The long distance relationship that did not work

For few months, NJZ and me has been trying with no avail to nurture a long distance relationship. Before that, we manged to get together for few times for couple months before she flew off to continue her study. The main reason I believe is that none of us are able to satisfy each other solely with communication other than face to face. When you are far away and all you can hear is the voice and see a face but it not the same as being together physically. Worst is communication through email or chatting because what we want to say is always being misinterpreted. Also, the technology that I used is not on far to established a pure satisfaction in terms of intimacy. We grew tired of not being able to express ourselves freely. We grew tired of having misinterpretation. We grew tired of not having the other person not online when one person was excited to talk or to communicate. The tiredness grew into frustration. I sent her a note which arrived succesfully. My postcard also managed to reach her safely. But her postcard to me never arrived to me till today. She was frustrated and depressed. I did not know how to assure her, to make the postcard arrive to me. Perhaps I failed to show how much care through words that was written or through words that came through my mouth. I only wish that I can be with her and hug her tightly or just listening while looking at her eyes.

the most important in a relationship that i discover is the importance of giving love (by man) and receiving love (by woman). since that is something i can't keep up with due to technology limitation, time differences, etc. the relationship has to end, hopefully with grace by both sides.

Nudibranch = Love

The picture is taken from http://science-by-paddy.blogspot.com/2008/05/nudibranchs.html

and also if you would like to read more about that beautiful creature, do surf on the above website.

the concept of nudibranch of love has been introduced to me by my first love, SZZR. right now i am looking for love. love that can light up the darkness inside the heart. love that can complete the incomplete feeling of myself. something is missing deep down inside my heart, the last puzzle, the piece that i am looking for. next week kate middleton will officially become the princess of England. The royal wedding will be shown live at CNN this friday.

not that it matters to me. i can care less if anyone wants to marry anyone else right now. the feeling of numbness inside me can only be cured if i can marry someone i can truly love, with my dearest heart. i am ready to assume the responsibility of a perfect lover. however, i am still searching. no girl right now has been given the key to the innermost side of my heart. it is still locked. NJZ has only managed to reach the garden. so does SZZR while SZM were only standing at the driveway going to the garden. the door is still locked and i hope to open it anytime.

i am looking for love with an open heart, yet the innermost side of my heart is still locked. irony. i hate to have the thought of waiting for love that may never exist so i will move to fast lane with smarttag at my hand.

i am nudibranch. sliding through the bottommost part of the ocean. looking at people from underneath it all. so that i can see with greater perspective. i have ruled out several criteria because i know it will never work with me and i need to keep on reminding myself that it will never work, don't even bother to try:
1. girls older than me
2. girls with dark complexion
3. girls who are overweight
4. girls who are too short
5. girls that are too fragile, too thin
6. girls with very soft voice that i have serious problem listening to her
7. girls who are passive
8. girls who smoke
9. girls that are too sexy, showing her sexy pictures on the net
10. girls with angry face
11. girls who are scary
12. girls with love handles that are too obvious
13. girls who smell bad
14. girls with too obvious mole on her face
15. hairy girls
16. passive girls
17. girls that laugh too loudly and too much

What Women Look in Man

I have been going through several stages in relationship and been seeing some pattern on all girls. Well, I do spent many of my times observing the behavior of people especially of the opposite sex, i.e. to me is female. Sometimes, I do things out of norms to see reactions of females to some sort of male behavior. No matter how confidence a female can be, deep down inside they are looking for a male companion who will make plan for them. Female loves it when male does all the planning, at times when she can relax and let all things flow. She want it to be made special, not having to decide and worry about things.

Undeniably, a male that does the planning for a female have the three main attributes:
1. confidence
2. purposeful
3. responsible

Girl/Lady/Woman loves it when man have all the three attributes. It is up to you to imagine why female looks for the three items above.

La Tahzan - Don't be sad (do not be bothered)

it is no use to be annoyed or be sad or be mad or be jealous when AHA call her sayang. do remember the phrase ignorance is a bliss. the more you don't know the less you know about the truth that may hurt or send some uneasiness towards the feelings. if nothing unknown then what is known remains as it is as if nothing really happen and the thought that you have is as you imagine.

so let's get on with the original plan ignoring the calling of sayang by AHA. then I will go by the original plan, that is to let this thing move as it is now until november this year. after we will move on to the next target. but while at it we or rather I should be always on surveillance in order to identify the next best thing.

class will be starting in another two weeks which I hope I will meet new people new faces that are interesting and lovely experience awaits.

so don't bother, if it is meant to be then it will mean to be. so nothing changes.

I am hungry because I work a lot (Newborn)

There is a relationship between the metabolism rate of your body and the amount of food you eat and the outcome of your appearance. Some people I know will stay skinny even though they eat a lot. While some are sitting on a bench not eating, doing nothing but are fat. I eat when I am hungry. I am hungry every 3 to 4 hours. I am fat now because I follow my instinct religiously.

I have been to places yesterday.

Sepang - Muar - Ampang : a new family member was born : 2 April 2011.

Her name means a clever queen. She had trouble yesterday to breast feed. She's so small and fragile. Weighing 2.6 kg when she was conceived.

So I bought ticket today for mom to come here next week. While commemorating my birthday. When the real purpose of course is to look at her first grandchild.

So my sister was alone at the ward last night because no one is allowed to stay with her after 7.30 pm.

But today everything's ok. She's discharged and resting at home.