goodbye EY.
I lost MA too.

So what's next?
I'm gonna wait till my birthday, then I will propose to NJZ.

In the meantime, I'll open up to new girls.
In sha Allah I will find my true love in China.

Ah she made contact

Yesterday she let herself out by saying why I was so quiet.

So i had to reply. I am not that cruel.

We'll see if i wanna call her tonight.

I dont wanna be so cold to her.

So i have decided. Why shouldnt we be friend. I'll be her friends. Nothing more.

I'll continue searching. In the meantime, I'll be hanging out with her from time to time.

Just like any normal friends do.

The closure

During my confession the Sunday before this, I did tell her about wanting to marry her and if she is not ready I am ready to move on and find other girls. She did say that she is not ready since she could not get her ex-boyfriend out of her mind and she will marry with those who will give her the same feeling she once had with her ex, implying that I am not giving her the same vibes thus unsuited to marry her. I kept my cool and suggest a sunset dinner together with her twin the next day.

Monday came and she was quiet so I called her asking about the sunset plan which she appeared to have forgotten, told me that she would confirm with her sister. Later she texted that her sister has some other plans tonight so we can't go out. Well ok, I went sleeping until the sunset and later she called asking me to join them for dinner some place nearby.

Nothing spectacular at the dinner, the three of us ate some malay dishes and separate the bills. Her sister insisted that we go for coffee so we went to Ben's at Publika and later the same sister insisted that we go for massage and thus we went to Kota Damansara. During the late hangout she inquired about the trekking that I've been doing during the past mornings (which I told the about) and asked them to join me tomorrow.

Tuesday came and late afternoon the three of us went on hiking and later dinner with some Korean soups. It was during these times that I started to shift attention more towards her sister and not really focusing on her. Well, I sort of being nonchalant about it.

Oh, during the late hangout on Monday, I took a picture of us acting out as if I was spooning her some foods. The pictures went on viral on the facebook with comments wanting to know if we were actually couple which later she denied on Tuesday night. We are just friends.

Later on Wednesday night, around 11, I called her which she never picked up, later not returning the call until today. So this is an opportunity for me to disappear from her. I will not call her until she make contact with me.

I know I have failed before but this would be the time to check and balance. I would not want to be the one who always call first. Let her do it this time around if she want it. If not then it is time for me to move on.

I wish not wasting anymore time in looking for the one and only wife of mine!

Perhaps this is the opportunity to let go. I shall not feel guilty not calling her because I did call her and she did not picked up nor return my call.

The feeling she is longing to have

So yesterday 10 2 2013, i picked her up at KLCC and bring her to BSC because klcc was so packed with people of all backgrounds. I was thinking of eating lunch at Dancing Fish but it was closed at 3. Later I know that it did serve lunch but until 2.30 and will open again around 6 for dinner. So we went to Ben's. I managed to share some knowledge about dajjal and last hours. It was a fruitful share of knowledge which I was longing to share for quite some time. She told me about jarif how she had to turned him down because she is not ready to forget her last boyfriend implying to me the same thing. But i kept my cool and said that i am willing to forget her past if i were to marry her. I told her about my resolution this year that i wanna get married no matter what, with her or someone else, but eventually i will try to find a good wife somehow. It was then I managed to dig deeper into her past, her first love with her boss and how he gave her house to keep her as mistress but she managed to get away but yet receiving the house because it was registered under her name. Well she said she deserved the house because of his actions to her.Her last bf which she cant seem to get him of her mind and dreams stayed in her compound which she sees from time to time and thus the wound continue to bleed. They stayed for around 7 months until one day he changed his behavior and disappeared. He refused her call and she can't find him anywhere. She was heart broken but she still cherished the good sweet moments they had together. She love him. And she need someone to tell her NO when eventually that guy came back and ask her out again. She said she wants that feeling she once had when she were with him.

Making an ass of myself

I feel stupid today. I spoke to her yesterday and said to have dinner tonight. She said she will have to confirm today. So today I sent her whatsapp messages saying that I will fetch her around 8. She never replied but I saw the double ticks at whatsapp and her last seen is after my messages so i assumed when she was silence then she agreed to whatever I proposed.

So I arrived at her place at the promised time (well, the time that I proposed but she never replied) and called her, which she didn't answer. I sent her another whatsapp message saying that I have arrived! Waited for few minutes then she called. She was surprised! Saying that we never made any promised to go out. She said she did not read my messages. (but she read the ones saying that arrived? ^^) She was with jarif and her twin at Istana Bambu. Asked me to join them, but deep inside I was feeling stupid thus I rejected her offer. So I went back home, sad but then decided to visit my love of all times, Allah the sole creator and lord of mankind and everything He wishes to create. The emptiness was lifted and I felt that maybe E.Y. is not really for me.

On another note, she has been spending too much time (as compared with me) with jarif. Should I be wasting my time? Should I keep assuming that she has feeling for me?

Assuming as I learnt today is making an ass out of myself. I should be certain rather than assuming. I should ask and hear it myself. I could no longer rely on technology. I could no longer assume that my emails, my sms or my messages arrived and read by my intended recipients.

So I need to ask her clearly whether she is playing with me, giving me hopes and I guess when she posted pictures of me and her online, she is just trying to make jarif jealous? Well, again, this is yet another assumption! I need to a serious confirmation from her. I have set a KPI to get married this year so if I am wasting my time with her then I risk not achieving my target!

I need a closure!

New member in the house

Yo yo yo. Iphone 5 reporting in. Arrived this afternoon at the office just around lunch time. Ho ho ho. Welcome.

Broga this morning

So last night she SMS around this time to see whether I'd be interested to climb Broga this morning. I called and confirmed that I'd like to go. I was in Sepang and thought that if I were to spend the night there then it would be too tiring to drive all the way to Ampang to fetch them then all the way to Broga. So I went back to Ampang immediately and set alarm for 3.30 which I woke up and after shower and pooping, I went to her place quite early at 4.15 when we promised to go at 5. So I slept a little bit and luckily having the lovely mini iPad, I killed quite some time. Again, luckily I subscribed to data plan, since I had to use Waze for direction to Broga. We reached there around 5.50 and immediately start the ascend. We reached the third peak which is about 400m from the sea level at around 6.45. We could go faster if it were not for so many people ascending at about the same time since it was a Sunday.
After resting and taking pictures, we descend and reach the car around 8.30. Then we went to Raju's for some healty breakfast.
Publishing the pictures of us, and her twin and her friends, am I publicly announcing our relationship? Gosh, I hope that wouldn't end up like zaarrif.

Hello 2013

As usual I will set a target for the year that has just begun. I just got back from GSC Garden with arena and Aretha. It's a couple seat but there I was seating alone in front of the twins. It's not a pity since I got to stretch my leg up front. In this meeting I saw how Zareef care about arena and coincidently he called her from Langkawi. They talked for quite a bit until Aretha asked arena to stop. I met Aretha's bf and it was a shocked that he was an elderly man with money and title that we shall call datook faddhil. He paid for the drinks that we had at Bangsar Village and I saw how Aretha was using him for his money and there were kisses at hands and cheeks between them. It was a shock also that arena was also into the game and how they were complimenting each other. They were talking about how they can use his money to buy stuff and pamper themselves.

It was then that I realized that I may not want to marry arena. Firstly, she is indecisive. Most of the decisions were made by Aretha or someone else. She was a follower and easy to be persuaded to especially by someone close to her. Looking at how they were planning to use datook's money for themselves, I am afraid. I am afraid that I will not be able to cater for her needs.

My target for this year is to get married. No matter how and when, it would be this year, 2013. I am afraid that I wouldn't be able to fulfill arena that I am planning to find love with someone purer and good to the eyes. I hope Allah will guide me, and only Him I shall put my fate to. Concurrently, I will strive to find the dream girl to be my wife. It looks like January is a month for me to find love. As such, I will ask en to accompany me in this venture of love.

There's only one KPI this year, it is for me to get married.

Btw, I did asked arena to marry me somehow, but I am yet to hear her response. So the KPI for last year is merely meeting expectation, I guess? I haven't yet find my true love. So sad. What a sad report of last year just like Les Meserable, that I feel like puking.

The newest addition to le familia

Dear ipad, we have come a long way today to write without typing what I have in mind. What do you speak is not exquisite, but of course it is a new way of communicating with the world. I know that I have spoken differently but iPad has always seem to suggest words which are not in my mind.

I don't and I limbo but I always hesitate including things that I'm not dead. Yeah right. That's what iPad seems to understand me. Perhaps I have to practice to speak clearly in order for the iPad to understand what I really meant.

Damn I can't stop myself

This is truly dissapointing of me. I can't even keep a promise to myself. I just called her and she picked up, she was running at her gym.

Will she miss me?

I tried to call her last tuesday. Unanswered. Then she told me she was having dinner. But then she got home at 12.42 am. Well, of course I was asleep already. Though I waited for some time. But later that morning i sent her a message saying I miss her. That was wednesday. Would she reply? Should she say she misses me too? Well, we she did not, till this hour. So I wont communicate with her until Monday because somehow I told her in my message that I would like to take her out for dinner. I am a man of my words, so whether I want to or not, I will need to ask her whether she would like to go for the dinner. If she fail to answer her phone on that Monday, then that would be the last she would hear from me. After which I will find a new girl, most probably I will try to hook up with MA, hopefully she is still available. So this would be your last chance EY! Make good use of it.

She quit two weeks ago

today is 13/12/12, if she were to quit two weeks ago.. then it would be around 29/11/2012..
perhaps her last day was the last day of november, then starting december, she was no longer working.
perhaps it was because of her client that she quit, or was it her boss?
she told me today after i called her twice

POINTS ON HOW TO IMPROVE YOUR LIFE

This is plagiarism, copied and pasted from an email from a friend

Personality:
1. Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
2. Don't have negative thoughts of things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment
3. Don't over do; keep your limits
4. Don't take yourself so seriously; no one else does
5. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip
6. Dream more while you are awake
7. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need..
8. Forget issues of the past. Don't remind your partner of his/her mistakes of the past. That will ruin your present happiness.
9. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Don't hate others.
10. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present
11. No one is in charge of your happiness except you
12. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.
13. Smile and laugh more
14. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

Community:
15. Call your family often
16. Each day give something good to others
17. Forgive everyone for everything
18. Spend time with people over the age of 70 & under the age of 6
19. Try to make at least three people smile each day
20. What other people think of you is none of your business
21. Your job will not take care of you when you are sick. Your family and friends will. Stay in touch.

Life:
22. Put GOD first in anything and everything that you think, say and do.
23. GOD heals everything
24. Do the right things
25. However good or bad a situation is, it will change
26. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up
27. The best is yet to come
28. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful
29. When you awake alive in the morning, thank GOD for it
30. If you know GOD you will always be happy. So, be happy.

While you practice all of the above, share this knowledge with the people you love, people you school with,
people you play with, people you work with and people you live with.
Not only will it enrich YOUR life, but also that of those around you. 

peeking peeking

at intai-intai we sat and we ate. later i popped the cherry in my heart, she smiled in silence.

The girl and her insecurities

Yesterday was her birthday. She was so happy that I sent her flowers. She went on and on about it when I took her out for lunch today. Then when we were running out of things to say, she began to tell me about this one man which commented about how she looks kind of fat in one of her pictures. Apparently, she was not happy, I told her that some people just do not care about how others will get offended. She ranted about how they exchanged remarks and ended when she un-"friend" this guy on FB.

Well, she looks just fine too me. Which I should tell her. Let this be a reminder that whenever she talked about how others are commenting on her looks or comparing her with her twin, I should always be on her side, boosting her sinking ego, uplifting her moods, hence making her feel secure about herself.

No one is perfect. That's why we are always comparing us with them. How we always wanted to be like somebody else. Now this is where your good friends should ALWAYS remind you that you are perfect in their eyes.

Well, the title is somehow biased because men too are insecure about themselves every now and then.

Dating or simply hanging out?

After i poured out my heart last month, i think we were getting closer. I called her almost everyday and we went out together just the two of us at least once a week. Yesterday was a double whooper, I asked her for lunch date, we went out for lunch at Bubba Gum albeit she was not feeling all too well, then she asked for dinner at Banana Leaf but it was closed so we went for Basil instead.

I am now confused as always.