Damn I can't stop myself

This is truly dissapointing of me. I can't even keep a promise to myself. I just called her and she picked up, she was running at her gym.

Will she miss me?

I tried to call her last tuesday. Unanswered. Then she told me she was having dinner. But then she got home at 12.42 am. Well, of course I was asleep already. Though I waited for some time. But later that morning i sent her a message saying I miss her. That was wednesday. Would she reply? Should she say she misses me too? Well, we she did not, till this hour. So I wont communicate with her until Monday because somehow I told her in my message that I would like to take her out for dinner. I am a man of my words, so whether I want to or not, I will need to ask her whether she would like to go for the dinner. If she fail to answer her phone on that Monday, then that would be the last she would hear from me. After which I will find a new girl, most probably I will try to hook up with MA, hopefully she is still available. So this would be your last chance EY! Make good use of it.

She quit two weeks ago

today is 13/12/12, if she were to quit two weeks ago.. then it would be around 29/11/2012..
perhaps her last day was the last day of november, then starting december, she was no longer working.
perhaps it was because of her client that she quit, or was it her boss?
she told me today after i called her twice

POINTS ON HOW TO IMPROVE YOUR LIFE

This is plagiarism, copied and pasted from an email from a friend

Personality:
1. Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
2. Don't have negative thoughts of things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment
3. Don't over do; keep your limits
4. Don't take yourself so seriously; no one else does
5. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip
6. Dream more while you are awake
7. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need..
8. Forget issues of the past. Don't remind your partner of his/her mistakes of the past. That will ruin your present happiness.
9. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Don't hate others.
10. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present
11. No one is in charge of your happiness except you
12. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.
13. Smile and laugh more
14. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

Community:
15. Call your family often
16. Each day give something good to others
17. Forgive everyone for everything
18. Spend time with people over the age of 70 & under the age of 6
19. Try to make at least three people smile each day
20. What other people think of you is none of your business
21. Your job will not take care of you when you are sick. Your family and friends will. Stay in touch.

Life:
22. Put GOD first in anything and everything that you think, say and do.
23. GOD heals everything
24. Do the right things
25. However good or bad a situation is, it will change
26. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up
27. The best is yet to come
28. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful
29. When you awake alive in the morning, thank GOD for it
30. If you know GOD you will always be happy. So, be happy.

While you practice all of the above, share this knowledge with the people you love, people you school with,
people you play with, people you work with and people you live with.
Not only will it enrich YOUR life, but also that of those around you. 

peeking peeking

at intai-intai we sat and we ate. later i popped the cherry in my heart, she smiled in silence.

The girl and her insecurities

Yesterday was her birthday. She was so happy that I sent her flowers. She went on and on about it when I took her out for lunch today. Then when we were running out of things to say, she began to tell me about this one man which commented about how she looks kind of fat in one of her pictures. Apparently, she was not happy, I told her that some people just do not care about how others will get offended. She ranted about how they exchanged remarks and ended when she un-"friend" this guy on FB.

Well, she looks just fine too me. Which I should tell her. Let this be a reminder that whenever she talked about how others are commenting on her looks or comparing her with her twin, I should always be on her side, boosting her sinking ego, uplifting her moods, hence making her feel secure about herself.

No one is perfect. That's why we are always comparing us with them. How we always wanted to be like somebody else. Now this is where your good friends should ALWAYS remind you that you are perfect in their eyes.

Well, the title is somehow biased because men too are insecure about themselves every now and then.

Dating or simply hanging out?

After i poured out my heart last month, i think we were getting closer. I called her almost everyday and we went out together just the two of us at least once a week. Yesterday was a double whooper, I asked her for lunch date, we went out for lunch at Bubba Gum albeit she was not feeling all too well, then she asked for dinner at Banana Leaf but it was closed so we went for Basil instead.

I am now confused as always.

Chilling at the faster lane

Today, I took a leave of absence from work to rest and to install the uber fast internet at home, Unifi. Although I do not need to pay anything for installation, I had to pay RM 150 since my telephone socket connecting the inside and the outside of my apartment building is not working. Thus the need to connect directly to the main distribution hub. Thus the need to pay the RM 150, since it was not considered as standard installation. Well, so far, I am satisfied with the Unifi service, and enjoying the free preview of all the channels of the Hypp TV, the content can not surpass Astro's in anyway possible.

Later, that evening, exactly at 6, EY called and I immediately suggested that we go for dinner at Sri Niara. Alas, the restaurant was closed so we went to Santai near the cemetery. She wore her I love Roma t-shirt which is sexy to my eyes. We ate and we talked and I told her how my mum knew about her. As a token from my recent visit to Kuching, I gave her some cakes and cookies famous only in Sarawak.

The oven that gets colder

It was after she got back from Europe that I noticed her lack of enthusiasm with me. It seems as if she is annoyed or bored with me. She never wanted to go on a date and cancelled plans last minutes. I can feel it. Perhaps I was being too persistent. Ever since she got back, I tried religiously to make contact with her, asking her out or call her. Perhaps I was being too available to hear. The one time she agreed to go lunch with her, she brought her friend who was always seeking attention from either one of us. It was irritating and annoying altogether.

Later I tried to buy he dinner. She was occupied, either she had someone else buying her dinner or she was too tired to go out at night. At one time, she directly refused my invitation to dinner simply because she do not want to.

At last, we met on Saturday, the 13th of October. It was after she refused to have a photo shoot with me in the morning. It was weird because when we talked on one of the weeknight, she was excited to take convocation shoots wearing the convocation robe around campus and in the studio. However, when the morning came, she simply refused to do so. I had no mood for her. But then she sms saying that her sister and su would like to buy me lunch. I refused at first and continue watching movie on my laptop. I told her I had to go somewhere and busy to have lunch with them. Hours past, but then she sms again asking where I was and insisted that I come to join them saying that it would be hard to assemble everyone together in the future.

I came because I was hungry. I had not had my lunch yet. I took my sweet time to order and eat while they were talking and gossiping since they had finished their meals. Later her sister and su needed to go to catch a movie. She being herself, refused to go to cinema because of her memories with her ex-boyfriend. So I was alone with her, at last, after few small talks, I asked whether she wanted to be my girlfriend. She was stunned and then she said she is not ready. She still can't get over her past relationship. She said if she was a girlfriend to anyone then she would not be independent, she would need to do reporting regularly to her boyfriend. She said she wanted a free and easy life. I said ok and I didn't want to pressure her to do anything she didn't want to do. Later she gave me a t-shirt that she bought in Greece.

The next day, on a Sunday, I met her again, but she brought su with her. We ate some noodle soup, talk like nothing is between us, like normal friends. Since then, I never contact her anymore yet until now. Well, since we are no more than just friend, I should not be calling her too often. Am I not right?

Twist of events

This morning was meant to be a surprise. But she never arrived. It turned out that she missed the flight because her first flight was delayed. The next flight was supposed to arrive at 1410 but she never called nor picked up my phone. So i decided to move. I didn't want to be caught in the peak hour. Called her before I made my move at 1446 but she didn't pick up, and so I left. But half an hour later she called, she just arrived, her flight I guess my be again delayed. I told her I already left.

Could it be that no matter what, I shouldn't be picking her up? Maybe it was for me to learn that I should wait longer? Or even if I waited longer, something else will happen to prevent me from doing so?

I did not regret, leaving. I was meant to leave. And she was meant to take another means of transport home. It has been decided. Perhaps there is a true meaning in that.

This morning I was hesitant in coming to the airport, but I did came, but to no avail. I drank a cup of coffee waiting for her but then I read on FB that she missed her flight. I was afraid that it was not a good timing to see her. Yeah, number of possibilities pop up in my mind. Firstly, she will be arriving in a group of five. They could easily rent a van to send them all home. If I was there, then they would need to split up because I can take only three. Secondly, they were all very tired. Worst if they were all being oversensitive and thus showing their grim sight. Perhaps I was being protected from seeing her very dark side. So that I will continue to like her. Even so, they will all be sleeping while I am driving. It would be no fun. Thirdly, I was feeling under the weather. I can barely speak. I should be talkative while picking them up, to show that I am excited to have her back home. After all, I miss her. 3 weeks she has been away. If I was quite during the drive, they will be awkward perhaps building up animosity towards me.

It is cool. If it is not today, maybe I will see her tomorrow or eventually whenever Allah permits. When everything is just good enough for us to be bonding closer. If it is not meant to be then it is also fine by me. What I want may not be the best for me. I will let fate decides where it will go from here. Nonetheless, I will make effort to see her, to talk to her, after all, I am the man and I should be making the move. Girls are still girls, they want to be pursued and not pursuing boys especially the girls who are above average.

it's on her.. Rama V

Asked her out today and she insisted that she pay for dinner at Rama V Jalan U thant.. It is near to Indonesian Embassy. The place is surprisingly classy and elegance. Purported as Thai fine dining. Indeed it is fine.

Surprising to her, the place was packed with people of all kind and age. We went for tomyam, deep fried groper fish with 3 kind of chilly sauce and kangkung belacan.

The food was good and fine, I will give 9.5 out of ten. Well, can i define perfection? I hope that the tom yam will have more things in it with the RM20 value..

Otherwise, the dishes was awesome.

Later, i took her to a newly established yogurt outlet near her place.. Yogen Fruz at Jalan Jelatek.. since there was not ample space inside the outlet.. well, not comfy for us so decided to enjoy the sips of yogen fruz by the pool at her place.. i think it is better than tutty fruity. with slightly better texture.

It was a fine talk by the pool .. until dark comes.. well until they switched off the light at the pool.

Am I moving too fast?

Perhaps it is time to put the brake on. Perhaps I am moving too fast that she did not have the time to miss me. Anyway, she's having her final exam this coming friday. She said she wanted to go to Genting Highland, but then after few hours, she said she was not feeling well and wanted to stay at home and rest. Tried to persuade her to go out with me anyway but not wanting to sound desperate, I hold back.

12/4 - it was the final exam for our subject. i finished earlier than most of them including. I waited for her at the parking lot and she was happy to see me.. waiting. We went for a late supper at our usual place, Sri Niara Seafood at taman Melawati. We brought o ja as well.

11/4 - it was our longest (study) date ever - 12 hours. it started at great eastern mall where we spent our time studying at starbucks. the place had the perfect atmosphere.. and we were at ease studying from 10.30 to 3.30 when our stomach started to growl and ask for a proper lunch/meal. Nonetheless, we ate a sandwich at O'Brien while studying. Then we went to Taiwan House near my place for taste of soup. She said she always go there whenever she dropped by near my place. We then planned to continue our studying at a restaurant near her place.. but decided to park at her visitor's parking since the parking nearer to the restaurant is 3 ringgit per hour even on a public holiday until 2 am. But as we were going out of her compound, we decided study underneath a tree inside her condo's compound. When it was about to get dark she invited me to her place to perform prayers. It was indeed the first time I went to her house (this was after the third time I went to her compound.. the first was on the 1st of April when I sent her home after eating at Kenny Rogers. After 8, we went to the iranian restaurant to continue our studying and dinner.. the food was not that nice and the place was not really appropriate for study because of the lighting..but nevertheless, we stayed until it was almost 11.. i sent her home then i wen home myself.. it was a tiring but fruitful day.

9/4 - my birthday but i am pretty sure she was not aware of it but it's ok.. we are not really that close anyway.. i ate at saba and asked her to join me but she was too late that i finished my dinner before she arrived. she arrived when i was paying for my dinner at the cashier.. i took her around setiawangsa and we stopped at McDonald's for sundaes. Later I sent her home (the 2nd time to her compound)

5/4 - a Thursday but it was no class.. it was the exam week. i took her to do our assignments at Starbucks bangsar village.. she was late as she was taking her sweet time doing her hair.. but later she accompanied me for a late dinner at nasi daun pisang. i was on my verge for a very bad flu and headache.. my weekends was spoilt with sleeping the whole day feeling sick..

Oh It's April, welcome aboard, E.Y.

continuing from previous post,
3-22: father's at home and i need to buy food for him, nonetheless, I asked E.Y. for a quick dinner with me, she suggested the mutiara place near melawati that we went few weeks before, well, she said that she thought she's getting fat, but honestly, i don't think she is at all, so we went for just soup and i ordered otak-otak which she liked very much, while waiting for the take-away food for my dad we slurped the bone soup and ravaging through the otak-otak. This time, I didn't let her pay for her part, said that it was on me which she was delighted to accept =)

3-24 (saturday): I insisted that we tried to finich our group case assignment. We met. 3 of us at noon. Later we went to a restaurant near the cemetery in the heat of the sun for lunch at around 3pm. It was hot and we were sweating. Well, she like to watch hindustan film. I was really sure that she was having her period, she was not feeling well, headache and uneasy.

3-29: our last class. with group presentation, i thought the presentation was not really up to my usual standard, well, it was a busy week for me somehow at work, and I spent the sunday with my friend, long, good old friend from high school. nevertheless, afterwards, she ementioned that she wanted to eat otak-otak but alas, the mutiara restaurant was closed, so i took them to my area, near SPCA for really late dinner, we had a lot to eat that night: murtabak, burger sampah, tahu bakar and satay.

4-1 (sunday): called her for late lunch, was not an april fool, i was serious, she told me she wanted to have hair cut at a cut above but then she thought it over and hold it for another time. but nevertheless, we went out for dinner at AU2 kenny rogers'. this time without book, well she tried reading her book but couldn't because she prefer talking to me more. later that night when we departed she said, "dunno when i'll be seeing you again" as if wanting me to say, "well, we can get together everyday my love."

weeks on E.Y.

how many weeks has it been?
i lost count.
time flies so fast.
it's like I've known her a million years
she's so beautiful
her eyes so fine, opening wide
her skin so fair, flawless
her hair so long, playfully she plays with it
her smell, ah so wonderful
her voice, a song singing in my heart
she's a lady, so ladylike
yet she possesses zero ego, yet.

every week is a thursday unless stated otherwise

1-26 - she sat next to me for the first time - i was late she was too
2-2 - 2nd class and she was late - i presented the case
2-9 - intan dropped the class - i was late
2-16 - asked her to dinner but it was a 3ppl eating at tiara, melati
2-23 - she was late - father came, klia it is!
3-1 - group outing eating at santai near cemetery of london
3-6 - a tuesday our first study date for the midterm - german deli, subway
3-8 - midterm - a dinner date after xm without the books - saba
3-15 - alas she was sick so she missed the class
3-17 - a saturday - our second study date - starbucks, johnny's - cold n hot
3-22 - we'll have to wait for this

i can't focus - am watching Evil Dead 2 @ KIX HD - craazy film.

Rolling like Boss, yeah!

I believe, always that everything happened for a reason. It has been a while that I feel something is not right with my tire. It has always been the spare tire but during the trip last week to Pahang, I burst the tire. So I had the spare be replaced with my burst tire. Well, the tire had to be replaced and the rim had to be put of with some knockings. So the replaced burst tire with the knocked rim was put on standby as the new spare tire. But the spare tire that I had was not performing well. I believed there was a hole somewhere and I was right when I did the checking at Dwimaju tyre shop near Gombak just now.

First we discovered that the tire was in fact with hole which could not be simply patched because the hole is on the side. So I had to replace the tire. I agreed to change the tire with second hand Pirelli tire at 200 well the salesperson (a Bangla)said that it would cost 1000 for a new one. But then as they were replacing the tire they discovered that the rim is bent and cannot be simply knocked. Haiyya so they managed to persuade me to buy new rims at 3000 for 4 tires. They also persuaded me to buy a new Michellin tire for the two tires in front at a price of 320 each. Then later I had to add another 150 for the nuts which they claimed to be special and not easy to be taken out.

I have class starting at 6.30 pm but then they did not have the rims at the shops so they had to take the rims from their other stores. I was moody at them. Then the boss came taking one their salesperson to take the stocks of the rims at their another store. Well the boss is also a Bangla driving a Mercedes.

After they brought in the rims from the other shops, the boss need to fetch me around to withdraw some cash. The boss was (for a while) my driver chauffeuring me around in a Mercedes to withdraw money from an ATM machine at PETRONAS.

Then he told me that his business is actually owned by Hishamuddin the Cabinet Minister, of course, he would not want any name of his to appear in any business. Through this Bangla, he run the shops as well as other businesses. The Bangla who is the boss of the other Bangla chauffeuring me is Aminuddin. He's 33, just got married last two years with a beautiful lady who was the daughter of a Datuk which he was a workers for that Datuk for many years. Alas, I forgot to ask the name of the Datuk.

My mood improved, after being chauffeuring like a boss. I paid them 3650 in total after some bargaining.

I arrived class a bit late, around 7.15pm and few minutes later Nora Elena entered the class sitting next to me. Just my lucky day. Then we formed group along with Intan and Rohaya.

First day at mission E.Y. seems really positive. I hope I will continue to be awesome and be able to end E.Y. mission with success.

Unexpected love

It seems that I always end my year with watching movies. Last year I ended the year watching 3 Idiots, an Indian movie about life and ambitions. Well, this year, I just finished watching two movies back to back, both American entitled Just Go It (which was hilarious, Adam Sandler and Jennifer Anniston were damn funny!!!) and Life As We Know It (Holly and Messer had to take care of orphaned Sophie).

Both movies ended with the discovery of true love out of the ordinary life. They were forced to foster their true unexpected love due to extenuating circumstances.

I am ending this year failing my KPI to find love. It may have been a blessing in disguise. It is in year 2012 that I would be focusing to find true love and propose someone into marriage.

Btw, I did not manage to see neither MA nor FST. Perhaps next year. Here I come, babes!!

A day and a night before 2012

Tomorrow would be the last day of 2011. I would like to take this moment to reflect on things I have done this year.

I went to Singapore for the very first time in my life. Twice. Once during the Chinese New Year which was in February and the second one in November. One with my own money for holiday and the other was fully paid by my boss Mr LOOKS, well of course through the company. Singapore is different from Malaysia. Somehow it is more structured, organized and modern from KL.

I got a nephew. A girl. Born just few days before my birthday. I guessed she was my birthday gift for the year. Her name means The Clever Princess. I went to Muar on the very day she was born. In fact, I was the first to see her among the other family members.

I was rotated within the department. In fact there were movements inside the division. Some are promoted and some moved laterally.

I sent a simple letter on 1.1.11 to NJZ which she was touched. Then a postcard while I was in Singapore. I sent a postcard too to my family but it failed to arrive. She tried to send me postcard, but it never arrived. I tried to send her another small note, but it also never arrived. Then she came back in May but I didn't get to talk to her. I was frustrated since she never wanted to return my calls. Hence she lost me while I was at Langkawi. Again, the Langkawi trip was under the courtesy of Mr LOOKS.

I dated long long lost friend AA, it was the once and only time I got to see her. After that she refused to answer nor return my calls. I lost my hope thus she lost me at the second set of attempts to reach her. I let her go to her wonderland.

I did however managed to meet and date MA, she is young and fun. She has high expectation for her future. She will continue her studies next year to a rather far far land. She has the potential to be my one and only wife. Time will tell.

I managed to take four classes last semester. It made me really really busy. I had no weekends. Then my family came for school holidays. My schedule was so tight that my only interactions is with my family, my co-workers and my classmates, not my other friends. I failed to show up to various events which fall on weekends. My MBA is almost over. I am left with one more class to take. Estimated completion date is sometime in March. Then the graduation ceremony will be held sometime in October. I am now eyeing for another Masters Degree in the UK. Chevening just opened up the application for sponsorship.

A day before my last final exam, I danced on the same stage as Atilia and her band after being interviewed by Linda Onn. I believed that I performed poorly on the final exam as my mind wandered still on the event of the other night.

It was during the last semester that I got rather close with FST. She sat next to me in almost all the classes that she had with me. I tested her and I believed that she had crush on me. I am going to call her tomorrow, which I had indicated earlier to her, to arrange for a meet up. It has been really a while since we meet. Tomorrow too, I may be seeing MA again at a wedding of our mutual friends. I had promised Eddy to go with him. I'll call him first then FST to arrange for the meetings.

Many of my friends got married. I lost count. And I am becoming lazier to give a damn about showing up for the weddings. I am yet to find someone to marry next year. MA is unavailable since she will be going to further her study. FST may be available. I will see how compatible we are when I meet her tomorrow or Sundays. I need to make a call, fast.

My beautiful mind

There are times when I feel strongly about doing something but when the time comes for implementing it, I am reluctant. Perhaps I am thinking too much, objecting ideas that were once brilliant. Mind play. My mind is beautiful. It is as if there are many people inside my head. One people would suggest me do something, but then there are many more objecting it. However there are times when the majority agreed on suggestions. Perhaps this is what we called the conscious mind.

The conscious mind acts like an ideal working government. There are oppositions as well as backbenchers who support the initial suggestion made by the prime minister. Then there are debates on the initial ideas, until a decision is made on whether the suggestion would be approved or rejected. The body will then act accordingly.

Impressive those who can make decision so quickly, such as footballers, badminton players and other athletes who competes with other people. They are in my opinion the most brilliant people in the world. It is as if their CPU i.e. brain processing speed is much faster than others.

Looking at another perspective, professors and other geniuses of the same department, are also brilliant in their mind. They have the stamina to focus and think at a problem for so long until they find the solutions. Amazing.

Always looking for new challenges

Would it be very bad to pretend asleep when you're not. To pretend that you're not home when people are calling your name outside. But I am trying to abstain food as hard as I can. Perception is what matters most. If you can create the atmosphere of feel good. There shouldn't be practically a calamity of coming back to earth.

I always fall into the trap of judging a book by its cover. I have learnt that some books with interesting cover may not be interesting at all. Likewise, some books which seems dusty, uninteresting are actually very captivating with knowledge beyond boundaries. I am trying to be open minded now, approaching all types of books, reading them and trying to know them personally. Only then will I be able to make knowledgeable decision about things which are in reality the most important thing in my life.

There are many choices when buying a car. The best thing to do is to test drive them all. Some dealers are friendly and will take the extra mile to make you feel good. Some are just blatantly stupid to ignore you while they know that we are potential buyers!

The experiment starts now

I am making an experiment to see the behaviour of people towards beauty. Can beauty alone attracts people, man especially? Well, the hypothesis is that we will see few request in the coming days. How will they get connected? Through words of mouth of course.